Heaven Help Me

I had a date tonight.

It went well.

I fell in love. 

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

With the place, not necessarily the man.

I'm sorry, was that misleading? (muahaha) ;) 

The guy was actually really nice. He was one of my better dates so far. I've had a lot of dates that went fine, but I felt really "meh" about afterward. Like, if the guy was persistent and asked me out again, I'd say yes, mostly because I had no reason to say no (incidentally, none of those "meh" dates have actually asked me out again--I guess they felt the same way). I've had a couple where I decided I'd discourage any continued attempts at dating. And I've had one or two where I really wanted to go on another date. This one fell towards the positive end of the scale. I might actually solicit a second date instead of just letting them do all the work (which is a pretty good indication of my interest). 

But that's not the point of this story. The point is that he took me to this little German deli in downtown SLC. 

And do you realize what German delis have???

REAL, AUTHENTIC GERMAN CHOCOLATE! Oh heaven help me, I probably shouldn't know that this place exists, because now I know how to get my hands on the best chocolate (and yes, Mom, I checked--it's not "imported" through Nestle, it's 100% real) whenever I want. I don't have to wait for my sister who is in Germany on her mission to send me some. 

Guys, I'm in trouble. Because it's also walking distance from work.

Oh, and I've actually now had weinerschnitzel, and it's really good. I don't know what it's made of, but it tasted delicious. And this was in my head the whole time:

Sauerkraut (oh my gosh, I am infinitely proud of the fact that I'm spelling these German words correctly without having to ask Google how to do it) is also...not that bad. It was pretty good, actually. My date ordered some and insisted that I try it, so I did. I wouldn't eat a whole plate of  it or anything, but it's a nice side dish/garnish on a savory meal. I get why people do sauerkraut hot dogs and stuff. I might even do that myself someday.

When we were in the German section of Epcot at Disney World when I was 17, I'm pretty sure I either flat-out refused to try sauerkraut, or I hated it on principle. My dad (or Brian, not sure who) tried to convert me and it failed. But in the years since that day, I have discovered that being a picky eater has deprived me of some really good food. I can't believe I lived most of my life without tomatoes or avocados. What a sad, lonely existence I had before. So I've learned to be more adventurous in my food choices, because you never know what might be delicious. (That did backfire once, when we had tacos de lengua (cow tongue) for a work lunch, and my boss asked jokingly, "So who is tasting who?" right in the middle of my bite. I can never do cow tongue again, no matter how good it actually tastes.)

And those are my food-related anecdotes for the day.

The online dating thing is still going well. Nothing too exciting in the "I've met the man of my dreams!" way, but I'm being exposed to new and different foods, experiencing new things, and stepping outside my comfort zone more often. I like it. :) 

And now I know where to find authentic German chocolate. My wallet and my diet are already whimpering in fear.

Well, what else is new?

Oh hey.

It's me again.

I'm going to sincerely try to be better at blogging this year. This could be another of those well-intentioned New Year's resolutions that tapers off by mid-February, but my life has spiced up in some new and interesting ways, so I think I have more to write about, which will hopefully help.

For one thing, I finally signed up for online dating.

I know.

*GASP!* YOU DID WHAT??

That's a slight exaggeration of my parents' reaction. ;)

It's taken me a long time to come around to the idea because, I'll be honest, I was totally one of those people who thought that online dating was for desperate losers who couldn't catch the attention of anyone in real life. Considering the status of my dating life the last four years, that might not be too far off from the truth. :P

Kidding. Totally kidding.

The idea has been growing on me ever since my best friend from college met her husband through online dating. She's definitely not a desperate loser, and she had a really good experience with it. Then it seemed like all of my friends were getting married that way. (The ones who weren't were marrying people they knew from high school and that is not an option for me.) And all of these people getting married were amazing, socially graceful, intelligent people. Huh. Maybe there's something to this online dating thing after all. But I still put it off for over a year. I finally signed up in November.

And guess what?

It's been pretty cool, actually. I like that the whole concept of online dating is that you have a lot of information about the person right up front, and it kind of facilitates a more open conversation about expectations. I like cutting through the mind games and the weird back-and-forth dynamics of trying to show interest without showing interest that we do so much. For example, I've had a couple of first dates where the guy was like, "Well, this was fun. How are you feeling about a second date?" And I was allowed to decline a second date (or encourage one) without him getting all weird about it. The honesty is refreshing. (It has blown up in my face a few times, where someone takes my difference of opinion personally and gets all mad, but those just make good stories later, and it doesn't happen that often, so I don't care.)

So I'm having some fun with that. Plus, I just went from going on one or two dates per year to having one or more a week, and even though it gets a little overwhelming sometimes, I don't mind having that problem. It's nice to be meeting new people and occasionally making new friends out of it.

Out of respect to the guys--because who knows whether any of them may or may not find this blog--I'm actually going to be a little close-lipped about the specifics of my dates. I'm not going to use them as fodder for blogging material (unless I get a story that's just begging for it). It's also better for me to keep my interests and hopes about specific guys a little more private. Trust me, if I find a good one, you'll hear about him eventually. ;)

So yeah. Online dating. It's not that scary. In fact, it's actually been really nice for my self-esteem to discover that there are guys who will pick me out of a sea of faces and pursue me because they think I'm worth getting to know (and the occasional doofus who's like, "Ur hott, want 2 go out?" is kind of nice, too. As shallow as it is, it's just a teensy bit satisfying to know that I'm pretty enough for some of those super shallow guys who don't care about a girl's personality. I would never date one, obviously, and I might be a bad person for enjoying the attention, but there you have it. I'm just a little bit shallow sometimes).

