Happy Happy Nerd

Life is busy. It's hectic. I have way too much on my mind most days. But as if that weren't enough, I received a gift today. A gift with the title The J.R.R. Tolkien Companion and Guide. Stephanie said it was a "Happy I love you Day!" present (aka, she won a fat discount at the Bookstore today and just so happened to find the perfect book). And it is probably one of the best spontaneous presents I've ever been given. So my problem?

I can't put it down.

And I have SO much to do! Stephanie offered to write letters of apology to my professors, which, though tempting, is not something I can condone. Because, I repeat, I have so much to do! And all of it needs doing.

Sigh.

My nerd is so very insistent sometimes. I need to convince her to nerd out about magazine articles or something instead. But she's so set on Tolkien.

So basically, my nerd is extremely happy right now. The rest of me is a little worried about the pile of items on my to-do list. A conflict of interests? Oh yes. Absolutely. Given the option, I would be happily curled up under a blanket right now. Unfortunately, being an adult means that responsibility sometimes negates options. And so I plug away at article-writing, flyer-designing, and resume-spiffing. At least they're all fun(ish), so I can keep the nerd quiet long enough to focus.

And what a sweet reward I will have when I'm done. :)

On My Mind

My brain won't let me sleep tonight. Which is why I'm up at an unseemly hour, writing a blog post instead of being sound asleep in my bed. That's where I'd really like to be, but no, my brain (and the slightly-too-warm temperature of our apartment) decided to drag me out here to the couch. Sigh.

So what is plaguing me? Oh, the usual. Things undone. Things still to do. Boys. Work. School. Life. Pretty much everything.

Caught her in mid-laugh. It's so perfectly Janae, and I love it!

On the bright side, the completion of my to-do list is roughly half done. Savannah and I got up this morning and did a photoshoot with my beautiful friend Janae so that I could get some pictures to work with for a project in my InDesign class. This isn't a picture I'll use, but I'll give you a sneak peek: -------------->

My date last night went well. Zivko is one of the funnest (and funniest) people to be around, so it was pretty much impossible for it to be anything but fun. I don't mean to make it sound like a checklist, but having the date done takes a pretty big stress off my shoulders, since it was girls choice and therefore required planning, paying for, and making sure he had a good time. It ups my respect for guys, since they do this all the time. The more I learn about them, the more I'm impressed. Way to go, men. You handle the stress of date-planning far more gracefully than I do, I think.

I'll be honest, the award for what's-on-Lynnae's-mind-the-most goes to the Church Magazine internship. Half of me wants to just get this over with, but the other half knows that I need to give it my best. Then there's a third half that yo-yos back and forth between panic and excitement at any given moment. (Status check: more on the panicky side right now.)

I have so much more to say, I promise! Life really is great right now, but I suppose that the brain running in overdrive does not lend itself well to cheerful, optimistic recounting of events. So, in an effort to avoid thinking too much, I'm going to sit down and read The Infinite Atonement, because that, more than anything else, slows the whirling thoughts down. :)

On a side note that is only partially connected to the previous thought: Not long ago, I made a list of 100 life goals. 100 things I'd like to have achieved when I die. Some are pretty personal, but some are more fun, and I'd kind of like to share them, since they run along the veins of New Year's Resolutions. So, once a week or so, I'll spotlight a goal that I'm working on or hope to achieve someday.

Yep, I just now decided that. It'll help me keep things in perspective. :)

And Guilder to Frame for It

So basically, in the next 72 hours, I have to:

Interview two people and do a follow-up interview with an already-completed interview
Edit an article
Edit my own article
Rewrite my own article
Figure out how to save my plans for the photography of my flyer after Savannah was apparently kidnapped by aliens
Plan and teach my Sunday School lesson
Visit teach two girls (one of whom is not mine -- I'm helping a friend out)
Meet with my professor about my resume
Begin work on my writing samples for my portfolio
Apply for the Church Magazine internship
Go on a date to the girls choice dance
Throw Stephanie a birthday party
Go to the temple
And sacrifice a goat. While being electrocuted. (Zivko and Steph, that's for you)

I'm swamped!

Oh, and presumably, I also have to feed myself somewhere in there too. Bathing would also be nice. As would sleep. Free time? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

So my coping strategy? Sit on the couch, rocking back and forth, stuffing my face with ice cream while writing in my blog. Mm hm. Excellent strategy, Lynnae.

