Little Toy Cars

Imagine that you have this little toy car (I played with cars as a kid, okay?). It's the prettiest, most wonderful toy car you've ever seen. The exterior design is perfect, the wheels never snag or stick, and you can run it the whole length of your bedroom and back and it's unbelievably easy to imagine yourself as the best racecar driver in the world. You spend hours playing with this perfect toy car. You take it with you wherever you go and show it off to all of your friends.

Then one day, your dad asks you to give him your toy car. Like, for keeps. "But why, Dad? This is my very favorite car. Here, how about I give you this other one instead?" But your dad insists. It has to be your toy car. Your very favorite one. He is firm but gentle in his request and finally you relent and place it in his outstretched hand. He deftly tucks it away and you feel a piece of your heart shatter. You loved that car so much that you can't imagine how you're going to have fun without it. While tears fill your eyes, your dad turns and pulls out something new: A bike.

Not only is the bike much bigger and nicer than your toy car, but it will take you places. You don't have to pretend you're a racecar driver anymore; you can race around on your bike for real. Suddenly your world just got so much larger. You can go farther and get there faster with your bike than you ever could take your toy car. You don't have to ask Mom for a ride to your friend's house. Now you can get there yourself.

Pretty soon, however, your dad comes back to you and asks you to give him your bike. You feel upset. He gave you that bike. Why on earth is he wanting to take it back now? But your dad is so kind and gentle and loving that you do it anyway. And he gives you the keys to your very own motorcycle.

With all that horsepower, you can carry yourself and a substantial amount of weight across incredible distances at incredible speeds. Your world just expanded again.

And so it goes on. Eventually, your dad asks for the return of the motorcycle and gives you a car that allows you to carry yourself, other people, and all of the baggage you all carry with you all over the continent. The world is yours, and now you get to bring other people along with you (and we all know road trips are more fun with other people).

So where am I going with this?

Based on experiences in my own life, and because of things my younger siblings are dealing with, I've been thinking a lot about how the Lord often asks us to trust Him and give up something that we love, and what happens when we do.

Have you ever tried to get a kid to give up his favorite toy long enough for you to give him something new? When they're young, they only really understand what's in front of them, and they don't realize that you're about to give them something better, so giving that toy up is the end of their happiness, at least from their perspective. Our first loves, the things and people that make us feel as though the world will end if we give them up, those are our little toy cars. They are amazing, and they help us imagine great things and chase big dreams. But they may not be able to carry us very far in life. So the Lord asks us to trust Him enough to let Him give us something that will increase our ability to progress.

As time goes on and this process repeats, with the vehicle getting better each time, we begin to see the bigger picture. We begin to understand that He's asking it back each time for a good reason. Something better is in store. And so, each time He asks, we give the vehicle back a little more willingly, having learned from experience that the Lord never downgrades us to something less than we've given up. Eventually, we may end up with a fleet of jets at our disposal, carrying hundreds and thousands of other lives closer to our Father. But before we can get there, WE HAVE TO GIVE UP THE TOY CAR.

Now, I recognize that this is not a perfect metaphor for all aspects of life. But I think it does apply beautifully to the principle of sacrifice as I've come to understand it. Whether I've given up a relationship, a job opportunity, or some other goal or dream because the Lord has guided me down a path that didn't allow for that particular thing, I've come to realize that I always end up with something better than what I've given up and that I've come further in life than I might have otherwise. A bike can carry you across the country if you're patient and smart, but a car will do it much faster with a much heavier load, and a jet even more so. If you cling to your "bike," you'll get to the same place eventually, but it may take longer (and you run a greater risk of giving up out of fatigue before getting there), and you may not be able to touch as many other lives and bring them along with you.When we put our lives in the Lord's hands, I completely believe that He increases our capacity to bear burdens and help others and speeds up our own progress at the same time.

