I know, I know. It's been a long time. I got caught up in life and didn't slow down enough to come back to my blog. I wanted to share this video, though.
I love how personal and applicable Elder Bednar's lesson is. He illustrated so clearly how sins of omission not only halt progress, but cause backsliding. If we're not consciously choosing the Lord, we don't progress.
One of the most beautiful things that I noticed about his object lesson was something that he didn't call attention to, but I've found that it's very true in life: progress within the Lord's territory is unrestricted. We are free to move backward and forward as much as we'd like. We can move to the side, take a meandering course, whatever we choose.
Movement on Satan's side is pretty free too. Elder Bednar would not have stopped the boy from wandering around deeper in, but returning to the rug required great struggle, only possible if the boy could overpower him. Which he could have. The right leverage, the right coaching, and he could have regained the freedom to return to the rug. That's how the Atonement works. It gives us the added strength and knowledge to overcome the sins that hold us back.
Anyway, I just wanted to share. :)
In other news, I am happy and content. I've been at my job for almost six months now and have only had one horrible day so far (which, thankfully, had nothing to do with my office or my team -- just a snarly document that I was so tempted to destroy with fire). I actually got into a conversation last night about career versus motherhood, because a friend of mine, when I asked her what she was going to do with her master's degree, mentioned that she'd rather be a mom and that she didn't really want a career.
I used to feel that way.
Don't get me wrong, I still want to be a mother. But I don't resent the fact that I have a career, either. I'm enjoying it a lot, and will probably keep a toe in it when I do become a mom. I'm so looking forward to that.
In the meantime, I'm enjoying the freedom of wandering around in the Lord's territory. I'm putting that freedom to the test, sidestepping, slipping, sidetracking, coming back and going in deeper. But here's the thing about all of that: it's still the Lord's territory. Despite my weaknesses that may cause me to lose ground or slip back a little closer to the line, I'm still on His side, and there are blessings built into that that can't be taken away. Personal revelation comes when I ask. Inspiration is available even when I don't. The Spirit whispers encouragement. I am immediately and overwhelmingly blessed the second I stop sliding and take a step further in.
But don't ever forget that all the help of heaven is available to get lost souls back to the Lord's side.
22 August 2014
14 April 2014
Dream a Little Bigger, Darling
Okay, so, as promised, it's time to get back to the normal stuff. :)
The most important thing: I HAVE A JOB!
A real, honest-to-goodness job. Shortly after my February post, I interviewed with a company that I'd been talking to for about a month and a half, and she pretty much offered me the job on the spot (though not technically, since that's not how it works). I knew about it when I wrote, back in February, but I didn't want to jinx it, so I didn't say anything.
Anyways, about this job.
The company is called KPMG. They provide audit, tax, and advisory services for a significant number of the FORTUNE 500 companies (and I believe they are one themselves). They're one of the Big Four such companies in the country. I'm one of only seven editors in the whole company (the U.S. branch, anyway). We handle almost all of the client-facing proposals, emails, presentations, etc. that the company produces. It means I'm crazy busy pretty much all the time. (I even have homework about half the nights of the week, because I don't have time during the day to edit everything by the deadlines.) Working for a financial services company might seem boring to a lot of editors, but it's pretty much where most editors end up. And you know what? It's not all that boring. Most of it is business writing (which occasionally makes me want to smack my face into a wall because it breaks half the rules of concise writing that were pounded into me all through college), and business writing is much less dry than some of the other stuff I've edited over the years. Every document is its own little treasure trove of grammatical mistakes that I have to dig up and correct. It doesn't get tedious because each one is also written by a different author, so there are distinct voices and syntactical quirks to each piece.
I probably can't convince most of you that any of this sounds like fun, but that doesn't matter. I love it.
I had my doubts about editing for a little while. After two straight years of proofreading (which is pretty grueling, to be honest), I was second-guessing my choice to be an editor for the rest of my life. I wasn't sure I was cut out for it. I also wasn't sure that I would get the kind of job that would make me happy. Editing jobs are few and far between out here in Utah. My original plan when my job with the Church ended was to find something well-paying for a year or two and then pick up and head out to New York City, where all the publishing jobs are. I figured that's when my career would start. If I still wanted it to start.
I'm glad that the Lord has bigger plans for me than I did for myself. I was dreaming small, honestly. And this job was definitely His doing. A friend recommended me for an admin assistant position in the Salt Lake KPMG office, so I applied, because I was applying for everything. One interview in, the recruiter was like, "Wait, you like editing?"
"Yes."
"We have a position posted for an editor in L.A. Let me send them your resume."
I didn't really want to move, but I figured it couldn't hurt to explore it a little, so I let him. Turns out that they liked my resume so much that they decided to open the same editing position in Salt Lake so that I wouldn't have to move (my work is not region-specific, so I could literally move anywhere in the country and still do the same job).
I found out after I was hired that this whole situation was pretty much love at first sight for both me and the editing manager. She thought I was perfect and spent the better part of a month trying to find something wrong with me. When that failed, she kept trying to figure out how to get rid of all the other applicants, because she didn't want any of them. On my side, from the first time I talked to her, I knew that I wanted this job. It sounded right up my alley as far as my background went, and I knew that the position would be well within my abilities and that it would push me to be better, too. It also offered the possibility to work from home, to move wherever I wanted, and permanence. Plus, the editors on the team tended to retire. That told me that they didn't get dissatisfied and quit. They stuck it out until they weren't working anymore. I wanted this job so badly. I've wanted it since about the second week in January, but I was terrified that I wouldn't get it, so I was very close-lipped about it.