Overall, I'm just happy that I have lots of opportunities to meet good guys. It's very possible that I'll still meet someone at church, or at work, or serving in the temple (how cheesy and adorable would that be?). I haven't given up on that at all. But if by chance my man is living a couple of cities away and wouldn't bump into me on a normal day, well, now he can still find me. That's worth the effort of online dating, in my opinion.

And I guess I'll have to give more updates later. I rambled longer than planned. :)

Memories

So, in the process of weeding out my stuff, I also had three boxes of childhood memorabilia that my parents brought with them when they came up here for Christmas. Which means I am officially moved out of my parents' house entirely. I don't have anything left there.

Three boxes of stuff I can't use is kind of a lot when you're looking at moving into a new place that has limited storage, so I decided to weed out those boxes and try to reduce the number as much as possible. I'm pretty ruthless about this, which might be traumatic for natural pack-rats. Feel free to look away if you must. It gets a little messy.

Basically, I had two rules: If I've used it in the last year, or it's obvious that I could use it with my children, I kept it. If it triggered a strong memory, I kept it. If I didn't pick something up and get thrown back into my childhood by it, I chucked it. And I ended up with only one box when I was done. Like I said. It got a little gory. Many childhood nicknacks have been sacrificed to the D.I. bag (and the unsuitable ones to the garbage bag) here today.

But then I came across these two:

Go figure they're practically staring up at me beseechingly.

And I had a little problem. Because they're probably my most treasured stuffed animals from before I was about six. Simba has a weird little tube in him that makes him purr when you squeeze him, and Hayley the Bunny Rabbit was a gift from my great aunt that I took everywhere with me. And because I was an adorable little girl, Simba and Hayley were usually married and had a slew of children that were puppies, tigers, bears, dragons, and, once, a turkey (???). I've pretty much tossed most of my other stuffed animals, but these two have survived 10 or more purges over the years.

They're bedraggled, well-loved by a child who loved cuddling with them, and I have very, very strong memories associated with them.

But I didn't have room.

Everything fit in one box (including some less well-loved stuffed animals that my kids will probably love) except them. From my own experience as a kid, I didn't really like playing with my mom's well-loved stuffed animals from her childhood, so I can pretty much guarantee that my kids won't want them, especially when newer, softer ones are available (and I have a few of those).

So what do I do?

Making them into a scrapbook-style memory seemed the most fitting tribute, so here I am.

Of course, now that I've written this post, a part of me wants to go home, pull them out of the D.I. bag, and find a way to make them fit into my one box of childhood.

Oh, nostalgia. You're a hard one to beat.

Fun with Fish

One more post in January! Who knows? If I'm feeling a little nutty, I might even post tomorrow, too.

Truth be told, I'm halfway through my Double-breaded Lemon Flounder recipe and then discovered that we're out of eggs, so I'm chilling with my fish while Roommate runs to the store to get more. So I'm blogging instead of just wasting time mindlessly on the internet while she's gone.

It's okay. You can be proud of me.

Also, I made a smoothie this morning. It was delicious.

I'm not turning into a health nut. Or even a domestic goddess who posts perfect recipes on her blog all the time. I'm a big fan of eating food that tastes delicious, and I do love to cook (it's just the dishes afterward and the delayed gratification of having to cook while my stomach is clamoring for food that gets in the way of culinary bliss for both me and Roommate). But if I ever start cooking and sharing with everybody (unlikely), I'll be doing it on a separate blog.

But honestly? My mother is a fantastic cook, and lots of people knew about her skill back before blogs were a thing. I like sharing my cooking with people who can sit at my table and taste it. Also, apparently I have expensive, complicated tastes in food. When I look up recipes, I always manage to pick the ones that have a million ingredients and take forever to prepare.

Pfft. Forget that.

I want easy food. I'm planning on cooking for a husband and kids someday, and I've gotten old enough to watch my mother burn out on cooking perfect meals every night (Baby Brothers get more pizza than I ever did, the lucky ducks), so I like the idea of easy, quick, low-stress cooking.

Do you guys mind me rambling mindlessly about food? I always feel like I have to write perfect, wonderously interesting blog posts. Instead, y'all usually get slightly rambling, meandering posts. In fact, this one literally has no point. Well, except that I'm passing time until Roommate gets back so that I can finish cooking.

Welcome to a peek into my normal day. I don't usually give a lot of glimpses of that. :)

Guess What I've Been Doing?

Hello, friends!

So I haven't waited two months before blogging again. Go me.

I've managed to keep myself at least moderately busy, so the cabin fever isn't raging. (It helps that job-hunting requires a lot of work.)

What have I been up to? I figured I'd give you a brief summary, but I'm going to make this just a little interesting, because I'm not going to spell each thing out, which means you might have to guess a little. Plus, blow-by-blow accounts on goings on usually bores me when I write about them, so this gives me greater amusement.

1. Over the course of two days, I outsmarted a killer robot bent on revenge for me destroying her over Christmas break. With a gun that doesn't shoot ordnance. Which prompted Roommate to do this:

2. I dodged a dead end, though rationally (and financially), I probably should have gone down it. I don't regret it, though.

3. I sat on the edge of my seat through space battles and the destruction of an alien race while eating Red Vines to help me maintain composure.

4. I kidnapped my brother's vehicle so that I could dress up all fancy and talk to people about how awesome I am. (Bonus: they thought so, too, but please refer to item # 2.)

5. I rode the train to Bountiful, but had to be chased by my little brother in his car so that I could get into my apartment when I got there.

6. I dug through my family history and have produced very important cards that will be printed out pink, blue, and yellow, which I plan to take care of as soon as possible.