Seriously though, life is pretty good. Yes, it's super busy, but most of the things on that list are things that I love doing. Minus the goat one. I made that up. Goat-sacrificing really isn't my thing.

Yeah.

But those other things! I love most of those. I'd just love them more if I didn't have to do them all at once. But such is life. Anyone who says differently is selling something.

Official

So it's official. I just finished my graduation application today.

And I got accepted.

...

WHOA

...

That's just now sinking in.

I'm graduating.

Mixed Emotions

Oh the joys of planning my future. Just when I think I have an idea of how it might all play out, something comes along to remind me that Someone has a better idea of it than I do. For example, I have this ambition to work for Church Magazines someday. They have an internship. Which is cool. Well, more than cool. Like, really cool. Yeah, you get the point.

So.

I hadn't thought that I could do said cool internship because my schedule was too crammed tight to allow for the necessary internship hours. And I would graduate before my schedule showed any signs of loosening up. Scratch the internship.

Au contraire.

My professor gets up in class on Thursday to inform us that there is another informational meeting about said cool internship. I zone out partially, knowing that I am, in fact excluded. Until! He says the magic words: "If you apply while you're a student -- which all of you are -- you can still do the internship the semester immediately following your graduation."

Well, I don't know about you, but my schedule is glaringly open for the months of September to December, seeing as I will no longer be a student (I was this close to spelling it "stoodent" just for kicks...) and I don't have any job offers (at the moment) that present a better option. Plus, I can't think of a job offer I'd rather have than this internship.

Also, this internship is paid. And 40 hours/week. For four months. At a higher wage than I'm making right now, by a lot. So all in all, things start to look really exciting.

And then it hit. This crushing weight of self-doubt and insecurity. "You're not good enough to get this internship," whispered a nasty, cruel little voice in my head, "look around you. You see all these people? They're editing students too. And your professor just spent the last ten minutes praising that girl for being so proactive and involved. What have you done? Not much so far."

Wow. Intense much?

Honestly though, I cannot begin to describe how crushing those fears were. They were utterly irrational, which tipped me off as to their source. It took me about a minute to realize that I was not being told that this was something I should just not worry about. It was, in fact, something I desperately needed to attempt. But the backlash of opposition was just staggering. Because not only is this internship something I want more than anything in the world, this internship represents a gateway to my future. A gateway into becoming the person I've only caught glimpses of up to this point.

And I was scared.

Ridiculous, you say? Well, I agree. And I knew it right off the bat. Which is why, in quick succession, I received inspiration to say a prayer, go to a friend for a blessing, read my patriarchal blessing, and, most important of all, call my dad. Those four actions shored up my defenses and restored my unquestioning faith that my life is in Hands more capable than my own.

And I know one thing more.

This internship, this application, it's important. So very important. You know that feeling you get when you just know that something is the right thing to do? For me, it's a swooping rush of warmth that rushes through my body. My heart starts pounding with strong, powerful beats (quite different from the light, tremulous, rapid-fire beats that come from fear) and I don't feel like I can get started on my task quick enough. That's how I felt.

Even if I don't get the internship, that's okay. Yes, I want it more than I've ever wanted anything. Yes, it feels like my future hangs on this one moment. But no, it will not be the end of the world if I am passed over for a different applicant. Because what matters most is that the Lord says "go for it!" and I go. It cannot be a failure if I make this attempt, because I will have obeyed. I will have tried.

And if I get this...

Let's just say that words would not begin to express my happiness.

So wish me luck. This internship means the world to me, and fighting for it is both exhilarating and terrifying. But whichever way the results go, I will have succeeded because I will have given it my all.

One More Reason to Love Hugs

No, not this kind...

THIS kind! :-)

In close connection to my previous post, I recently learned something pretty cool about hugs. Now, I love hugs. I'm a very huggy, snuggly person by nature. I grew up giving them to everyone (including the missionaries, until Mom told me that I couldn't hug them anymore -- I still remember how crushed I was about that). I've also always been most keenly affected by the feeling of peace and safety I could find in a hug from someone who cared.