Turns out, I didn't need to worry. This is exactly where I was supposed to be, and things just worked out. Right down to the fact that I kept coming in second place for all of my other interviews. I had so many interviews, and they all went really, really well. But almost every time, I found myself thinking, "Please don't offer me the job, please, please don't. KPMG hasn't called me back, yet." Since I was collecting unemployment insurance, turning down job after job would have caused me to lose my income, which I couldn't afford. But despite their obvious interest, none of those other jobs extended offers to me. (Well, one company extended me a frankly insulting offer to write out descriptions of bedpans for their website for $12 an hour, even though they knew I'd been making twice that before. I turned them down, obviously.)
So, after two months of unemployment, I landed my dream job. Seriously. If I had stuck to my original plan and gone out to New York, this is probably the kind of thing I would be looking for, because everyone wants the book-publishing jobs, but the positions like this are more stable and pay a little better.
So I got everything I never even knew I wanted from a job about two years earlier than I'd planned. And I can stay with this job for the rest of my life if I want to. No expiration date built in. If, on some crazy chance, I do want to leave it, it's an incredible thing to put on a resume, and I'll have a huge boost finding my next one, though, frankly, I don't ever plan on leaving. I want to build my career here.
So yeah. I'm doing what I love (and rediscovering just how much I do love it in the process), and I'm doing it in an environment that offers me the kind of stability that I've been craving ever since I graduated from college. I'm pretty happy with how my life has gone so far. It really does get better with time. :)
The most important thing: I HAVE A JOB!
A real, honest-to-goodness job. Shortly after my February post, I interviewed with a company that I'd been talking to for about a month and a half, and she pretty much offered me the job on the spot (though not technically, since that's not how it works). I knew about it when I wrote, back in February, but I didn't want to jinx it, so I didn't say anything.
Anyways, about this job.
The company is called KPMG. They provide audit, tax, and advisory services for a significant number of the FORTUNE 500 companies (and I believe they are one themselves). They're one of the Big Four such companies in the country. I'm one of only seven editors in the whole company (the U.S. branch, anyway). We handle almost all of the client-facing proposals, emails, presentations, etc. that the company produces. It means I'm crazy busy pretty much all the time. (I even have homework about half the nights of the week, because I don't have time during the day to edit everything by the deadlines.) Working for a financial services company might seem boring to a lot of editors, but it's pretty much where most editors end up. And you know what? It's not all that boring. Most of it is business writing (which occasionally makes me want to smack my face into a wall because it breaks half the rules of concise writing that were pounded into me all through college), and business writing is much less dry than some of the other stuff I've edited over the years. Every document is its own little treasure trove of grammatical mistakes that I have to dig up and correct. It doesn't get tedious because each one is also written by a different author, so there are distinct voices and syntactical quirks to each piece.
I probably can't convince most of you that any of this sounds like fun, but that doesn't matter. I love it.
I had my doubts about editing for a little while. After two straight years of proofreading (which is pretty grueling, to be honest), I was second-guessing my choice to be an editor for the rest of my life. I wasn't sure I was cut out for it. I also wasn't sure that I would get the kind of job that would make me happy. Editing jobs are few and far between out here in Utah. My original plan when my job with the Church ended was to find something well-paying for a year or two and then pick up and head out to New York City, where all the publishing jobs are. I figured that's when my career would start. If I still wanted it to start.
I'm glad that the Lord has bigger plans for me than I did for myself. I was dreaming small, honestly. And this job was definitely His doing. A friend recommended me for an admin assistant position in the Salt Lake KPMG office, so I applied, because I was applying for everything. One interview in, the recruiter was like, "Wait, you like editing?"
"Yes."
"We have a position posted for an editor in L.A. Let me send them your resume."
I didn't really want to move, but I figured it couldn't hurt to explore it a little, so I let him. Turns out that they liked my resume so much that they decided to open the same editing position in Salt Lake so that I wouldn't have to move (my work is not region-specific, so I could literally move anywhere in the country and still do the same job).
I found out after I was hired that this whole situation was pretty much love at first sight for both me and the editing manager. She thought I was perfect and spent the better part of a month trying to find something wrong with me. When that failed, she kept trying to figure out how to get rid of all the other applicants, because she didn't want any of them. On my side, from the first time I talked to her, I knew that I wanted this job. It sounded right up my alley as far as my background went, and I knew that the position would be well within my abilities and that it would push me to be better, too. It also offered the possibility to work from home, to move wherever I wanted, and permanence. Plus, the editors on the team tended to retire. That told me that they didn't get dissatisfied and quit. They stuck it out until they weren't working anymore. I wanted this job so badly. I've wanted it since about the second week in January, but I was terrified that I wouldn't get it, so I was very close-lipped about it.
Turns out, I didn't need to worry. This is exactly where I was supposed to be, and things just worked out. Right down to the fact that I kept coming in second place for all of my other interviews. I had so many interviews, and they all went really, really well. But almost every time, I found myself thinking, "Please don't offer me the job, please, please don't. KPMG hasn't called me back, yet." Since I was collecting unemployment insurance, turning down job after job would have caused me to lose my income, which I couldn't afford. But despite their obvious interest, none of those other jobs extended offers to me. (Well, one company extended me a frankly insulting offer to write out descriptions of bedpans for their website for $12 an hour, even though they knew I'd been making twice that before. I turned them down, obviously.)
So, after two months of unemployment, I landed my dream job. Seriously. If I had stuck to my original plan and gone out to New York, this is probably the kind of thing I would be looking for, because everyone wants the book-publishing jobs, but the positions like this are more stable and pay a little better.
So I got everything I never even knew I wanted from a job about two years earlier than I'd planned. And I can stay with this job for the rest of my life if I want to. No expiration date built in. If, on some crazy chance, I do want to leave it, it's an incredible thing to put on a resume, and I'll have a huge boost finding my next one, though, frankly, I don't ever plan on leaving. I want to build my career here.