7. I can no longer technically put 0 for the same thing as I did last year.

8. Roommate and I have created a few new things that our children will probably consider tasty traditions someday.

9. I have been considering the possible ramifications of a slightly inept fairy godmother showing up in my room to grant me three wishes and have concluded that I probably wouldn't actually wish for anything. I learn through other people's mistakes. :)

10. Lastly, I saw this:

And this:

And this:

I've had an enjoyable couple of weeks. :)

(Stories on relevant items to follow later.)

Christmas Trees and Blonde Moments

Hi guys! I'm back again! Remember all that free time I said I had? Yep. Still have it. Cleaning my apartment and sending out resumes only takes up so much time when Roommate is gone. Also, I'm sort of  procrastinating taking my Christmas tree down.

Yes, it's the 9th of January. Judge me.

It's just so pretty. Did I ever show you a picture? No? Well here you go:

'Spretty, no?

Roommate picked out the colors this year, and I'm a big fan of them. Which is why I'm procrastinating taking it down. One month is not long enough to savor a lovely Christmas tree. But don't worry, I will take it down. This week. I think. Maybe.

In other news, the job hunt is going well. At least, my resumes are procuring interviews, so that's awesome. I'm just making sure I'm staying occupied during my downtime. It is nice to have the freedom to get a lot of things done without having to schedule them in minute-by-minute into an already-full day.

Oh my gosh this post is boring.

Let's see... how to spice things up...

Shall I tell you my recent blonde moment? Yes, I think I shall.

So once upon a time, my father bought a Blu-Ray player. Ever since then, he has been praising its superiority up and down. I'm a bit of a movie purist myself, so I can see his point. I finally put "blu-ray player" on my own Christmas wishlist (and Dad, being beyond awesome, actually got one for me, even though it was the priciest thing on my list—Dad, you're the best). I'd gotten smart and started buying blu-ray/DVD combos of new movies since the price difference was like, fifty cents.

Then I got a blu-ray player for Christmas. And had a panic attack.

WHAT ABOUT MY REGION 2 DVDS??? (Because I'm impatient and couldn't wait for BBC to release Merlin seasons 4 and 5 in the States) I SPECIFICALLY HAVE A REGION-FREE DVD PLAYER FOR THEM! OH NOES! I'm going to have to replace them with American DVDs or Blu-rays. THAT'S GOING TO COST SO MUCH!

Seriously.

It was stressing me out so bad. Yes, I'm aware that it's hilarious that I reached a stress breaking-point over movies. The things that rile us up, honestly.

Anyway, the brick dropped on my head right about then.

Duh, Lynnae. You can have more than one device plugged in. It's not like you have to throw away the other one just because you got a shiny new blu-ray player. You're a moron.

So the silly girl plugged both devices in, and now she can watch her region 2 DVDs, her blu-rays, and her boring normal DVDs whenever she wants. Ta-da!

That's my story.

And hopefully that's the diztiest thing I'll do this month.

No promises though.

Thanksvember: NaNoWriMo

So... don't get too excited, because I'm still not writing a novel in a month, but my aforementioned short story? Well, it's not really a short story anymore. I mean it is, because all I've written is a short story, but it's not done because there's more to the story. Know what I mean?

But it is fun. I haven't written for fun like this in a really long time. So it's fun. Let's see how many times I can say the word fun. Fun is a really weird word, when you think about it. Also, it's always been intended to be a noun, which is why everyone has such a hard time with its adjectival and adverbial  usage. Have you ever tried to say "that was funner than what we did last time" and just cringed? But "more fun" just sounds stiff? And forget trying to say "He did something funly." Yeah. Not going to happen. *whispers* That's because it's a noun. You have fun.

Granted, modern English usage has accepted "fun" as an adjective too, and the preferred method is to say "more fun" or "most fun" when qualifying the amount of funness something has. Isn't English grea--HOW DID THIS TURN INTO A USAGE LESSON?? I WAS WRITING ABOUT HOW I'M GRATEFUL FOR WRITING!

Geez, Lynnae. Get your nerdy little butt back on track.

Did I mention I've been writing for like, two whoa, FOUR hours straight, plus proofreading for 8 hours prior to that, so I might be a little loopy? No?

Well.

Now you know.

Welcome back to Lynnae the Writer. She's a bit of a nut. Editor-Lynnae tends to be more polished. Writer-Lynnae usually takes Editor-Lynnae and jams her in the corner, stuffs her face full of cookies, and bullies her into silence. Incidentally, that's also what we do to Editor-Lynnae while online, so I will never judge you for poor grammar online, because Editor-Lynnae is tied up and gagged to spare her from the pain of it all.

Yes, I'm switching in and out of plural first person. It's a weird world in here.

*AHEM*

Back on topic.

This November, I am thankful that my amazing writer-roommate (who, between you and me, is going to be the real author in this dynamic duo because she's just brilliant) is sending off her writer-vibes so strongly that my own urge to write has lifted its sleepy head. I may not be as dedicated a writer as she is, but I appreciate the creative outlet.

In the meantime, in case Roommate ever reads this: AISLEY. YOU GOT THIS. Own that book. I've been betting on you from day one.

Also, for your enjoyment, a slight peek at what an apartment of two writers looks like on a Thursday night (and if that doesn't sound dramatic enough, don't worry, we'll definitely be holed up like this on Friday night, too... who needs boys? (I'm just kidding. I do. I love boys.)): <-- That is not meant to be a frowny face. It is a colon, meant to present to you the following. Oh, who cares. PICTURE.

Me on my fluffy beanbag typing away. Roommate wrapped in snuggie
and cozy hoodie, also typing away. It's a wild night in this house.

