A little bit nerdy

Once upon a time, Roommate got an N64 for free from a friend. Neither of us are really gamers. If you had to classify us, we'd be "social gamers," which means we can sit down and enjoy a couple of rounds of MarioKart or Super Smash Bros. with a bunch of friends, but we don't really play much aside from that. She's been playing the Ocarina of Time for two years now, if that gives you any idea. It's a long game, but it's not that long. ;)

Anyway, since N64 is ancient and outdated, games are hard to find, and the popular ones are super expensive. She's been saving up for Super Smash Bros. for almost a year now. Well, I had a Christmas bonus at work and decided to splurge on her Christmas present, so I bought it for her.

It was the perfect present, because she'd really, really wanted it, and it was something that we could do together. Also, it was neither super practical nor completely useless (I swear, finding that magic middle ground in gift-giving is the biggest struggle).

So she opened it and, after tackling me with a rib-breaking hug, she plugged it in and we started playing.

There's something else you need to know about me for this story to make the most sense: I'm not that good at video games. Mostly because I don't play them very often. I'm used to being the worst player in Smash Bros. and MarioKart, and I usually prefer to play with people who aren't overly competitive for that exact reason.

But look at this:

That's me. The wreath. The astonishing number of KOs. The dramatic stance in the background. And I was SO excited that I took a picture because it'll probably never happen again. We also hadn't figured out how to turn off friendly-fire damage, so this feat was slightly more impressive because she was capable of inflicting damage on me (and did, several times). Roommate has since gotten better than me at this game, but I savored my brief, tiny moment of Smash Brothers glory for all it was worth.

I did also beat my brother once, in a viciously competitive, all-out duel. I didn't take a picture though. One was enough.

And that, my friends, is about as gamer-nerdy as I will ever get.

The Grand Chop

Yes, I'm aware that this post is going to be old news for the people who see me regularly, but I still wanted to share it. I cut my hair!

After three years of growing it out (and pouring a lot of love and attention into keeping it healthy that whole time), cutting it off was kind of a big deal for me. In fact, I had a hard time committing to doing it (much to my hair stylist's chagrin). It was really beautiful long, but I like the shorter cut more because it suits me a little bit better.

Though, to my surprise, some of my guyfriends actually openly wept when I chopped it off. Guys really do like longer hair. Go figure.

Before

However, I am also my mother's daughter. She's a cosmetologist. She's always done whatever she wanted with her hair, regardless of what my dad's preferences are (though she's been nice enough to never do something that he hates, and he doesn't try to force his preferences on her--he loves her the way she is). I'm exactly the same way. My hair is mine. I'll do what I want with it. That being said, I'm attached (haha, stupid pun) to it, and I like it long enough to run my fingers through, so if my man really hates pixie cuts on girls, he'll probably never have to worry about it. If, by some weird happenstance, he really likes pixie cuts on girls, well, he might just have to live without that.

After!

Whatever, I've rambled long enough.

Pretend that this is seven months ago and you haven't seen me without long hair in three years. :)

I'm growing it out a little more and plan on keeping it around shoulder length for a while. That's probably my favorite length overall.

By the way, I didn't realize how much I changed my hair until I started the whole online dating thing. I put a range of pictures up and didn't really think about it, but then I started getting a bunch of questions along the lines of, "So what does your hair actually look like right now?" Looking back through them, I realized that it's been long, short, light, dark, black, blonde, even a little red (depending on the lighting).

The winners are always the ones who like it all ways. ;)

Well, what else is new?

Oh hey.

It's me again.

I'm going to sincerely try to be better at blogging this year. This could be another of those well-intentioned New Year's resolutions that tapers off by mid-February, but my life has spiced up in some new and interesting ways, so I think I have more to write about, which will hopefully help.

For one thing, I finally signed up for online dating.

I know.

*GASP!* YOU DID WHAT??

That's a slight exaggeration of my parents' reaction. ;)

It's taken me a long time to come around to the idea because, I'll be honest, I was totally one of those people who thought that online dating was for desperate losers who couldn't catch the attention of anyone in real life. Considering the status of my dating life the last four years, that might not be too far off from the truth. :P

Kidding. Totally kidding.