Don't get me wrong, kisses are probably my favorite form of expressing romantic affection, but there's something a little more unconditional and, well, secure about a hug. It doesn't have to be romantic, but it carries with it a strong indication of love, support, and genuine investment.

(Keep in mind, I'm talking about the good hugs, not those half-hearted, limp-noodled hugs you may bestow on a date or a new acquaintance)

I've always rather liked that, no matter where you're from, what language you speak, or what culture you're raised in, the hug is fairly universal in its meaning. Sure, some of the nuances vary from place to place, but the heart of the meaning remains the same: you are loved.

Well, I was reading in The Infinite Atonement today, and it talked about the Atonement as a means of restoring us to God's presence. One of the main purposes of the Atonement is to make us "at one" with God, both in literal location (living with Him) and in actually being like Him. The book says, "It should be clear what kind of oneness is meant by the Atonement -- it is being received in a close embrace of the prodigal son, expressing not only forgiveness but oneness of heart and mind that amounts to identity." Elder Callister goes on to cite many of the countless scriptural references to being "encircled in the arms of his redeeming love" found in the scriptures. Many such passages are closely tied to discussions of the Atonement and returning to live with our Father in Heaven.

Essentially, an embrace serves as a tangible symbol of the kind of union we can experience with our Heavenly Father if we use the Atonement to return to Him.

Isn't that cool? Is it any wonder that hugs hold so much meaning for so many people? Yes, there are those who may not like hugs, but they still understand the connotation of such a gesture and will often still accept one offered sincerely.

Forgive me a personal rumination, but I like to believe that our propensity to use hugs to express love, support, devotion, and sometimes even commiseration, is a reflection of a divine heritage in us. An outward expression, if you will, of a truth that each of our spirits is intimately connected to. Because we all knew the significance of the Atonement before we came to earth. And though we all had the veil drawn over our minds at birth, we each have the light of Christ and therefore a connection to that divinity and that spiritual knowledge.

And so we give hugs. Because somewhere, buried deep in our spiritual subconscious, we understand that this special gesture is a mortal approximation of a far more powerful gesture of love demonstrated by our Savior's atonement for our sins so that we could be reunited with our Father.

Those are my personal thoughts on the matter. I don't pretend to present them as doctrine. But I love the imagery, and the optimist inside me wants to believe that every member of humanity has some connection to the divine, no matter how small it is, even if it only manifests itself in the impulse to hug.

Sneak Attack

So once upon a time, I warned Aubry that I might sneak-attack hug her on her way down the hall. And like Hobbes, my trajectory was such that I couldn't have stopped even if I'd wanted to. I cannot guarantee that she didn't feel this way about me when I actually did sneak attack her.

Grapeful Grapes

So our apartment has this thing every night where we pray together and then go around the circle and say at least one thing we're grateful for. A lot of you who read this blog have probably joined us at least once. So once upon a time, there was a bowl of grapes that were delicious, and the girls of Apartment 21 sat in a circle eating them as they listed the things they were grateful for. Michelle tongue-tied the word when it was her turn and said that she was "grapeful" for grapes. And that is the longer-than-I-intended story behind the title of this post.

In no particular order, I'm grateful for:

• Cute new boots from Stephanie
• Books that I actually have a lot to say about when I'm in class
• Being a gospel doctrine teacher
• PizzaPieCafe
• Adorable engagement pictures of two of my favorite people in the world
• Working with people who are a ton of fun
• That my bike was not frozen to the bike rack this morning (a first in about three weeks)
• The most ridiculous, sexist Youtube video ever: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS37SNYjg8w
• A new episode of Chuck aired last night -- I can get my weekly dose of Zachary Levi again
• Magic Erasers, because they save my butt in cleaning checks every single time
• Proposing a successful solution to our split vote on the theme of our photo contest in my magazine class -- just use one as a theme for the anecdote submissions. :)
• Jessika's absolutely delicious cookies
• Zivko, because his comment in Relief Society last week has come back to haunt me this week; but at least it makes me smile
• Chocolate, because I'm pretty much always grateful for that

And yes, I did update this after I originally posted it. Sorry for any who miss the additions because of that. I had to run to work before finishing, so I figured I'd just add on to it later. :)

Passion Play

I've been devoting a lot of thought recently to the kinds of things I get nerdy/excited about, and it's been intriguing to see what other people choose to extrapolate from that. In brief summary, I live life enthusiastically. When I love something (or someone, for that matter) I go all in, both feet wet, water above my head, take your pick of water-related commitment metaphors.