So yeah. I'm doing what I love (and rediscovering just how much I do love it in the process), and I'm doing it in an environment that offers me the kind of stability that I've been craving ever since I graduated from college. I'm pretty happy with how my life has gone so far. It really does get better with time. :)
13 April 2014
My Choice
I'm sorry it's been a long time since I've posted. Life has been wonderful, full to the brim with amazing things. I'll go into those at some other time.
I've been sitting on the thoughts I'm about to share for a long time now, and I've been trying to figure out how to share them. I hope that I can do them justice.
Pretty much everyone who reads my blog knows what church I belong to. You know what I believe. I couldn't hide it if I tried. The gospel of Jesus Christ is so much a part of me that it leaks out even when I might be trying to be discreet (which, to be honest, we shouldn't ever try to be discreet about what we believe). I love this gospel, and I've chosen it with my whole heart. I've chosen to belong to the Lord. Perhaps not in the typical "bride of God" sense, because I still plan to give my heart and my soul to my husband someday (when I find him). But I am God's. Without question, without reservation.
I have noticed a disturbing trend among people today, whether they are friends, acquaintances, family, or total strangers. Many of them want to pick and choose among the doctrines of the gospel. Certain teachings anger, frustrate, or infuriate them. They fight against such teachings with remarkable persuasive ability. I am not condemning or passing judgment on these people. They are allowed to express their beliefs. I don't know their situations, or what makes it hard for them to accept some doctrines and not others.
But I am allowed to express my beliefs too. And I'm going to.
For me, there is no picking and choosing from the doctrines of the gospel. There is no picking and choosing which conference talks are doctrine and which aren't. God does not need to be corrected. His servants - the prophets, apostles, and general authorities of the Church - do not need to be corrected. They are not wrong. Yes, they are men, and they aren't perfect. I worked for the Church. Believe me, I know it for a fact. They have their opinions and political views and personal viewpoints just as much as any of us do. But they are also called of God, and when they speak to us as such, they are speaking on His behalf. That means general conference. That means letters from the First Presidency. That means articles written by them in the Church magazines. They sign their names to those documents and addresses as "President" or "Elder" for a reason.
Now, I want to be very clear about my thoughts on this. I'm not saying that I blindly follow everything that they say or ask us to do. I have had my doubts. I've struggled with some of the doctrines of the gospel. I have wrestled over conflicting opinions on the same difficult subjects that weigh so heavily on many others. I still am not entirely settled on where my own opinions on many such topics fall.
Not everything they say applies to me specifically. I am not married. I'm not a parent. I'm not a man. I did not leave some other religion to join this one. I am not a prospective or returned full-time missionary (okay, yes, in the sense that I plan to serve someday with my husband, 40 to 50 years down the road, yes, I am). There are lot of things they talk about that I am not. But there are also many things that ALL of them talk about that I am. I am human. I am a woman. I am single. I am young. I am afraid. I am going through trials that test my faith. I have wavered in that faith. I have had my testimony shaken. I have made mistakes. I have needed the Atonement. I am often doubtful or uncertain. I am a daughter. I am a friend. I am a child of God. I am His disciple.
I believe that complaining about what the general authorities teach when they talked about women who are married and having children just because you are single, divorced, barren, or too busy with a career (I'm using feminine examples here, because I understand them better, but masculine things apply just as well) is selfish. Is that harsh? Perhaps. But it suggests a blinded approach to the doctrines of the gospel. Lessons of patience addressed to mothers (or fathers) of young children are still universal. We all need patience. A talk about teaching children can inspire us to teach ourselves or those around us. A lesson to a child about obeying his or her parents can help us learn to obey the Lord, our parents, our spouses, even our bosses at work. A lesson about missionary work can inspire us to convert ourselves. Talking about financial stability can help us to spread the principles of budgeting and "saying no" to frivolous wants to our spiritual lives, learning to say no to things that we don't really need. Saying that those lessons don't apply because we are not specifically mentioned by the categories we place ourselves in is effectively slamming the door in the Lord's face and saying, "Unless you talk to me on my terms, I'm not going to listen." That is selfish and arrogant when we consider who we're talking to.
It all applies to us. I'm convinced of that. Sure, I may not be addicted to pornography, so I may not need every word that's spoken about it, but I know people who are who may need my help. Or, the discussion of the effects of pornography on a marriage may help me to be careful about not letting anything (sexual or not) become more important than my husband. If something isn't obviously applicable, dig a little deeper. There's something in there that does apply. That's how the gospel works.
Now, I'm not pronouncing any kind of fate on people who question the teachings of the prophets or express their concerns and/or disagreements. In fact, I thank them. We are supposed to question. We are supposed to ask. If I never heard or read conflicting viewpoints, I wouldn't be certain of what it is I have chosen to believe. But I'm not going to say that I agree with you if you disagree with what they teach. I'm not going to pretend that it doesn't bother me just as much as my supposed blind obedience bothers you. I am not okay with people who say that the apostles are blind, closed-minded, backwards old men. That's not okay with me, and here's why.
I chose them. I chose them as my authority. I chose the God that they serve. I am an intelligent woman. I have studied philosophy, psychology, science, and theology. I understand rhetoric and logic. I rely on it, in fact. This was no blind choice that I have made. I have read countless dissenting opinions on pretty much every doctrine or belief that I hold dear. I have weighed their words, considered their opinions, and taken time to discuss things with others, both in and out of my own religion. And I have still chosen them.