The idea has been growing on me ever since my best friend from college met her husband through online dating. She's definitely not a desperate loser, and she had a really good experience with it. Then it seemed like all of my friends were getting married that way. (The ones who weren't were marrying people they knew from high school and that is not an option for me.) And all of these people getting married were amazing, socially graceful, intelligent people. Huh. Maybe there's something to this online dating thing after all. But I still put it off for over a year. I finally signed up in November.

And guess what?

It's been pretty cool, actually. I like that the whole concept of online dating is that you have a lot of information about the person right up front, and it kind of facilitates a more open conversation about expectations. I like cutting through the mind games and the weird back-and-forth dynamics of trying to show interest without showing interest that we do so much. For example, I've had a couple of first dates where the guy was like, "Well, this was fun. How are you feeling about a second date?" And I was allowed to decline a second date (or encourage one) without him getting all weird about it. The honesty is refreshing. (It has blown up in my face a few times, where someone takes my difference of opinion personally and gets all mad, but those just make good stories later, and it doesn't happen that often, so I don't care.)

So I'm having some fun with that. Plus, I just went from going on one or two dates per year to having one or more a week, and even though it gets a little overwhelming sometimes, I don't mind having that problem. It's nice to be meeting new people and occasionally making new friends out of it.

Out of respect to the guys--because who knows whether any of them may or may not find this blog--I'm actually going to be a little close-lipped about the specifics of my dates. I'm not going to use them as fodder for blogging material (unless I get a story that's just begging for it). It's also better for me to keep my interests and hopes about specific guys a little more private. Trust me, if I find a good one, you'll hear about him eventually. ;)

So yeah. Online dating. It's not that scary. In fact, it's actually been really nice for my self-esteem to discover that there are guys who will pick me out of a sea of faces and pursue me because they think I'm worth getting to know (and the occasional doofus who's like, "Ur hott, want 2 go out?" is kind of nice, too. As shallow as it is, it's just a teensy bit satisfying to know that I'm pretty enough for some of those super shallow guys who don't care about a girl's personality. I would never date one, obviously, and I might be a bad person for enjoying the attention, but there you have it. I'm just a little bit shallow sometimes).

Overall, I'm just happy that I have lots of opportunities to meet good guys. It's very possible that I'll still meet someone at church, or at work, or serving in the temple (how cheesy and adorable would that be?). I haven't given up on that at all. But if by chance my man is living a couple of cities away and wouldn't bump into me on a normal day, well, now he can still find me. That's worth the effort of online dating, in my opinion.

And I guess I'll have to give more updates later. I rambled longer than planned. :)

Memories

So, in the process of weeding out my stuff, I also had three boxes of childhood memorabilia that my parents brought with them when they came up here for Christmas. Which means I am officially moved out of my parents' house entirely. I don't have anything left there.

Three boxes of stuff I can't use is kind of a lot when you're looking at moving into a new place that has limited storage, so I decided to weed out those boxes and try to reduce the number as much as possible. I'm pretty ruthless about this, which might be traumatic for natural pack-rats. Feel free to look away if you must. It gets a little messy.

Basically, I had two rules: If I've used it in the last year, or it's obvious that I could use it with my children, I kept it. If it triggered a strong memory, I kept it. If I didn't pick something up and get thrown back into my childhood by it, I chucked it. And I ended up with only one box when I was done. Like I said. It got a little gory. Many childhood nicknacks have been sacrificed to the D.I. bag (and the unsuitable ones to the garbage bag) here today.

But then I came across these two:

Go figure they're practically staring up at me beseechingly.

And I had a little problem. Because they're probably my most treasured stuffed animals from before I was about six. Simba has a weird little tube in him that makes him purr when you squeeze him, and Hayley the Bunny Rabbit was a gift from my great aunt that I took everywhere with me. And because I was an adorable little girl, Simba and Hayley were usually married and had a slew of children that were puppies, tigers, bears, dragons, and, once, a turkey (???). I've pretty much tossed most of my other stuffed animals, but these two have survived 10 or more purges over the years.

They're bedraggled, well-loved by a child who loved cuddling with them, and I have very, very strong memories associated with them.