I can't begin to count the number of times this has happened to me. When I was 12, my family moved away, taking me away from my two best friends (one of whom I had a crush on). I honestly thought my world was ending and that I'd never find friends as good as the ones I'd left behind. But then, when I was 14, I met the girl who would eventually become as close to me as my own sister and who, now, 12 years later, is still a person I can count on to love me no matter what. When I graduated from college and finished my internship with the Ensign, I wanted nothing in the world more than to work for the Church for the rest of my life. "What could be better?" I asked myself. It was definitely a worthy goal, and a very clear way to use my professional skills to build the Lord's kingdom. But after a long stretch of contract work, every opportunity for full-time work for the Church closed in my face. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get a job in the one place I thought I wanted to be. Then my current job came along. Among the many perks and blessings that this job has given me, one of the coolest is that I have the freedom to transfer among any of the 90+ offices in the country or work from home: my world just got a lot bigger. I can go anywhere with a lot more freedom now because I can take my job (and all of those other perks and benefits!) with me wherever I go.

It can be so hard to give up something that we love (whether it's a relationship, a job, a home, a hobby, or any other dream or passion). The heartbreak we suffer when we do is so very real. And sometimes, when the Lord asks us to give up something that He gave us and pushed us toward in the first place, the feelings of heartbreak and betrayal can be devastating. But He always does it with a good reason. I'm young, yes, but it has happened enough in my own life that I know that it's true.

So, as you face course changes, redirected paths, and surrendered dreams, have courage. Your Heavenly Father will never make you suffer needlessly. Inside every painful sacrifice is the seed of your own success and ultimate happiness.

The New Digs

Well hi! 

As you might have guessed from previous posts, I have been in the process of moving. After seven years of living with roommates (all of them wonderful and interesting), I've started to really itch for my own space. So about 7 months ago, I started looking. I wasn't quite up for taking on a house, so yeah, I'm still renting an apartment, but buying my own house no longer seems quite so daunting now that I've done the getting-my-own-apartment thing. Maybe in a few years. ;)

Anyway, I moved on the 17th of February and I'm now officially all unpacked. It was a pretty quick process overall. The apartment was livable on the first night (thanks to my diligent friends), and I hate boxes sitting out, so I got rid of them as quickly as I could. 

And here's my new pad:

This is the front room. The window lets in SO much light and I LOVE IT, but I had to close it for the pictures. I have a third-floor private balcony, which will be put to excellent use when the first thunderstorms roll in. :)

Yeah, this front room is a little tiny. If I didn't have vaulted ceilings, it would be claustrophobically tiny, but all the natural light and space above keeps the room from feeling oppressively small. Little Brother had my entertainment center set up in the first 20 minutes I was in the house (the couches hadn't even arrived yet).

Remember that I mentioned I have vaulted ceilings? There's also a loft and a ledge (if you're brave enough to hop over the half-wall up top) above. So this is looking down from that. I solemnly swear that I will be up to no mischief, and I won't ever fall (the ledge doesn't have a railing, which is the one major "????" factor of the apartment design. But I'm relatively graceful and sure-footed, so I'm not too fussed).

But YOU GUYS if you ever come visit had better be careful. I keep going all Momma Bear on people who climb out up here.

On the flip side, anyone who comes into my apartment is a prime target for a nerf gun attack from above, so take that under advisement. (Note to self: acquire nerf guns...)

Oh yeah, and those couches are quite comfortable. :D

These are shots of the ledge. See? No railing. It is wider than it looks, and that wheely chair is a miserable excuse for a wheely chair. The wheels don't work, so I won't ever be pushing back from my desk and taking a shortcut to my front room.


I also like that it's harder to access, because this is my work zone. If and when I work from home, I'm not going to be easily distracted by dishes or snacks or my books, because it actually takes effort to get out there and to get back to the rest of the house.

So Lynnae will be able to focus.

Anyway, moving on with the tour.

Oh hello loft! And see what I mean about the effort? I have to hop over that wall if I want to get to and from the ledge. Little Brother gets to sleep in the loft when he comes to visit now, and the books that didn't fit in the front room have overflow space up here. All it needs now is a quashy armchair or something. I'll work on that.

And yes, I have little toy figurines set up by the lamp. Ben and Hyrum would be proud. 

Once you take a little jaunt down the stairs, we come back to the main living spaces. I have a darling dining room and a cute kitchen. (Ha! Alliteration)

The bedroom and bathroom are to the left of the stairs. Kitchen is to the right of the dining table.

LOOK AT ALL THE COUNTER SPACE!!

And then, at the very end, the bedroom:

I love this room. :) I also have the biggest walk-in closet. I'm so spoiled, and I love it.