What God would want blind obedience? Doesn't that defeat the purpose? Blindly obeying everything someone tells you to do turns you into whatever it is that they want you to be. You become a reflection of them. You become their slave, with no will or decision-making power of your own. That's not the desire of the God I have chosen to follow. He wants thinking, intelligent, rational people to work on His behalf. He wants us to ask questions, to give voice to our fears and doubts. He wants us to struggle through internal conflict, because only then do we discover who we are and what we're capable of. Only then can He make us into more than we were before.
How do I know this? Because I live it every day. I have been afraid. I have been confused. I have even been angry at the Lord. I have certainly not agreed with everything I've been asked to do. In many such cases, my pride was hurt, I was embarrassed, or I felt I was right. But in every single instance, submitting my will to the Lord's has made me into more, not less. I have achieved more than I had ever originally planned for myself. I have become a better person than I thought I could be. I have learned more things than I knew my brain could hold.
I like who I am. I don't want to be any different than I am right now, except to keep becoming better, because I know I'm not done yet. If you could become the best person in the world at something, if you knew you could do it, would you quit halfway? Perhaps that helps you understand my choice. I'm not necessarily trying to become the best writer or artist or thinker in the world. But I am trying to become the best version of myself that I can become. I'll be the best Lynnae in the world (other Lynnaes in the world, you can be the best, too, but you won't be me. You'll be you).
What I'm trying to say is that this is my choice. This is my life. This is who I am. I have chosen to follow my Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ. I have chosen to follow the prophets, both past and present. I will not yield on this point. Ever. I decided almost ten years ago now that I would never give up on the teachings of this Church, no matter what got thrown my way. I might question, wonder, worry, fume, and cry about it, but I would always act on the gospel principles first. If they failed me, then I would know that it was wrong. But I would never assume that they were wrong before I tried them out. I would act in faith.
And guess what? The teachings of this church have never failed me. I have never once regretted choosing them over something a disagreeing opinion says is okay, but I have regretted choosing the disagreeing opinion over the principles of the gospel. That is enough empirical evidence to make me certain of my choice.
I love you all. I hope that you find similar certainty in our crazy, messed up world. I don't even mind if you find certainty in an opinion that opposes mine. Whatever you choose, stick to it. If it gives you peace, stick to it. Even the world, for all of its problems, rewards the people to stick to their guns far more than those who waffle about and change their minds with every opinion that comes their way. I have made my choice, and I'm sticking to it, no matter what. I hope you all find something that you can do the same with.
(I'll get back to my normal writing soon, I promise. Thanks for reading.)
I've been sitting on the thoughts I'm about to share for a long time now, and I've been trying to figure out how to share them. I hope that I can do them justice.
Pretty much everyone who reads my blog knows what church I belong to. You know what I believe. I couldn't hide it if I tried. The gospel of Jesus Christ is so much a part of me that it leaks out even when I might be trying to be discreet (which, to be honest, we shouldn't ever try to be discreet about what we believe). I love this gospel, and I've chosen it with my whole heart. I've chosen to belong to the Lord. Perhaps not in the typical "bride of God" sense, because I still plan to give my heart and my soul to my husband someday (when I find him). But I am God's. Without question, without reservation.
I have noticed a disturbing trend among people today, whether they are friends, acquaintances, family, or total strangers. Many of them want to pick and choose among the doctrines of the gospel. Certain teachings anger, frustrate, or infuriate them. They fight against such teachings with remarkable persuasive ability. I am not condemning or passing judgment on these people. They are allowed to express their beliefs. I don't know their situations, or what makes it hard for them to accept some doctrines and not others.
But I am allowed to express my beliefs too. And I'm going to.
For me, there is no picking and choosing from the doctrines of the gospel. There is no picking and choosing which conference talks are doctrine and which aren't. God does not need to be corrected. His servants - the prophets, apostles, and general authorities of the Church - do not need to be corrected. They are not wrong. Yes, they are men, and they aren't perfect. I worked for the Church. Believe me, I know it for a fact. They have their opinions and political views and personal viewpoints just as much as any of us do. But they are also called of God, and when they speak to us as such, they are speaking on His behalf. That means general conference. That means letters from the First Presidency. That means articles written by them in the Church magazines. They sign their names to those documents and addresses as "President" or "Elder" for a reason.
Now, I want to be very clear about my thoughts on this. I'm not saying that I blindly follow everything that they say or ask us to do. I have had my doubts. I've struggled with some of the doctrines of the gospel. I have wrestled over conflicting opinions on the same difficult subjects that weigh so heavily on many others. I still am not entirely settled on where my own opinions on many such topics fall.
Not everything they say applies to me specifically. I am not married. I'm not a parent. I'm not a man. I did not leave some other religion to join this one. I am not a prospective or returned full-time missionary (okay, yes, in the sense that I plan to serve someday with my husband, 40 to 50 years down the road, yes, I am). There are lot of things they talk about that I am not. But there are also many things that ALL of them talk about that I am. I am human. I am a woman. I am single. I am young. I am afraid. I am going through trials that test my faith. I have wavered in that faith. I have had my testimony shaken. I have made mistakes. I have needed the Atonement. I am often doubtful or uncertain. I am a daughter. I am a friend. I am a child of God. I am His disciple.
I believe that complaining about what the general authorities teach when they talked about women who are married and having children just because you are single, divorced, barren, or too busy with a career (I'm using feminine examples here, because I understand them better, but masculine things apply just as well) is selfish. Is that harsh? Perhaps. But it suggests a blinded approach to the doctrines of the gospel. Lessons of patience addressed to mothers (or fathers) of young children are still universal. We all need patience. A talk about teaching children can inspire us to teach ourselves or those around us. A lesson to a child about obeying his or her parents can help us learn to obey the Lord, our parents, our spouses, even our bosses at work. A lesson about missionary work can inspire us to convert ourselves. Talking about financial stability can help us to spread the principles of budgeting and "saying no" to frivolous wants to our spiritual lives, learning to say no to things that we don't really need. Saying that those lessons don't apply because we are not specifically mentioned by the categories we place ourselves in is effectively slamming the door in the Lord's face and saying, "Unless you talk to me on my terms, I'm not going to listen." That is selfish and arrogant when we consider who we're talking to.