And there are a lot of things I love, or at the very least, there are lot of things that I appreciate and know a lot about.

I've just discovered that those are sometimes misleading for some people.

Because there is a difference between things that I like and things that I feel truly passionate about. When I meet people, I want them to accept what I'm passionate about, not what I like. Passion, for me at least, represents something I'm willing to devote lifelong commitment to. Things like the gospel, family, and editing. Each of those is so ingrained in my identity that you probably shouldn't try to think about me without at least one, if not all, of those things connected to me.

My likes are often things I have a passing attachment to. Sometimes they're rooted in childhood (my affection for Tron, Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, and King's Quest), or attached to fond memories (my current attachment to Jeeps, my historical fondness for Legend of Zelda games, or my interest in planes and flight patterns). But the point of them is that they're not permanent, nor do they define who I am.

I can tell you an alarming amount of information about Tolkien's linguistics, text-based computer games, or balancing a sound system for entertainment purposes. If you talk to me about car engines or hardware-software relationships, I can contribute intelligently to the conversation.

But those aren't me.

I bring this whole subject up because I'm realizing that I let those likes shine too strong sometimes because I know that other people might like to hear about them, or it might forge a connection. And it comes back to bite me sometimes. Because sometimes that person I was trying to connect to falls in love with the wrong version of me. He likes a part of me that is only the tiniest facet of what makes me who I am.

And then I feel trapped by what I'm not.

Yes, this is about relationship drama. What else? I guess the moral of the story is that it's important to worry more about being yourself than about making a connection to someone. And that the idea of "self" (to border on philosophic) is far more complex than a series of likes and dislikes.

Do I get where I'm going with this? Not really. Consider it a stream-of-consciousness exercise. I suppose, for my own benefit, this is me drawing the line between passions and interests. You can ask me what I like, and I can answer with a fairly lengthy list, but you'll never get to the heart of it if you don't look for what I'm passionate about. Because I think that it's only when you find what motivates people that you get a taste of who they really are.

Something to chew on, if you care to dwell on it. If not, I'll graze on the food-for-thought on my own. :)

Texas, Y'all

Saw this on a car, heard my mom mention it, and found it to share with y'all.

 

It's relevant because I keep finding myself perking up instantly whenever I hear people talk about Texas. It's true. I've been converted, heart and soul. I love it there. I've never fallen in love with a place so fast, or really at all. I've always liked the places I've lived, but to get so immediately attached to a place? It's totally new. 

But here's the thing I love about Texas, and this bumper sticker says it all: they don't have the elitist pride that I didn't like about Southern California. It's more of a "hey! you moved here! Welcome! Please fall in love with this place, because we love it and we think you're great too!" They have that gentle, non-obnoxious arrogance that comes from really truly loving their home enough to want to share it with everyone else. 

So yeah. I'm in love. And the reason I brought it up? Some cute guy in the ward is from Texas (complete with a nice big Texas belt buckle) and I found myself going "ooh! awesome!" It made me laugh. But I also understand at last how my friends who have served missions in Texas can love it so much. It's a pretty great place, and I can't wait to go back. :)

Life Is Not a Romance Novel

So I'm reading this book for my novel class called The Female Quixote (which the British, naturally, have abominated to be pronounced "quix-ot" instead of the properly Spanish pronunciation "kee-ho-te" -- and yeah, just ignore the non-phonemically-correct pronunciation guides. I made them up). Basically, the story is about a woman, named Arabella, who is convinced that the world functions just like it does in the romance novels she's so fond of reading. Growing up in a small country manor hasn't helped her to become more acquainted with reality, either.

I find the story both amusing and frustrating. Amusing because Arabella, smart and clever as she is, is hopelessly naive about the way the real world works. Frustrating because I recognize too many patterns of thought like this one in girls around me (and I am occasionally guilty of them myself). Arabella is extremely rigid in matters of "decorum" and that men act just as they do in the romance novels. Some of these expectations:

The man never actually talks to the object of his desire about love until he has displayed, often for years at a time, complete submission to her will, and devotion to her cause.