So yeah, this is my place. It's perfect for me, and despite some of the oddities, the apartment is so unique that I can't get irritated by the little quirks. I'll probably never have a place that has such an unusual design again, so I'm enjoying it while I'm here. 

I'm also looking forward to many adventures and good memories made here. I've got a year to do it, and that's plenty of time to fill it with great memories. :)

Sister Act

I woke up to a happy email this morning. My sister sent me a very brief note with pictures included.

Jess is on her mission in Germany right now (!!!). I'm stuffed with pride at how great she is. When we were younger, I got irritated by her a lot, but I knew that we'd figure it out eventually and become the best of friends.

Well, it worked. We're tight now. She's become her own woman, full of spunky quirks and radiant in her own, completely beautiful way. We've always been almost night-and-day different, and that's still true.

Except for one little thing.

We make the same face. 

Even when we're half a world apart (and separated by six months of time).

Apparently I have taught her well. 

Love you, Jess. In about a year, you'll come home and find out that I posted this on social media for the world to see. I regret nothing. ;)

Heaven Help Me

I had a date tonight.

It went well.

I fell in love. 

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

With the place, not necessarily the man.

I'm sorry, was that misleading? (muahaha) ;) 

The guy was actually really nice. He was one of my better dates so far. I've had a lot of dates that went fine, but I felt really "meh" about afterward. Like, if the guy was persistent and asked me out again, I'd say yes, mostly because I had no reason to say no (incidentally, none of those "meh" dates have actually asked me out again--I guess they felt the same way). I've had a couple where I decided I'd discourage any continued attempts at dating. And I've had one or two where I really wanted to go on another date. This one fell towards the positive end of the scale. I might actually solicit a second date instead of just letting them do all the work (which is a pretty good indication of my interest). 

But that's not the point of this story. The point is that he took me to this little German deli in downtown SLC. 

And do you realize what German delis have???

REAL, AUTHENTIC GERMAN CHOCOLATE! Oh heaven help me, I probably shouldn't know that this place exists, because now I know how to get my hands on the best chocolate (and yes, Mom, I checked--it's not "imported" through Nestle, it's 100% real) whenever I want. I don't have to wait for my sister who is in Germany on her mission to send me some. 

Guys, I'm in trouble. Because it's also walking distance from work.

Oh, and I've actually now had weinerschnitzel, and it's really good. I don't know what it's made of, but it tasted delicious. And this was in my head the whole time:

Sauerkraut (oh my gosh, I am infinitely proud of the fact that I'm spelling these German words correctly without having to ask Google how to do it) is also...not that bad. It was pretty good, actually. My date ordered some and insisted that I try it, so I did. I wouldn't eat a whole plate of  it or anything, but it's a nice side dish/garnish on a savory meal. I get why people do sauerkraut hot dogs and stuff. I might even do that myself someday.

When we were in the German section of Epcot at Disney World when I was 17, I'm pretty sure I either flat-out refused to try sauerkraut, or I hated it on principle. My dad (or Brian, not sure who) tried to convert me and it failed. But in the years since that day, I have discovered that being a picky eater has deprived me of some really good food. I can't believe I lived most of my life without tomatoes or avocados. What a sad, lonely existence I had before. So I've learned to be more adventurous in my food choices, because you never know what might be delicious. (That did backfire once, when we had tacos de lengua (cow tongue) for a work lunch, and my boss asked jokingly, "So who is tasting who?" right in the middle of my bite. I can never do cow tongue again, no matter how good it actually tastes.)

And those are my food-related anecdotes for the day.

The online dating thing is still going well. Nothing too exciting in the "I've met the man of my dreams!" way, but I'm being exposed to new and different foods, experiencing new things, and stepping outside my comfort zone more often. I like it. :) 

And now I know where to find authentic German chocolate. My wallet and my diet are already whimpering in fear.

Nostalgia Update

For the record, Simba and Hayley (from this post) are still living contentedly in my box of childhood. Turns out, I really couldn't bear to part with them, and I did in fact go home and rescue them from the D.I. bag.

I'm a sucker for my own memories, and I'm not quite so cold-hearted yet that I can just throw those out.

Simba and Hayley live on for another round of weeding-out-childhood-memories.