But I didn't have room.

Everything fit in one box (including some less well-loved stuffed animals that my kids will probably love) except them. From my own experience as a kid, I didn't really like playing with my mom's well-loved stuffed animals from her childhood, so I can pretty much guarantee that my kids won't want them, especially when newer, softer ones are available (and I have a few of those).

So what do I do?

Making them into a scrapbook-style memory seemed the most fitting tribute, so here I am.

Of course, now that I've written this post, a part of me wants to go home, pull them out of the D.I. bag, and find a way to make them fit into my one box of childhood.

Oh, nostalgia. You're a hard one to beat.

I'm totally okay with change

You know what I actually really like?

Moving.

I love moving.

I like digging through my stuff, throwing things out, reliving memories as I open up old boxes to see if I still need anything in them, and reorganizing my life into boxes and rooms.

I also love unpacking and spreading out into a new home, watching empty rooms fill up with all the things that matter to me. I've even redecorated my room a couple of times in the last year, even though I haven't moved, just because I enjoy the refresh.

Maybe it's a really stereotypically womanly thing, but I really do love making my house a home. I love the idea of decorating, cooking things that smell good, and having plushy couches that beg people to curl up on them with a good book. And the older I get, the stronger that desire gets.

So yeah, as I may have mentioned, I'm moving. Roommate and I have been simmering over this decision for a couple of months now, and while we really do love living together, we've both been itching for a change. She's looking forward to living with someone new, and I've been dying to get into my own home. For me, it's time. I've had roommates long enough, and I'm ready to have a space that is 100% my own.

Hello, home office and guest bedroom. Little Brother is so excited to have a real bed to sleep in when he comes up to visit for the weekend.

Will it be tough, living alone? Maybe a little bit. I'll be more likely to get lonely, but I've gotten really good at dealing with that in the last couple of years, and I know that I won't hermit up and get depressed. In fact, it might actually be better for me because I'll have to reach out of my comfort zone and invite people over (or go out with them) in order to have company. In some ways, having my roommate around becomes a little bit of a crutch, because I get enough social interaction from her that I don't reach out to other people who might be in greater need of a friend than she is.

I also realize that I'm running the risk of settling into habits and getting used to doing things exactly the way I want them that might present an interesting challenge when I do eventually get married. But that's been a risk for years. My poor husband is going to have to spend the first year or so of our marriage trying to remind me to let him open the dang jars and reach the hard-to-reach stuff on the top shelf anyway. Poor man. :)

But remember? I like change. So maybe that won't be so difficult after all. ;)

By the way, do you know what I really dislike?

Being all ready to jump into action and having to sit around waiting. Yep. My apartment isn't available yet. So I have all this pent-up energy and motivation to get the ball rolling and I can't let it run free yet. So if I seem cranky or like I'm stewing, it's probably because of that.

Aside from that, life is wonderful. And I genuinely mean that. Yes, there are little annoyances and things that throw my mood off for a few hours (or a day, sometimes), but I'm still incredibly blessed, and I never entirely forget that.

Happy 2015! plus, Life Update!

Wow. I've been worse at blogging this year than ever before. Conversely, I've been better at journaling in an actual journal. You know, the kind that only you and your kids ever see. I rocked at that this year. It seems blogging and journaling have an inverse relationship for me. So, I need to do my annual year-in-review post and then hopefully fill you in on the rest of my life. So off we go!

ZERO, the number of roommates I'll have this coming year, since I finally got my very own apartment. I signed for it over Christmas! It's also the number of vacuums I have for said new apartment, though I have pretty much everything else I need. ;)

ONE queen bed, plus a bedroom set, that I bought for myself this year. Goodbye, cramped little twin bed! I'm sleeping in a bedroom that looks like it belongs to an adult, and I'm a little bit a lot happy about that. Also, bright side, I will have ONE guest bed for friends and family to sleep in when they come to visit me now!

TWO siblings on missions: Jess in Germany and Ben in Guatemala. We talked to both of them over Christmas, and I am so unbelievably proud of their faith and dedication in serving the Lord. It's so cool to have them both out at the same time. 