Tweet Tweet

So it finally happened.

I broke down.

Should have seen it coming.

I could only last so long.

Especially given my career in electronic publishing.

Yes.

It's true.

I got a Twitter account.

(Sorry for the melodrama)

I have two, actually. I signed up for my own account months ago, just because I figured I probably should know what this Twitter thing is if I want to stay up to speed with web publishing. Twitter is basically the king of quick, concise advertising and copywriting (or it should be... stupid people ruin that aim, as is the case with pretty much every version of social media). I never posted anything though.

But I figured I'll try it out and see. My personal account is protected, so you'll have to request to follow me, but you can if you want to.

The real reason I'm even sort of active on Twitter at all (as of last night) is that Roommate and I ran out of room on our fridge for the wacky things our friends say. So what do you do when you don't have fridge space?

If you were going to say put it on a wall or a door, that is so 2007, dahling.

You put it online. Duh.

It's actually kind of fun. Since Twitter is only meant for the written equivalent of "sound bytes" anyway, using it as a stream of quotes and blurbs from friends seems like an obviously well-suited thing to do. And it's public. Stalk, share, follow, and smirk to your heart's content. We did it for you.

As for my personal Twitter feed... I have no idea what I'm doing with that yet. It's an experiment.

Respect Him

Disclaimer: I spent weeks on this post, and I'm still not sure I've got it where I want it, but it's about time I posted it. Consider it a small ramble that may or may not make sense.

Little Brother spent Labor Day weekend with me, and it was wonderful. I seriously missed him. I missed his smiles, his good-natured and witty ribbing, his absolutely brilliant brain, and his fantastic sense of humor. But my favorite thing about my brother? I almost always learn something cool from him.

Something you should know about my little brother: He wants me to get married almost more than I want it. And in his new-RM phase, certainly more than he wants it for himself right now. And his opinion matters more than almost anyone else's when it comes to who I date. He's also a really good judge of character and often picks the same guys for me that I pick for myself. 

So at church on Sunday, he quickly identified one of those guys that I would certainly be willing to date if the opportunity arose, and mentioned that he really liked him. Then he said something that I'll never forget: "He seems like the kind of guy that Dad would really respect."

I loved that. Respect. I mean, yeah, I agree that it's important that my dad likes the guys I date, and it's definitely even better if he respects them, too. I'd just forgotten—or never really stopped to think about—how important the word "respect" is to me.

See, it really isn't enough to like someone. There are plenty of people I like well enough. But not all of them have earned my respect.

Typically, when we respect someone, we care about what they think. We consider their opinions and values to have weight and validity, thus deserving our personal consideration and attention. That sounds egotistical, but most of us are. We don't give our attention to things we don't consider worth our time. With those we respect, we are also much more likely to seek and accept their counsel, because we trust them.

I want to trust my man. I want to value his opinion above my own. But I'll be honest, I can't give that freely. He has to earn it, just as I expect to earn his respect. Love without respect just seems lacking. 

Aaaand She Makes Another Comeback Attempt

Well hello! Welcome back!

Or, well, welcome back to me, since you guys probably checked this more often than I did.

Actually, that's probably not true. I've guiltily glanced at this blog almost every day since I last posted and then closed the tab to pretend that my negligent posting problem didn't exist. But since I usually don't enjoy journaling, and I do enjoy blogging more, I probably should stop living in denial and just suck it up and post. I don't know why I think I don't have time. I managed to blog a lot during college.

Oh right. I did that to procrastinate homework.

Hm. I don't really have anything to procrastinate anymore. Is that my problem?

I'll just procrastinate sorting that out and finish this post. Ha.

So what's new?

I have new jeans. That's probably only relevant to me. Although, if I had a boyfriend, I suppose I could get him to appreciate the cute pattern on the back pockets. Did I just say that out loud? Whoops. But seriously, I haven't bought new jeans in about three years, and my proportions have certainly changed in that time. It's nice to have a pair that fits really well all over instead of being baggy in weird places. Self-esteem=way up. That's why it matters.

I went to Lake Powell with my family. Nope, it doesn't look like it. I'm not tanner or redder or anything. I may have slightly overdone the sunscreening... What can I say? I'd rather be pasty white than Kentucky Fried Chicken.

The best part of my Powell trip?

This.

Yes, that's a sand castle model of Middle Earth. Yes, my brothers and I built the whole thing. Pretty much from memory. Are we nerds?

DANG STRAIGHT.

It took us two days, and it's probably one of the proudest accomplishments of my life. Which is saying something, considering I have a career and a college degree under my belt. And considering my brothers did most of the sculpting, because I suck at it. I just drew the blueprints. And made a million tiny clay balls for trees in Mirkwood.

I won't overload you with pictures here. The rest will be on Facebook. But here's a couple of my very favorites.

Here's an idea of the scope of the thing. Plus, you get to see my three very awesome and adorable brothers. Lucky you. Conveniently enough, they're in order of age from left to right. They're also showing off the things that they sculpted. Not that you can tell what exactly they're pointing at, but still.

Ben is an artist. This is probably the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Not bad for wet sand, eh?

He's also a dork. But he's my dork, so I love him. Points if you know what he's doing here.

And of course, the journey shot. Isengard to Mordor. With a little glimpse of our perfect cove in the background. 

We had the best spot in all of Lake Powell. Tiny cove, no outlet, plenty of shade, big sandy beach. It was perfection. I suck a water sports, but I'm definitely a sun, sand, water, and beach kind of girl. I love this kind of camping. Being up in a mountain amidst all the trees and clouds is nice too, but this, this I love.