If he shows no sign of "dying" for her love (sickness, sallowness, fatigue, etc) he is not worthy of her

He must go out and perform at least one, if not several tasks of tremendous accomplishment

And the list goes on and on. The one man in the book who truly loves Arabella is a slave to her unrealistic expectations, and yet I bless him on every page because he never wholly succumbs to behaving the way she wants him to. Instead, he improvises a little bit at a time to stay in her good graces while trying to cure her of her obsession with romantic notions. I haven't finished, so I'm not positive about how it turns out, but I hope he triumphs.

Anyway, some recent events have reminded me that women with high and often unreasonable expectations are not confined to satirical novels. They are real; otherwise the stories about them would never have been written in the first place.

A word of advice to those women: lighten up. No man will recite poetry, always say or do the right thing, or smell fantastic 100% of the time. He won't always know the answers. He might forget your birthday, your big interview, or even your anniversary. He will probably leave a mess somewhere, say something stupid, or thoughtless, or perhaps even cruel. In fact, I can pretty much guarantee that any real man will do all of those things at least once in your life with him.

But flip the tables around for a second. How often have we as women done those things to the men in our lives? I've definitely said stupid things that I've had to apologize for. I've forgotten or overlooked something important to a man I cared about. And I definitely am not always in my best condition, emotionally or physically (airplane hair, anyone?).

And let's not even start on girls' own unique problems: hormones, headaches, reactions to stress, overtalking, undertalking, mind-changing, expecting guys to understand us when they tell us over and over that they don't, and so on.

We're just different than them, and we have to recognize that.

Sure, we want our men today to take charge and ask us out. To seize the moment and really court us. But I have a little secret for you: we terrify them sometimes most of the time. If we just stand back and glare at them, waiting for them to make the first move, only the gutsiest man will probably move, and you may or may not want him. They really try so hard. A lot of long, close conversations with guyfriends, boyfriends, brothers, and cousins have made it abundantly clear to me how nervous they get around us. Think about how we feel when the pressure is on us to arrange dates. We hate it. We get all queasy and nervous, right? They do it all. the. time.

So girls, cut your men a little slack every now and then. They do a great job, on the whole. And just remember: don't expect anything from them that you aren't willing to do for them in return. Don't expect flowers if you aren't willing to splurge a little on that movie or game he's been wanting. Don't expect him to remember your birthday if you overlook Father's day. Don't expect him to always tell you everything he's thinking when you withhold your thoughts from him when you're mad at him.

Relationships are about equality. I know most of us aren't married, but it starts now. If we expect them to sweep us off our feet, it'll go a long way if we try to sweep them off theirs, too. So go all out on that dinner for him. Watch his favorite guy movie. Learn to play that video game he grew up on. He works hard. Let's show them a little love, too. :)

Nerding Out

I think we've already established that I love my British Lit to 1500 class. And today, it was even better than usual, thanks to our discussion on ancient forms of writing in Britain. 

First, there's this old lithic (yes, both meanings of the word, for those of you in the know) form of writing called Ogham, which is basically a series of lines carved along a ridge. It's more of a code than an alphabet, and looks a bit like this:

 Now, since it's just lines, it's not always easy to tell where one "letter" stops and the next one begins. Nor is entirely simple to determine if they're slanted lines or straight lines. All of this is compounded by the fact that the vertical line running down each letter was usually just the ridge of a rock. And since not all ridges are precisely vertical, you may begin to see how utterly ridiculous this language is for us to decipher. Oh, and on top of that, it's really more of a code than an alphabet, so not all the letters are strictly letters; sometimes they're a cross between hieroglyphs and letters. Add that to the weathering that a given stone will endure over, say, a thousand years, and you get this:

It is one of the oldest forms of writing found on the British Isles, even predating the better-known Futhorc runes:

These are most likely familiar to you: Tolkien borrowed quite liberally from them to create the languages of Middle Earth. This was also a topic we discussed in class, since Dr. Petersen pointed out the Futhorc-Elvish similarities, but didn't remember which script they were for. Thus ensued the following discussion:

"Tolkien used these runes for his Elvish languages"

"Actually, he used a more curly, softer alphabet for the Quenya Elves. The runes that look like the Futhorc were used by the..."

"Sindarin"

"Yes! Sindarin Elves."