THREE months ago, I started volunteering at the Bountiful temple as an ordinance worker on Saturday evenings. It eats into my social life quite a bit, but I haven't once regretted it. The blessings I've received since I started have far outweighed any social inconvenience. I also have the opportunity to dust off my foreign language skills and learn the ordinances in Spanish to help with the Spanish session we have every Saturday. That's one of my New Year's resolutions. :)

FOUR days in Washington, DC for a business trip this last October. First, I have a job that sends me on business trips. How cool is that? Second, I haven't been to DC since I was five (and I vividly remember the giant fake penny that I got there that fell down a drainage grate after I got home--I stared mournfully through that grate for a few weeks after that, watching the mud pile up on that glint of copper at the bottom... wow, that is is a really vivid memory from 20 years ago...). Third, I got to meet my hilarious and wonderful team of editors (who are scattered all over the country) for the first time, and it felt like I'd known them for years. 

FIVE times five equals 25, which is how old I turned this last year, and it has been wonderful. From an excellent birthday surprise by Roommate to the insurance cuts that you get if you have a perfect driving record to finally figuring out a few more things about life and love, 25 has been an excellent year for me. It's probably been my favorite age so far. I almost don't want to turn 26, not because I don't want to get old, but because I'm not done being 25 yet.   

SIX Jacksons with full-fledged temple recommends (and Baby Brother super excited to do the same when he's older). When I was younger, I watched a lot of my cousins struggle and fall away from the Church, and I was always a little afraid that one of my siblings would, too. It's still a mild concern (enough that it keeps us lovingly bolstering each other's testimonies when times get hard), but my parents' incredible examples of faith and devotion to the Lord above everything else have clearly impacted me and my siblings and inspired us to set the same patterns for ourselves, including temple service. I find a lot of comfort in knowing that my brothers and sister can and will face difficulties with optimism and hope, no matter what comes their way. 

SEVEN months ago, I finally, finally bought my first car! Her name is Phoebe, she's three years old, and I have no regrets about the amount of time I spent saving for her, because I was able to afford an almost-new, very nice car. It also frees me up to do a lot of things I couldn't do before.

EIGHT hours (give or take a little) of incredibly uplifting conversations with a man who completely changed my mind about pretty much all of my dating fears. No, he's not still in my life, but he treated me better than I've been treated by a date in years, and he restored my excitement about dating in general. Go him! He was also proof that even a relatively tiny amount of time and effort can make a lasting impact on someone else. Little things can yield big results, even if you're not around to see them later. He won't ever know what he did, but I know, and my future family will be blessed by it. (Cheesy, I know, but it's true.)

NINE hours and forty minutes: the length of the drive Brian and I took to Sacramento for Thanksgiving, which marked Phoebe's first road trip (she did wonderfully well), AND the first time in five years that I've been able to spend both Thanksgiving and Christmas with my immediate family, since my parents and baby brother flew to meet us in Sacramento to spend the holiday with our Granddad, who lives in El Dorado.

TEN months at an incredible job. I know! TEN MONTHS! It's flown by so fast. I still love it as much as I did when I started, and I'm still content with the idea of working here for the rest of my life. That is a blessing I'm constantly thankful for. I love loving what I do for work. :)

Lesson Learned - This year has been a year of dreams come true. Yes, I've still had challenges and struggles (that's normal), but looking back over this year, I am overwhelmed by how many things fell into place this year. Last year, I learned that my happiness starts with me, and now, after another year of putting that into practice, I am amazed by how good this year has been! Dreams DO come true. They absolutely do. Sometimes, we have to work through a lot of pain and suffering before they do, but if it matters to us, it matters to God, and He'll help us make it happen.

And the other thing I've learned this is year is that my dreams (and yours) are worth the wait. Patience pays off. If it takes longer than you expect, then you'll appreciate it more when you do get it. My incredible job means a lot more to me because I worked through stressful, tenuous employment for two years beforehand. I appreciate my car more because I worked so hard for it (and even gave up the chance to buy a few times before I finally did). Don't ever give up on your dreams; the reality is so much better than your imagination could ever make it. 2014 was a fantastic year. 2015 will be incredible too, even if hard things happen.  It always gets better. ^_^