I have a new phone. (Yes, I'm still telling you a list of what's new--I just paused to show you Middle Earth) Since I love using it, I might be more likely to stay in touch with people. That's important. I guess.

In about half an hour, I'm going to get my hair recolored to the dark brown I love so much. You may not care, but I'm also a little proud of the fact that it's the longest I've ever had it and when the dark brown is in it, it kinda looks like chocolate. And that is awesome.

I finally went to the Manti Temple, where my parents were married, for the first time since I received my endowment. It is, hands down, my favorite temple. Plus it was really cool to feel so close to my parents, even though they're still in Texas right now. It was like I'd taken a little journey into their love story. Awww!

Other than that, life is good. I get a legally-required two-week break from work while they change up my contract (still the same job, though), and it's been nice to get a lot of things done around home and in my personal life that I haven't had the time or energy for before this.

I'm going to try, really, really try, to blog more often. I like it. It's fun. Thanks for being patient with me. Love you all!

A Few Trivia Items about Lynnae's Recent Activities

Thank goodness I haven't had another two-month lapse in writing on my blog, but seeing as how I use the fact that I keep this blog to justify not writing in my journal all that often, it might be a good idea if I actually post useful stuff on it. And by useful I mean personal.

So here are some little-known or at least less-well-known items of interest about my current personal life.

1. I'm rereading Harry Potter in my spare time. It's been a couple of years and I figured it was overdue. As a result, I bring it up more in casual conversation.

2. I'm still working for the Church. Sometimes I get bored with answering the "Are you still with the Church, then?" question, but it's understandable that I get asked that, considering how tenuously stable (yes, that is a deliberate oxymoron) my job is. Given that, I'm back to a slightly-less-stable employment status and so might need to start job hunting soon.

3. The prospect of job hunting honestly makes me want to curl up in the fetal position and sob. I seriously hate it.

4. Tied to that, I'm feeling an unexpected pang at the thought of leaving my job. A few months ago, I would have told you that I'd rather be working at McDonalds than stay with proofreading for my whole life. It's been surprising to realize that in the last couple of months, I've become extremely devoted and attached to my job. I genuinely love it, and the thought of leaving it makes me sad in a way that has nothing to do with the desire for employment stability and everything to do with the fact that I truly do like proofreading. Apparently proofreading is an acquired taste. After a year and a half of it, I've acquired the taste.

5. My roommate is graduated from college and relatively free for the summer, which also frees her up to help me with the dishes. This seems like a trivial thing (but wait, you're reading trivia about my personal life so... ha) but it means a lot to me. I like doing the dishes, but I don't love being the only one doing the dishes. Coming home to a rack of drying dishes that I didn't do is an instant mood-booster. (And suddenly I understand my mother's obsession [as my ten-year-old self saw it] with having us do the dishes so much better. Funny, the things that make sense as you age...)

6. Having my roommate free from schoolwork is nice in other ways, too. We're more likely to have people over, or just sit and talk, or go out and do something fun. Basically, I see her marginally more.

7. The relationship side of my life is no longer quite so broken. I'm not a huge flirt (I really did grow out of that phase a few years ago, so I don't think it'll ever come back), but I'm not afraid of boys anymore, either. Someone wants to bring boys to the party? Sure! Invite them over! Maybe I'll even talk to them!

8. I'm in the early planning stages of gearing up for a Lake Powell trip with my family this summer, which will be utterly awesome. I just need to figure out the bedding situation, because the roll-up blue mat I used last time felt like a bed of lumpy gnomes that liked to kick me in the kidneys.

9. I'm saving for a car (again) and hoping that my job stability allows for me to actually use my nest egg on a car instead of providing for me while I'm job hunting or moving, like it's done the last two times. Not that I resent that my savings covered those things, but it would be nice to finally actually get the thing I keep saving my money toward. Especially since I've reached the breaking point on how long I can put up with not having one.

10. All in all, I'm happy and content, and feeling surprisingly comfortable with just taking things as they come. After some long, hard, painful lessons, I've come to accept that I can't get what I want by angsting about it, so I don't.

Random Things Making My Day Better

Aisley subbing in for my alarm this morning and pouncing on me because she'd gotten a text that made her really happy.

Free carrot cake at work. It had delicious, perfect, cream-cheese frosting and almonds on it. Heaven.

My dad texted me for no reason, just to say hi. I love when he does that. I can usually tell when he does, because he calls me by my pet name, which I also love.

My hand sanitizer that's supposed to smell like pomegranates actually smells more like bubble gum. Normally, that's not that appealing, but it makes me a little nostalgic for those Bubble Tape things I used to get when I was a kid. I loved them back then. Yay! Happy memories!

 Harry Potter movie night tonight, complete with brownies and friends.

Indulging the Inner Fangirl

So it's a commonly-known fact that I am a nerd. The biggest collection I have on Pinterest is devoted to geeky stuff. And for those who know me well, it's also common knowledge that Tolkien has held a preeminent place in my nerd-world for over half my life now (in fact, it'll officially reach two-thirds of my life this year (Yes, I calculated that---Editor Lynnae simply had to fact-check herself.))

Well, unbeknownst to me (because I'm inattentive, apparently), part of Tolkien-nerd-Lynnae had been starving because I hadn't read the books since I was about 15. I only discovered this because I was marathoning the movies (my at-least-once-a-year tradition), and my little sister kept asking me "Did that happen like that in the books?" and I suddenly realized to my shame and horror that I honestly couldn't remember.

I honestly hadn't thought about it in years, and had been coasting along on my title of Tolkien Aficionado for years. But how could I claim to be a Tolkien geek if I couldn't remember anything that happened in the books? For shame!