It all applies to us. I'm convinced of that. Sure, I may not be addicted to pornography, so I may not need every word that's spoken about it, but I know people who are who may need my help. Or, the discussion of the effects of pornography on a marriage may help me to be careful about not letting anything (sexual or not) become more important than my husband. If something isn't obviously applicable, dig a little deeper. There's something in there that does apply. That's how the gospel works.
Now, I'm not pronouncing any kind of fate on people who question the teachings of the prophets or express their concerns and/or disagreements. In fact, I thank them. We are supposed to question. We are supposed to ask. If I never heard or read conflicting viewpoints, I wouldn't be certain of what it is I have chosen to believe. But I'm not going to say that I agree with you if you disagree with what they teach. I'm not going to pretend that it doesn't bother me just as much as my supposed blind obedience bothers you. I am not okay with people who say that the apostles are blind, closed-minded, backwards old men. That's not okay with me, and here's why.
I chose them. I chose them as my authority. I chose the God that they serve. I am an intelligent woman. I have studied philosophy, psychology, science, and theology. I understand rhetoric and logic. I rely on it, in fact. This was no blind choice that I have made. I have read countless dissenting opinions on pretty much every doctrine or belief that I hold dear. I have weighed their words, considered their opinions, and taken time to discuss things with others, both in and out of my own religion. And I have still chosen them.
What God would want blind obedience? Doesn't that defeat the purpose? Blindly obeying everything someone tells you to do turns you into whatever it is that they want you to be. You become a reflection of them. You become their slave, with no will or decision-making power of your own. That's not the desire of the God I have chosen to follow. He wants thinking, intelligent, rational people to work on His behalf. He wants us to ask questions, to give voice to our fears and doubts. He wants us to struggle through internal conflict, because only then do we discover who we are and what we're capable of. Only then can He make us into more than we were before.
How do I know this? Because I live it every day. I have been afraid. I have been confused. I have even been angry at the Lord. I have certainly not agreed with everything I've been asked to do. In many such cases, my pride was hurt, I was embarrassed, or I felt I was right. But in every single instance, submitting my will to the Lord's has made me into more, not less. I have achieved more than I had ever originally planned for myself. I have become a better person than I thought I could be. I have learned more things than I knew my brain could hold.
I like who I am. I don't want to be any different than I am right now, except to keep becoming better, because I know I'm not done yet. If you could become the best person in the world at something, if you knew you could do it, would you quit halfway? Perhaps that helps you understand my choice. I'm not necessarily trying to become the best writer or artist or thinker in the world. But I am trying to become the best version of myself that I can become. I'll be the best Lynnae in the world (other Lynnaes in the world, you can be the best, too, but you won't be me. You'll be you).
What I'm trying to say is that this is my choice. This is my life. This is who I am. I have chosen to follow my Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ. I have chosen to follow the prophets, both past and present. I will not yield on this point. Ever. I decided almost ten years ago now that I would never give up on the teachings of this Church, no matter what got thrown my way. I might question, wonder, worry, fume, and cry about it, but I would always act on the gospel principles first. If they failed me, then I would know that it was wrong. But I would never assume that they were wrong before I tried them out. I would act in faith.
And guess what? The teachings of this church have never failed me. I have never once regretted choosing them over something a disagreeing opinion says is okay, but I have regretted choosing the disagreeing opinion over the principles of the gospel. That is enough empirical evidence to make me certain of my choice.
I love you all. I hope that you find similar certainty in our crazy, messed up world. I don't even mind if you find certainty in an opinion that opposes mine. Whatever you choose, stick to it. If it gives you peace, stick to it. Even the world, for all of its problems, rewards the people to stick to their guns far more than those who waffle about and change their minds with every opinion that comes their way. I have made my choice, and I'm sticking to it, no matter what. I hope you all find something that you can do the same with.
(I'll get back to my normal writing soon, I promise. Thanks for reading.)
07 February 2014
Of Nails and Nagging
I got my first professional manicure.Yep, I opened with that.
Cassie needed a girl's night, and we decided to do a proper one (read: manis and chick-flicks instead of burgers and superhero movies) for once.
My nails look superb (all natural, baby... I just got them shellacked), and I'm enjoying it, but I won't be doing it often, considering it cost the same as filling up a car with gas.
No thank you.
I'll just use my $4 bottle of magnetic nail polish to do my nails most of the time.
That's my happiest thing to report at the moment.
In other news, I got told how to job hunt by a Utah government employee who believed that 24 was far too young to have any idea how to put together a resume and conduct a proper interview. I didn't appreciate it. Maybe I should be more humble, but I didn't like being talked down to. Just because I'm unemployed doesn't mean I'm unemployable. Tell that to the 12 jobs who told me I was their second choice for their positions.
Ha.
Now to find the one that has me as their first choice...
In the meantime, no more gas-tank-priced manicures. As pretty as they are.
30 January 2014
Fun with Fish
One more post in January! Who knows? If I'm feeling a little nutty, I might even post tomorrow, too.
Truth be told, I'm halfway through my Double-breaded Lemon Flounder recipe and then discovered that we're out of eggs, so I'm chilling with my fish while Roommate runs to the store to get more. So I'm blogging instead of just wasting time mindlessly on the internet while she's gone.