"And there's a separate variety that the Dwarves use that looks kind of like the Futhorc too."

"OH MY GOSH! I can't believe we're having this conversation right now! This is awesome!"

I didn't contribute to the discussion myself, since my knowledge of Middle-Earth linguistics is a little rusty, but I did follow the entire conversation from start to finish without getting lost. And I did remember enough to know that Quenya wasn't a race: it was the language. The Noldor, or High-Elves, were the race who spoke Quenya. (*ahem* nerding finished now)

In short, we lost all semblance of order for several minutes as we all paused to gape at the utterly high nerd level in the room at that moment. What flabbergasted me was the fact that ALL of us in that room were part of this. I never thought I'd find such a high concentration of Tolkien nerds in one place (well, outside of those weird fanatical conventions, which, I might point out, I have never been to). Oh, the joys of being a literature and linguistic nerd, especially in a class with other literature and linguistic nerds.

Feeling Loved

This week has been a good one for me, and I'm immensely grateful to everyone who was part of it, because I feel tremendously loved.

First of all, Kunkee took me to see Tron Legacy on a date that we mutually agree was one of the best we've been on for a long time, predominantly because there was no pressure, no expectations, and the nerd factor was alarmingly high. It felt great to be so completely comfortable being that geeky. He is definitely a true and trusted friend.

The prospect of giving my talk today had me all sorts of nervous this weekend, but my friends, in true, annoying-friend form, all filed in and sat on the VERY. FRONT. ROW so as to be as close as possible to me, with the mixed intentions of cheering me on and making faces at me to make me lose my composure. For what it's worth, I appreciated the gesture. It shows that they love me in their own, totally unique way.

My dad left a voicemail on my phone that included, among other things, "I miss you" "I love you" and his calling me Dots, which is a nickname that never ceases to inspire warm-fuzzy feelings whenever he calls me that. I can tell you the story behind it sometime, but the gist of it is that it's a name that he reserves only for me, and only when he means he loves me the most.

I get awesome hugs from so many friends. Chris's hug nearly compressed my shoulders together today at church, and I kind of loved it.

Stephanie and I snuggle on the couch so often, just talking. It's not a super obvious show of love, but the close companionship is always perfect. She even forgives me freely for some of my stupider blunders. And trust me, I've made a few.

And of course, the huge outpouring of love and mercy I feel so often from my Heavenly Father. It never ceases to amaze me. :)

Recent Discoveries

Discoveries by me, that is. Not world discoveries. Those are, sadly, too often not pertinent in my life. Although there was that one cool Old English trove they found last year that might actually affect our understanding of Old English someday. And yeah, that would probably only be pertinent to someone like me.

Anyway. Back on topic.

-For some bizarre reason, Sprite tastes better from a Christmas-ornament-shaped bottle than from a regular one

-Savannah's laugh attacks are hilarious. So are my boss's.

-I'm prone to squeaking when poked, even when I'm expecting it. .... which is probably information I shouldn't have given you...

-Preparing for a talk in church is infinitely more nerve-wracking than preparing for a lesson

-Annette looks amazing in an awful lot of different wedding dresses, but (and this is her discovery too, naturally) we did indeed find the right dress! :)

-I seem to have started a hairstyle-changing trend in my apartment. First I cut and dye my hair, and then Savannah and Stephanie do, too

-I can still read for hours on end and not even notice the passing of the time. I've missed being able to get lost in books like that

-One of the books I'm reading for my novel class is downright hilarious. I'm actually really enjoying my homework enough to get ahead on it, for once

-I shop really, really fast. You name it: grocery shopping, clothes shopping, dress shopping, even book shopping. I am crazy efficient. Which often leaves me sitting and people watching while I wait for my friends to finish their shopping

-People are fun to watch

-I have a complete inability to remember the name of Sutton Hoo, which is a combination of two Anglo-Saxon burial grounds that contained fantastic archeological evidence and insight into the Old English time period. I had to go dig up one of my old textbooks to remember the name. I only discovered this because I was trying to write about it at the beginning of this post and it was bothering me

Sorry to disappoint with the lack of groundbreaking discoveries. I'm not Copernicus. Or Leonardo da Vinci, though I do indeed know how to open a door, just like he did. ;) (points for correct reference identification)

Happy Saturday, ya'll. Mine's been great. Hope yours was too.