So I've been fixing that. I started rereading the books and I'm glad that I love them as much as I did when I was 8. Honestly, I don't know what my problem was. I stopped trying to reread the books because they felt slow, and my attention span wasn't holding long enough for me to make much progress. Maybe it's because I've been reading reference lists, dictionaries, and indexes for work, but this time around, I'm finding The Lord of the Rings anything but dull.

But watch out! I might be an even bigger nerd now that I'm re-armed with the booklore of Tolkien's world.

Incidentally, I've seen the Hobbit five times already.

Yeah, I loved it that much.

On the Fritz

So my computer is apparently getting more crotchety as it ages and it currently seems to be frenemies with my internet, so we'll see how well this blog-posting thing goes.

I'm not looking forward to spending money on replacing my computer. This one has been so trusty. And when you get a new one, you have to spend all that time getting used to it, and trying not to be tripped up by how the old one felt better and made more sense you, because you knew (or perhaps even caused) all of its little quirks. Plus, all of your lovely custom settings? Poof. Gone. It's like losing your best inanimate friend.

Because I totally have inanimate friends.

First world problems, I suppose. There are a lot of people who can't even afford to own a computer, let alone worry about replacing one.

So that's the main thing on my mind right now. Which is why the first half of this post is about it.

My ability to go to work has been on the fritz over the last month as well. Bouts of sickness picked up first from family over Christmas break, then from my coworkers after Christmas break, then from my roommate who picked up something from her coworkers after Christmas break. It seemed like I was never going to get better.

But I am, now! And I'm reveling in it. My cabin fever (aside from the real fevers) had reached raging proportions, as evidenced by the deep-cleaned bathroom, spotlessly-white sink, and cobweb-free corners-under-the-counters. Apparently the cleanliness of my apartment has an inverse relationship with my physical health, because it's not quite so clean now that I'm feeling better. You'd think it would be the other way around, but there you have it.

Yes, I am aware that I'm rambling inanely. I figure that's better than nothing, though, right?

Thoughts on Motherhood

I've been stewing on this post for awhile. For several months now, I've had more friends in various stages of life than I ever have before. Some are single, some are married without children, some have young kids, some have teenagers, and some are empty nesters. Most of them are women.

I've been bothered a lot recently by a couple of friends in particular who, whenever the topic of children is brought up, always manage to point out that having children is full of trials. Oh, you get blessed, but it doesn't really make up for the long stretches of grief that they give you, they say. Every time they talk about children, I get the feeling that a small (or big) part of them feels regret or resentment towards their children. They made it sound like a life sentence rather than a rewarding challenge.

Now, I'm not a mother, obviously, but I am a child, and I have a mother. I know my siblings and I were occasionally (often) really good at making her lose her temper, and driving her crazy was sometimes a recreational pastime. (Not often: we weren't devil children.) But I never doubted that my mom truly felt that we were the greatest blessing in her life (besides Dad, of course). As I got older, that knowledge actually encouraged me to be a better daughter, because I wanted to always be a blessing in my mom's life.

No matter what I faced, I was always supported by the knowledge that my mother loved me more than anything else in this world, and nothing I could ever do would make her throw up her hands and give up on me.

Honestly, it would shatter me to find out that my mom considered me and my siblings a necessary trial that got in the way of other things. That's not what parenting is about. Its not just doing the world a service by raising kids to be responsible adults who contribute to the world in meaningful ways. I truly think that motherhood is meant to be the source of the greatest joys in the world.

Now, I get that not every woman is cut out to thrive on the difficulties of motherhood. Some women genuinely struggle with it (and I'm sure every woman has a hard time with being a good mother with varying degrees of frequency). But I've learned something over the last few years that I hope I never forget: how you allow yourself to think about a trial directly affects how you actually feel about it. When I start thinking that work is boring and repetitive and unfun, I find it harder and harder to go in and be productive. I'm just coming out of that, actually. Then I got sick of disliking my job and started focusing on the good things about it. It's a process that requires patience and consistency, but I've started to love my work again. I think the same thing applies to anything else, including motherhood. If you think that your children are a trial, that is what they become. If you consider them a blessing and a source of joy, the struggles, tantrums, and bad attitudes begin to pale in comparison to their incredible potential.

You tend to get what you focus on.

Personally, I look forward to having kids. I know how rewarding it is to see my younger siblings grow up well and fulfill their potential. It'll be a thousand times more worth it to help my own children do the same thing.

So a note for the future: don't let me complain about my kids. I never want to resent them or regret having them. Those feelings can do so much damage to children, no matter their age. I've known people who, even in adulthood, would have given everything to know that their parents loved them and didn't regret them.

I want to give my own children a home as filled with unconditional, unfailing love as my own was. Even when they smear poop on the walls, or tie each other up, or break curfew to party with questionable friends. My children will always know that their mother loves them. Even when I  lose my temper, because I'm sure it'll happen.

So yeah. I've been stewing on this for awhile because it's been bothering me. And it's made me eternally grateful for a mother who has never stopped loving me, no matter how much I've struggled.

Me? Who the Heck Is That?

You know how guys often say that it drives them crazy because they don't know what goes on in a girl's mind? Yeah. Try being us. We're trapped in those confusing minds 24/7.

Ever have that nagging feeling that there's something about someone that you should know, but you haven't figured it out yet? I feel that way.

...

about myself.

I mean, I know a lot about myself. Obviously. I'm kind of stuck with me all the time.

But recently, I've had this nagging feeling that I have some kind of untapped potential, some hidden talent that I've never really bothered to develop because it's never come up. In the wake of accomplishing some major life goals, I feel like there's something else that I need to work on. Problem is, I have no idea what it is.