It's okay. You can be proud of me.
Also, I made a smoothie this morning. It was delicious.
I'm not turning into a health nut. Or even a domestic goddess who posts perfect recipes on her blog all the time. I'm a big fan of eating food that tastes delicious, and I do love to cook (it's just the dishes afterward and the delayed gratification of having to cook while my stomach is clamoring for food that gets in the way of culinary bliss for both me and Roommate). But if I ever start cooking and sharing with everybody (unlikely), I'll be doing it on a separate blog.
But honestly? My mother is a fantastic cook, and lots of people knew about her skill back before blogs were a thing. I like sharing my cooking with people who can sit at my table and taste it. Also, apparently I have expensive, complicated tastes in food. When I look up recipes, I always manage to pick the ones that have a million ingredients and take forever to prepare.
Pfft. Forget that.
I want easy food. I'm planning on cooking for a husband and kids someday, and I've gotten old enough to watch my mother burn out on cooking perfect meals every night (Baby Brothers get more pizza than I ever did, the lucky ducks), so I like the idea of easy, quick, low-stress cooking.
Do you guys mind me rambling mindlessly about food? I always feel like I have to write perfect, wonderously interesting blog posts. Instead, y'all usually get slightly rambling, meandering posts. In fact, this one literally has no point. Well, except that I'm passing time until Roommate gets back so that I can finish cooking.
Welcome to a peek into my normal day. I don't usually give a lot of glimpses of that. :)
Truth be told, I'm halfway through my Double-breaded Lemon Flounder recipe and then discovered that we're out of eggs, so I'm chilling with my fish while Roommate runs to the store to get more. So I'm blogging instead of just wasting time mindlessly on the internet while she's gone.
It's okay. You can be proud of me.
Also, I made a smoothie this morning. It was delicious.
I'm not turning into a health nut. Or even a domestic goddess who posts perfect recipes on her blog all the time. I'm a big fan of eating food that tastes delicious, and I do love to cook (it's just the dishes afterward and the delayed gratification of having to cook while my stomach is clamoring for food that gets in the way of culinary bliss for both me and Roommate). But if I ever start cooking and sharing with everybody (unlikely), I'll be doing it on a separate blog.
But honestly? My mother is a fantastic cook, and lots of people knew about her skill back before blogs were a thing. I like sharing my cooking with people who can sit at my table and taste it. Also, apparently I have expensive, complicated tastes in food. When I look up recipes, I always manage to pick the ones that have a million ingredients and take forever to prepare.
Pfft. Forget that.
I want easy food. I'm planning on cooking for a husband and kids someday, and I've gotten old enough to watch my mother burn out on cooking perfect meals every night (Baby Brothers get more pizza than I ever did, the lucky ducks), so I like the idea of easy, quick, low-stress cooking.
Do you guys mind me rambling mindlessly about food? I always feel like I have to write perfect, wonderously interesting blog posts. Instead, y'all usually get slightly rambling, meandering posts. In fact, this one literally has no point. Well, except that I'm passing time until Roommate gets back so that I can finish cooking.
Welcome to a peek into my normal day. I don't usually give a lot of glimpses of that. :)
24 January 2014
Guess What I've Been Doing?
Hello, friends!
So I haven't waited two months before blogging again. Go me.
I've managed to keep myself at least moderately busy, so the cabin fever isn't raging. (It helps that job-hunting requires a lot of work.)
What have I been up to? I figured I'd give you a brief summary, but I'm going to make this just a little interesting, because I'm not going to spell each thing out, which means you might have to guess a little. Plus, blow-by-blow accounts on goings on usually bores me when I write about them, so this gives me greater amusement.
1. Over the course of two days, I outsmarted a killer robot bent on revenge for me destroying her over Christmas break. With a gun that doesn't shoot ordnance. Which prompted Roommate to do this:
2. I dodged a dead end, though rationally (and financially), I probably should have gone down it. I don't regret it, though.
3. I sat on the edge of my seat through space battles and the destruction of an alien race while eating Red Vines to help me maintain composure.
4. I kidnapped my brother's vehicle so that I could dress up all fancy and talk to people about how awesome I am. (Bonus: they thought so, too, but please refer to item # 2.)
5. I rode the train to Bountiful, but had to be chased by my little brother in his car so that I could get into my apartment when I got there.
6. I dug through my family history and have produced very important cards that will be printed out pink, blue, and yellow, which I plan to take care of as soon as possible.
7. I can no longer technically put 0 for the same thing as I did last year.
8. Roommate and I have created a few new things that our children will probably consider tasty traditions someday.
9. I have been considering the possible ramifications of a slightly inept fairy godmother showing up in my room to grant me three wishes and have concluded that I probably wouldn't actually wish for anything. I learn through other people's mistakes. :)
10. Lastly, I saw this:
And this:
And this:
I've had an enjoyable couple of weeks. :)
(Stories on relevant items to follow later.)
So I haven't waited two months before blogging again. Go me.
I've managed to keep myself at least moderately busy, so the cabin fever isn't raging. (It helps that job-hunting requires a lot of work.)
What have I been up to? I figured I'd give you a brief summary, but I'm going to make this just a little interesting, because I'm not going to spell each thing out, which means you might have to guess a little. Plus, blow-by-blow accounts on goings on usually bores me when I write about them, so this gives me greater amusement.
1. Over the course of two days, I outsmarted a killer robot bent on revenge for me destroying her over Christmas break. With a gun that doesn't shoot ordnance. Which prompted Roommate to do this:
2. I dodged a dead end, though rationally (and financially), I probably should have gone down it. I don't regret it, though.