So Basically...

The following insights are taken from a discussion in my English Novel class.

In discussing the interrelatedness of print and the digital world: print comes into being through the output of algorithms in a machine's programming that can be broken down into layers. The first is the actual program itself, running smoothly to produce letters on a page that we can see. That program is cloaked in and made up of assembler languages that are in turn made up of electronic pulses (i.e. binary) at their simplest level. (Disclaimer: this is all explained to me by my ENGLISH professor. So I apologize if this dramatic simplification makes any of my more programming-savvy readers cringe a little)

He also drew a connection between those electronic pulses that make up the basis of artificial intelligence and the human brain. Because, once you dig down past all the emotional filters, hormone processing, and cellular specialization, the brain and nervous system essentially run on synapses, or electronic pulses, which turn on and off in patterns that our brain, through its many layers, translates into data input that we can derive meaning from.

So humans and computers aren't so different after all. And obviously, computers are doing a lot of things that we simply don't understand before they get their information to us. All those little programs, running frantically around gathering up the data they need before sending it to the surface to appear as words or images that we understand.

In the meantime, we users are sitting patiently at our computer screens as these programs do who-knows-what in their quest to obtain the information we seek.

Now, we all know I'm a bit of a nerd, so this shouldn't surprise you, but all this talk of personified programs and user-program input-output just distracted me from the point of the lesson (which I still don't really remember) with one simple conclusion:

Basically, we're in Tron.

Cool! Can I have my light bike now?

Awesome? Definitely.

Well. I'm excited.

I think I'm going to love school this semester, which is such a refreshing change from my entire attitude last semester.

Why?

It all stems from the simple fact that I am a nerd. A giant, obsessive, all-things-editing-and-British-literature-related nerd.

My capstone editing class is looking to be an absolute beast, and at the risk of sounding slightly masochistic, I couldn't be more excited about that. I'll be up to my eyeballs in designing, editing, and putting a magazine together with my classmates, and the whole atmosphere of the class feels much more like a real publishing firm (well, the way I'd imagine they would feel) than a classroom. I'm about to get into the dirty work of being an editor, with all the lovely, splendid mess of rushing deadlines and staring at words and layouts until my eyes cross.

Then! there's my British lit class with an awesome professor. British Lit to 1500. Which only happens to be my favorite literary period of all time. Or historical period in general, for that matter. So pretty much nerd heaven.

And of course my InDesign class, which, considering I wanted InDesign for Christmas (pretty much more than anything else, though I knew it was way out of my entire family's price range) gains an automatic "Lynnae will love this!" stamp of approval.

And I love work.

Thought I'd throw that in there. My boss is awesome. My coworkers are awesome. Greg, who isn't my boss but isn't my coworker because he's full time and therefore more important and powerful than me, is also awesome.

And yes, apparently "awesome" is my word of the day. And why shouldn't it be? My life is going to be hectic, crazy, possibly quite messy, but, to quote a movie line that I've always rather liked: Life is the messy bits. If it's not messy, chaotic, and crazy, it's not a life worth living. Because I've always found exhilaration in conquering the things that seem like they want to conquer you.

So yes, I'm a bit excited about this year.

I prayed for a January miracle, not sure what I was going to get, but this, this enthusiasm for everything, is the perfect miracle. I'd half wanted someone great to come into my life, or for things to fall into place somehow to make my life easier, but that's only solving half the problem. Far better to be able to take things as they come, good or bad, and love every minute of it. That is my January miracle. Whether I re-found myself with my family, or whether I just needed the clean slate of a new year, I found my passion and excitement again, and that is an answer to a lot of prayers.

I love that the Lord answers our prayers in unexpected ways, often by helping us change ourselves, rather than just changing our circumstances. It truly is...

Awesome.

2010 in Abbreviated Review

I'm mimicking Rae's post because I thought it was clever. Just so you know. :)

ZERO G.E. classes left to complete (!)

ONE sibling who received a mission call -- Puebla, Mexico, if you didn't remember

TWO new best friends, without whom I'd never have survived the last half of the year. Kristopher and Stephanie, I owe you the world.

THREE areas that I know without a doubt I made the right decision in: the breakup, the mission, and the job.