You know what I mean?

Don't worry. I have no idea, either.

Maybe there's this deeply buried domestic goddess who wants to explode outward. Or my long-stifled write-and-publish-a-book dreams. A world traveler? Concert pianist?

I've had some friends tell me that they loved being single because they finally had time to take up piano lessons, or learn to snowboard, or go horseback riding, or take a ballet class. All those unfulfilled ambitions. My problem? I don't really have any unfulfilled ambitions. Maybe I just lack ambition in general, but I never minded not learning the piano, or never taking ballet lessons. I never wanted to be a gymnast, or an astronaut. All the things I really wanted to do, I've either done or decided that I didn't actually want to do them as badly as I thought I did.

Granted, I've never been to Narnia or Hogwarts, but since those aren't real...

Don't mind me rambling. I'm thinking out loud (well, sort of. I'm thinking publicly, at least---for better or worse)

Month of a Million Possibilities

Welcome to August! This is a month full of definitelys, maybes, and hope-sos.

So here's some things that make this month so exciting:

1. I'm going through the temple
2. My friend is getting married and there's a might-maybe-small chance that I can go to her sealing (if there's room)
3. I might get the job I've applied for (I interview for it tomorrow)
4. I'm going home to see my family
5. My best friend and I are going to the Manti temple (my favorite!) when I come back from Texas
6. I get my wisdom teeth out (okay, so that's not really that exciting, but it is exciting that my dentist won't be pestering me about them anymore)
7. Spending more time with some really good friends before school starts again

All in all, I'm pretty happy about life. It's amazing right now.

Lynnae Trivia

So remember those "25 Things You May Not Know about Me" notes that went around on Facebook a few years ago? I guiltily admit that I both wrote one and enjoyed it a lot as I did it. It's actually kind of fun (and indulges the slightly narcissistic side that we all have) to write down what you think are cool facts about yourself. Whether they are actually cool or not is up to interpretation.

I'm going to do a spin on that 25 Things idea. Mostly because I feel the need to update people, but my life is not the most thrilling thing on earth. This is the best I could come up with.

Welcome to my semi-biographical post. (Which, coincidentally, may help me write my biography for the TM Publishing website and figure out what to say in those "share one unusual thing about yourself" sessions that they have so often in singles wards. So yes, this post may be self-indulgent and self-serving. Make fun of me if you want.)

THINGS YOU DEFINITELY KNOW ABOUT ME
(subtitled as things that you should know about me if you consider me a friend)

1. I adore editing. Even the boring parts of editing. I also like grammar, linguistics, and anything else about the English language. I tend to be at my absolute nerdiest when talking about this subject.

2. I talk about the gospel and the Atonement all the time. And I get really excited when secular things teach me something about the Atonement.

3. I'm a bookworm (even if my bookworm-ness is in remission at the moment). I have more books than a single post-college girl should probably be able to afford.

4. I love giving hugs.

5. I grew up moving around a lot.

6. Rambling. It's my specialty. I'm a talker. :)

7. Movies. I love 'em. Too much, maybe, but I do. I have incredibly high movie-marathoning endurance.

8. I love being LDS. It's more than just my religion. It's my life.

THINGS YOU MAY NOT KNOW ABOUT ME

1. Superhero movies are my favorites. Forget chick flicks. I will see a superhero movie over a chick flick any day.

2. I have a blackmail video of Savannah singing the national anthem very poorly (and very late at night) that I've been saving for over 3 years. Just waiting for the opportune moment. Most likely her bachelorette party.

3. I am uncommonly gifted at getting unlost. I may not be the absolute best navigator, but gosh darn it, I can find a creative way to get to our destination if we get off course. This is especially helpful when Google Maps lies about the street names.

4. Talking is my therapy. When I have a difficult choice to make, I usually just need a listening ear. I sort my thoughts out as I'm talking. Most of my personal breakthroughs and insights have come from conversations with my mom, where I find myself suddenly answering my own questions (always aided by prompts from her, of course).

5. I like working out. This is a new development, actually. I hated it while I was growing up, but I've gotten much more consistent about it, and really enjoy it nowadays.

6. I'm a bit of an ice cream snob. I worked at the BYU Creamery for two years and at Cold Stone for a summer without getting sick of either. Unless I'm in a super weird mood, don't ever try to take me out for soft serve. It has to be scoopable. Preferably gourmet. Also, I love gelato.

7. I will probably never complain about your music choices, because I like almost everything, but I will also probably never share my playlists with you, either. Music is personal for me. Any given playlist is usually roughly a soundtrack for my life at the time. With the exception of sharing isolated songs, I'm private about the music I'm currently listening to. As a result, I absolutely loathe those "favorite band/artist" or "favorite song" questions.

8. My side hobby is studying pop culture in a philosophical/psychological context. Much of my current academic reading falls under this category. I fell in love with it when I studied Jungian psychology and how it applied to Inception, The Dark Knight, The Da Vinci Code, and The Lost Symbol in my capstone class at BYU. Been hooked on it ever since.

9. I have a thing for shoes. Especially stilettos. If I could afford it and had the space, I would be happy to fill a room with them.

10. I'm totally a blanket person. Whether I'm cold or not, I love having blankets around. This is why I like to keep my living spaces cool, especially at night.

11. Kisses over hugs. Every time. But only if it's someone I'm in a relationship with. I won't do NCMOs.

12. I'm shockingly tech-savvy and can assemble most electronic systems (the plugging-stuff-in parts, not the build-from-scratch kinds of things, though, given time and adequate instructions, I could probably do that, too) as well as troubleshoot a lot of basic software issues. I can also understand computer engineer and computer programmer (yes, there's a difference between the two) speak most of the time. It's fun.