3. I sat on the edge of my seat through space battles and the destruction of an alien race while eating Red Vines to help me maintain composure.
4. I kidnapped my brother's vehicle so that I could dress up all fancy and talk to people about how awesome I am. (Bonus: they thought so, too, but please refer to item # 2.)
5. I rode the train to Bountiful, but had to be chased by my little brother in his car so that I could get into my apartment when I got there.
6. I dug through my family history and have produced very important cards that will be printed out pink, blue, and yellow, which I plan to take care of as soon as possible.
7. I can no longer technically put 0 for the same thing as I did last year.
8. Roommate and I have created a few new things that our children will probably consider tasty traditions someday.
9. I have been considering the possible ramifications of a slightly inept fairy godmother showing up in my room to grant me three wishes and have concluded that I probably wouldn't actually wish for anything. I learn through other people's mistakes. :)
10. Lastly, I saw this:
And this:
And this:
(Stories on relevant items to follow later.)
09 January 2014
Christmas Trees and Blonde Moments
Hi guys! I'm back again! Remember all that free time I said I had? Yep. Still have it. Cleaning my apartment and sending out resumes only takes up so much time when Roommate is gone. Also, I'm sort of procrastinating taking my Christmas tree down.
Yes, it's the 9th of January. Judge me.
It's just so pretty. Did I ever show you a picture? No? Well here you go:
'Spretty, no?
Roommate picked out the colors this year, and I'm a big fan of them. Which is why I'm procrastinating taking it down. One month is not long enough to savor a lovely Christmas tree. But don't worry, I will take it down. This week. I think. Maybe.
In other news, the job hunt is going well. At least, my resumes are procuring interviews, so that's awesome. I'm just making sure I'm staying occupied during my downtime. It is nice to have the freedom to get a lot of things done without having to schedule them in minute-by-minute into an already-full day.
Oh my gosh this post is boring.
Let's see... how to spice things up...
Shall I tell you my recent blonde moment? Yes, I think I shall.
So once upon a time, my father bought a Blu-Ray player. Ever since then, he has been praising its superiority up and down. I'm a bit of a movie purist myself, so I can see his point. I finally put "blu-ray player" on my own Christmas wishlist (and Dad, being beyond awesome, actually got one for me, even though it was the priciest thing on my list—Dad, you're the best). I'd gotten smart and started buying blu-ray/DVD combos of new movies since the price difference was like, fifty cents.
Then I got a blu-ray player for Christmas. And had a panic attack.
WHAT ABOUT MY REGION 2 DVDS??? (Because I'm impatient and couldn't wait for BBC to release Merlin seasons 4 and 5 in the States) I SPECIFICALLY HAVE A REGION-FREE DVD PLAYER FOR THEM! OH NOES! I'm going to have to replace them with American DVDs or Blu-rays. THAT'S GOING TO COST SO MUCH!
Seriously.
It was stressing me out so bad. Yes, I'm aware that it's hilarious that I reached a stress breaking-point over movies. The things that rile us up, honestly.
Anyway, the brick dropped on my head right about then.
Duh, Lynnae. You can have more than one device plugged in. It's not like you have to throw away the other one just because you got a shiny new blu-ray player. You're a moron.
So the silly girl plugged both devices in, and now she can watch her region 2 DVDs, her blu-rays, and her boring normal DVDs whenever she wants. Ta-da!
That's my story.
And hopefully that's the diztiest thing I'll do this month.
No promises though.
Yes, it's the 9th of January. Judge me.
It's just so pretty. Did I ever show you a picture? No? Well here you go:
'Spretty, no?
Roommate picked out the colors this year, and I'm a big fan of them. Which is why I'm procrastinating taking it down. One month is not long enough to savor a lovely Christmas tree. But don't worry, I will take it down. This week. I think. Maybe.
In other news, the job hunt is going well. At least, my resumes are procuring interviews, so that's awesome. I'm just making sure I'm staying occupied during my downtime. It is nice to have the freedom to get a lot of things done without having to schedule them in minute-by-minute into an already-full day.
Oh my gosh this post is boring.
Let's see... how to spice things up...
Shall I tell you my recent blonde moment? Yes, I think I shall.
So once upon a time, my father bought a Blu-Ray player. Ever since then, he has been praising its superiority up and down. I'm a bit of a movie purist myself, so I can see his point. I finally put "blu-ray player" on my own Christmas wishlist (and Dad, being beyond awesome, actually got one for me, even though it was the priciest thing on my list—Dad, you're the best). I'd gotten smart and started buying blu-ray/DVD combos of new movies since the price difference was like, fifty cents.
Then I got a blu-ray player for Christmas. And had a panic attack.
WHAT ABOUT MY REGION 2 DVDS??? (Because I'm impatient and couldn't wait for BBC to release Merlin seasons 4 and 5 in the States) I SPECIFICALLY HAVE A REGION-FREE DVD PLAYER FOR THEM! OH NOES! I'm going to have to replace them with American DVDs or Blu-rays. THAT'S GOING TO COST SO MUCH!
Seriously.
It was stressing me out so bad. Yes, I'm aware that it's hilarious that I reached a stress breaking-point over movies. The things that rile us up, honestly.
Anyway, the brick dropped on my head right about then.
Duh, Lynnae. You can have more than one device plugged in. It's not like you have to throw away the other one just because you got a shiny new blu-ray player. You're a moron.
So the silly girl plugged both devices in, and now she can watch her region 2 DVDs, her blu-rays, and her boring normal DVDs whenever she wants. Ta-da!
That's my story.
And hopefully that's the diztiest thing I'll do this month.
No promises though.
07 January 2014
2013, The Lynnae Perspective
So... I haven't written in two months. Most of you might have given up on me. But I have some free time on my hands (more deets later), so you might actually get more updates now.