FOUR classes I passed last semester despite a lot of issues with motivation. That's all of them, by the way. :)

FIVE coworkers who made every day a lot more bearable whenever I thought life was falling apart. Laurel, Roger, Becca, Jessika, and Greg (with the very recent addition of Scott) are responsible for the successful retention of my sanity, and the consistent recognition and validation that kept me from hating myself, no matter how much I might have wanted to at times.

SIX months ago, I managed to heal a friendship that had been shattered, and that friend has become (again) one of my best study buddies and confidantes. Life would be a lot less enjoyable without him.

SEVEN members of our family who are temple-worthy and were able to do a baptism session together over the break. This is the first time ever (Hyrum just turned 12 in October) and probably the last time in a while that all seven of us can be in the same temple at the same time (with Brian leaving on his mission, me graduating and going who-knows-where, etc)

EIGHT months until I graduate and go through the temple, thus fulfilling two of the three major goals I've had since childhood. The other one being marriage, of course. But that one is in God's very capable hands, so I'm not worried about it.

NINE fiction books that I discovered and have added to my collection because I loved them so much. I wish that number were higher, but I've been too busy to do a lot of pleasure reading in the last three or four years, and I've found even fewer books that I love enough to buy.

TEN - the number of student employees selected to interview with the HRS auditors during their major review. This honor, and the deep-tissue edit of the 40-page Unit Review documentation, constitute one of my biggest accomplishments in 2010, most especially since it gave me access to some impressive references and it's a major mark on my resume when it comes to job-hunting this next year.

ONE YEAR AGO - For what it's worth, this time last year, I met Tevan, who changed my life. I can't review 2010 without including him, because he was part of it for 7 fantastic months. I wouldn't be the person I am without him, and he definitely was an answer to prayers (not just my own). He is engaged now, and getting married in three months, and I honestly couldn't be happier for him (and his fiancee -- she's getting a wonderful man). Life is full of people who touch our lives for a brief, blazing moment and too often fade away into the dusty pages of our pasts, but those blazing moments often help define who we are and who we become. Tevan did that for me. Like so many others, he has slipped into my past, but he left his mark, and I am grateful. He will go on to make the most important marks with his wife and family, and I wish all of them all the happiness in the world.

As for me, I have my work cut out for me, and this year is chock full of hope, promise, and change. I'm still working on nailing down all my resolutions for 2011, and I'll let you know when I do. Let's just say, I plan to accomplish a lot, and I hope to look back on this year with as much gratitude and satisfaction as I can on 2010.

Ramblings of the New Year

So it's a new year and, just to be rebellious, I did not write a New Year's Day post. Though truthfully, I did in fact think about it. However, after successfully batting my eyes at my dad and using the "Daddy, I'm leaving today and you won't see me for awhile" card to get him to take us to Tangled and order out for pizza, I pretty much went straight to the airport on New Year's day and flew home. So I was a bit busy that day. And can I just say that I like that particular daughter card? It works almost every time. ;)

Life has been pretty good. I'm actually surprisingly excited about starting school again (can't wait for my editing classes to start). It also helps that I had a date today to go snowshoeing. A second date. Which, my roommates were quick to point out, was the same circumstance at the beginning of a very successful seven-month relationship. Oh roomies. So quick to matchmake me.

You know, a quick side note on the whole romance thing: I've decided not to worry about it. There are nice guys to date, best guyfriends to hang with, and all in all, I've got some things on my plate that are more important in the sense that I actually have full control over them. So I'll worry about those and let the Lord figure out the rest. And that pretty much sums up my dating philosophy.

Though others may consider it a little strange, I'm also looking forward to starting work again. My boss emailed me my new work schedule today so that I wouldn't forget which hours I'd told her I'd work (I love that I get to set my own hours, by the way), and I felt a little swoop of excitement. Granted, the fact that I love what I do, that I'm doing what I love, and that I love who I'm working with, all definitely contribute to my overall enjoyment of work.

And yes, I'm fully aware that this is a rather meandering post. I find that I have more fun with less-structured writing sometimes. Don't worry though, I'm batting around ideas for how to write creatively as well. Because, being me, I get frustrated when I sink into a writing rut, where everything sounds pretty much the same. I like changing things up. So welcome to the new year. 2011 holds all the promise and change that I've been waiting for. :)