13. I think it would be awesome to go snowshoeing with my husband (when I have one), build an igloo, and sleep in it for a night. No one understood this seemingly random date idea until I told my mom, and she thought it was cool, too. No pun intended.

THINGS I WISH PEOPLE DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT ME

1. I'm a total lightweight when it comes to NyQuil. Last time I tried it on my sinus infection, it knocked me out cold for about 20 minutes, and then I woke up with a fuzzy brain and a malfunctioning brain-mouth filter. I could hear myself talking (and remember most of it) but I couldn't seem to stop every thought from coming right out.

2. I can stand incredibly cheesy movies/shows/songs/books and have been caught red-handed enjoying them on more than one occasion. Like the movie Thunderbirds. No one should know that I like that movie. (Ironically, all of you now do know it. Keep my secret or else!) I prefer to keep my guilty pleasures private.

3. I scream like a little girl when my dad turns lights off too suddenly. Years of having him jump out at me from dark corners has trained me to really, really hate when the lights go off and he's still in the room.

4. I make really funny noises when I'm surprised, poked, or tickled. Or sometimes for no reason at all. Unfortunately my "friends" use this for their own amusement far too often.

FINAL FUN FACT

Yes, there are actually 25 things on this list. So technically, it is a "25 Things" list. Just... a little more customized than normal.

In other news, life is pretty good. I'm flying home to Texas to visit my family (and celebrate my birthday!) on Friday. I've been looking forward to this since like, February. Just a little bit excited. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Accomplishments

So, life has settled into a humdrum of daily routine. Sleep. Eat. Work. Rinse and repeat. And while I'm earning money and that's great, I haven't been feeling all that productive. So I've made a list of some of my recent accomplishments.

1. I survived a bus ride with a crazy old man who apparently wanted to tear my hair out and break my jaw because I was talking (quietly, I might add) to my friend. ON PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION. I may or may not have been a little scared of him. (Okay, a lot scared of him.) But I managed to get to my stop with all of my hair and my jaw still intact.

2. I finished a book! Considering my post about not being able to read anymore, this is actually a big deal.

3. I moved furniture and upgraded my entertainment system all by myself. I've done this before because I'm surprisingly tech-savvy, but I'm still pleased with myself each time it works.

4. I've massaged out the semi-permanent charlie horses in my calves after overworking them last week. Trust me. It was a major accomplishment that I managed to walk at all during this last week. I didn't know my legs could hurt that bad.

5. My room is clean. It may be pathetic that this is an accomplishment, but sadly, it is.

6. I found an awesome typo in Iron Man. Yes, I'm nerdy enough to consider this an accomplishment.

7. I'm blogging again. I consider this an accomplishment.

Body Language

"Hey, Lynnae, you know that spot on your ribs that you never ever think about? Guess what? It hurts! That means you've been working out!"

"Hey, Lynnae, your butt hurts! You've been working out!"

"Oh hi there. Your calves are burning. You've been working out!"

"Did you know your back muscles could feel tight in that particular direction? No? Well, it's because you've been working out!"

"Ooh! Your skin is tingly! You got some sun!"

"Ha! An itch! You totally should have stayed out of the grass---you know, since you're allergic and all..."

"Oh. That. Yeah, that probably shouldn't ache. Maybe you shouldn't have attempted the splits on the slippery grass last night."

Yeah, thanks, body. I think I've got the message. I stepped up my workout routine and did some crazy stuff at the game night last night. I don't really need the minute-by-minute report.

---

So yeah. I've tamed at least a tiny portion of my hectic life in order to allot some workout and soak-up-the-sun time every day. It's nice. When I sit perfectly still so that my body has nothing new to tell me.

Other than that, I'm living a double life as a secret agent attempting to take down the world's best villain and I never seem to have down time anym-- oh wait. My fantasies are popping out into the real world again. Sorry.

I am living a double life. I'm a pro proofreading-lingo-babbler (yes, it does sound like a foreign language... or maybe just a bizzaro speech impediment) by day, and I moonlight as a copyediting ninja and bestfriend-to-my-ex-roomies on the weekends. Including superfast (not) transportating powers between Provo and Bountiful. Squeeze in shopping for food, cooking food, eating food, working off extra pounds from said food, maintaining social lives in two valleys, holding down a calling, and attempting (hahahahahahaha) to read educational, skill-building books to make me a better editor, and I make Prince Humperdink's to-do list look like Santa's Naughty List if he delivered Christmas presents to Angel Central. That made no sense. (Wow. I have so many red squiggly lines in this entry. I think I may have accidentally on purpose made up like, five new words just in this paragraph. Either that, or Chrome's spellchecker hates descriptive linguistics and arbitrarily closed compounds...)

Bed. Bed sounds like a good idea. (Body update: muscles are really excited about this lying down and snuggling into pillows idea.)

Sorry about the randomness. I must have left my sanity down in Provo this week. You know how it is traveling back and forth all the time. One week you forget the straightener, the next it's your sanity. Something always gets left behind. Remind me never to be a famous singer who tours the world. I don't even want to know what I'd lose along the way. I'll resort back to that have-Batman-take-me-out-for-stealing-his-identity backup plan first.

G'night. Slightly more informative blog posts to come.

Maybe.

I have notes and ideas, at least.

Cheers.


Yep. Still love him. (Same guy as the last music video. Much younger here, though.) Conveniently, the chorus of this song summarizes my life right now. Although I wouldn't mind the addition of a wacky, attractive man trying to make my day even better.

I really am living the good life. Promise. :)