Alright! Now that my almost-every-post apology is out of the way, on to the fun stuff! I sucked at it last year, but I have this thing where I try to give a brief, by-the-numbers recap of my previous year, just to summarize things and help me set my own stage for a new year (I did rock it in 2011 and 2012). So here is 2013 In Review.
Lesson Learned - The most important thing this year has taught me is that the best, most lasting happiness has to start with me. My friends, my family, and my romantic relationships all can contribute, but it's my choice that matters the most.
It's been a tough year, but I've discovered that the tough years usually yield the richest blessings and longest-lasting lessons. Whether this coming year contains the same kind of struggles as last year, or new ones stemming from things that completely alter my life, the lessons will all be worth it.
Last year and all the years before it have helped me learn what I'm capable of, and the best part is that my capacity grows every year. I face tougher challenges, but I also experience greater blessings each year. It truly is only uphill from here. It always will be uphill.
I'm ready for a wonderful year. Hello, 2014.
Alright! Now that my almost-every-post apology is out of the way, on to the fun stuff! I sucked at it last year, but I have this thing where I try to give a brief, by-the-numbers recap of my previous year, just to summarize things and help me set my own stage for a new year (I did rock it in 2011 and 2012). So here is 2013 In Review.
ZERO boyfriends this year. This is a data point that has both blessed my life immensely and made it incredibly difficult. It's no secret that being single can be tough, no matter how good you get at it. Deep down, we crave companionship and support, and I am no exception. That means that certain aspects of this last year have been exceptionally painful, and I've struggled. But at the same time, I have learned how to find peace, happiness, and fulfillment on my own, with very little help from the usual sources, which is an incredible gift. I wouldn't change it for anything.
ONE amazing roommate for one year (plus a few months!). Aisley and I have had an adventure when it comes to figuring out how to live together (in some ways, living with just one person is harder than living with five other people, because you can't just ignore the roommates who are bothering you: if you're not getting along, there's no one else to mediate or diffuse the situation, and everything you do affects the other roommate). But we're figuring it out and learning a ton about ourselves and each other in the process. And I've gained a lifetime friend out of it.
TWO years working on the 2013 Edition of the Scriptures, which finally ended in December. That project has made a huge difference in my life. I did that instead of full-time missionary service, and it's the best thing I've ever done with my life. There were ups and downs (a few of them chronicled here), but I wouldn't change any of it for anything in the world. As a result, leaving that job hurt. I miss it. I loved it. It has become a part of me that I'll always carry around, and I can only hope that I find something else as rewarding as that was.
THREE of us Jackson siblings living in Utah now. Jess is in Provo, living and working, and Brian is back from his mission, studying at BYU. I love having them close by. Brian takes such good care of me, and I can't possibly repay him for any of it.
FOUR times that my roommate has pranked the entire apartment out of revenge because I left her alone and went on vacation for too long (read: four days is too long in her opinion). Don't ever wonder why I love living with her. I'm never ever bored.
FIVE dagger or sword objects my roommate and I have on display in our house because both of us are happily nerdy and we take time often to indulge it.
SIX thousand words written on a story that I started working on in November. That's a pittance compared to the typical word count of a novel, but it marks the first time that I've pursued a story idea into actual writing stage since high school. I may have decided to pursue editing instead of writing as my career, but I still have that starry-eyed 13-year-old girl dreaming of being an author hiding underneath, and she's getting to stretch her wings a little bit for the first time in years.
SEVEN members of my family, all back together in April, July, and over Christmas. I guess that's less of a huge deal for our family than it is for others, because none of us are married, so we don't really have anywhere else to spend holidays and vacation time, but it always matters to me. And I never know how much longer it will last, so I treasure it every single time.
EIGHT months until the two-year-anniversary of my going through the temple. Since it happened in 2012 and I didn't do one of these at the beginning of 2013, I have to fudge a little bit to make it work, but my endowment needs to be on this list. It has profoundly affected every other aspect of my life, and I could happily keep it on these lists for the rest of my life. Going through the temple has been one of the biggest, most personally sacred experiences of my life. It's something I'm grateful for every single day.
NINE petals on the fake flower bouquet I still have sitting in my room from my best friend's wedding, which happened in February 2013. She's the first one of our Terrific Trio from my college days to get married, and being her maid of honor was a major highlight of this last year.
TEN years ago, I met my best friend. She has been the one of the most important people in my life ever since then. Ten years is an impressive feat for both of us, since we both grew up moving around every few years, and both of us have made and lost track of many many friends over the years. There is so much solidarity that comes from having someone I can count on no matter what. Thanks, Q, for being there for me as much as my for-real siblings are.
TEN years ago, I met my best friend. She has been the one of the most important people in my life ever since then. Ten years is an impressive feat for both of us, since we both grew up moving around every few years, and both of us have made and lost track of many many friends over the years. There is so much solidarity that comes from having someone I can count on no matter what. Thanks, Q, for being there for me as much as my for-real siblings are.
Lesson Learned - The most important thing this year has taught me is that the best, most lasting happiness has to start with me. My friends, my family, and my romantic relationships all can contribute, but it's my choice that matters the most.
It's been a tough year, but I've discovered that the tough years usually yield the richest blessings and longest-lasting lessons. Whether this coming year contains the same kind of struggles as last year, or new ones stemming from things that completely alter my life, the lessons will all be worth it.
Last year and all the years before it have helped me learn what I'm capable of, and the best part is that my capacity grows every year. I face tougher challenges, but I also experience greater blessings each year. It truly is only uphill from here. It always will be uphill.
I'm ready for a wonderful year. Hello, 2014.
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