Sinus infection: obliterated.
LinkedIn profile: created.
Job-hunt: pending.
Spur-of-the-moment, last-minute project proposal for the Ensign: dominated.
Captain America DVD: watched (and watched and watched and watched)
Heart-to-heart with Daddy: Twice in 24 hours.
Weekend travel arrangements: planned
Halloween costume: searched for. Nothing found.
Retrieval of my paperback copy of The Hobbit: underway.
Bedroom: cleaned(ish).
Informative blog posts: halfway written (in my head).
26 October 2011
25 October 2011
17 October 2011
Tiny Hammers
I'm glad that I've reached a happy medium with life right now, because my seasonal allergies decided to kick in and holyheck! They are vicious!
I came into work this morning after almost suffering an allergy attack on the bus and, after getting to my floor, I discovered that I needed to run an errand and go down the elevator again. Remember how those elevator cars move super fast and the height of the building makes my ears pop sometimes? Multiply that "pop" by ten and move it to my nose when there's a sinus headache involved.
I'm glad I was alone in the elevator, because it would have been difficult to explain to total strangers why I suddenly grabbed my face and gasped, blinking back the sudden flurry of tears. They probably would have thought that I'd just been pummeled by something invisible. Well, it felt like I was---by a vicious, invisible little fairy living in my sinus cavities and banging around with its tiny hammer. And it was probably laughing maniacally the whole time.
I'm sure it made whoever's on the other end of those security cameras laugh anyway. Good thing I don't have to explain to them. Or see them. Ever.
Going up the elevator isn't so bad. Pressure decreases when you go up. But going down? Yeah. Let's just say that I'm not leaving this floor until I'm walking out at the end of the day. I'm not subjecting myself to the vindictive fairy's tiny hammer more times than I absolutely have to.
Good thing I like life right now. Otherwise it would be a lot harder to laugh at this. :)
I promise, life isn't that bad at the moment, though. I'm not complaining. On the contrary, I'm feeling pretty content again, thanks to an amazing Sunday. I'll see if I can find a way to make the mundane everyday stuff I'm doing at work now sound interesting. Look for it coming to a blog post near you.
I came into work this morning after almost suffering an allergy attack on the bus and, after getting to my floor, I discovered that I needed to run an errand and go down the elevator again. Remember how those elevator cars move super fast and the height of the building makes my ears pop sometimes? Multiply that "pop" by ten and move it to my nose when there's a sinus headache involved.
I'm glad I was alone in the elevator, because it would have been difficult to explain to total strangers why I suddenly grabbed my face and gasped, blinking back the sudden flurry of tears. They probably would have thought that I'd just been pummeled by something invisible. Well, it felt like I was---by a vicious, invisible little fairy living in my sinus cavities and banging around with its tiny hammer. And it was probably laughing maniacally the whole time.
I'm sure it made whoever's on the other end of those security cameras laugh anyway. Good thing I don't have to explain to them. Or see them. Ever.
Going up the elevator isn't so bad. Pressure decreases when you go up. But going down? Yeah. Let's just say that I'm not leaving this floor until I'm walking out at the end of the day. I'm not subjecting myself to the vindictive fairy's tiny hammer more times than I absolutely have to.
Good thing I like life right now. Otherwise it would be a lot harder to laugh at this. :)
I promise, life isn't that bad at the moment, though. I'm not complaining. On the contrary, I'm feeling pretty content again, thanks to an amazing Sunday. I'll see if I can find a way to make the mundane everyday stuff I'm doing at work now sound interesting. Look for it coming to a blog post near you.
16 October 2011
Little Mercies
The Lord loves me. Once upon a time (Friday) I wrote a blog post about feeling not-so-happy and wanting to do something about it. All of a sudden, the next three days are filled with people who love me and messages that inspire me.
Most of it happened today. I was sitting in sacrament meeting, thinking about what the sacrament is and what it means to me, and this quote from Anne of Green Gables popped into my head: "Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it." When we take the sacrament, we renew our covenants with the Lord. It struck me as the perfect opportunity to step away from my feelings of doubt and inadequacy and start over fresh.
So what if I'd slacked off (and I promise, I didn't turn into some reprobate who didn't do anything church-related... I just slipped into going through the motions without getting anything meaningful out of it) or allowed myself to spend too much time on meaningless time-wasting activities? Nothing is stopping me from doing better right now.
And that's what I did.
All of a sudden, all the good things were easier to recognize for what they were. The amazing lessons in Sunday School and Relief Society, the text from my roommate planning a sleepover this weekend, seeing some of my new friends multiple times in the day, going to an incredible fireside by Alex Boye, meeting an attractive new guy, talking to my family, etc.
I would say that it felt like all these good things started happening at once, but a lot of them, especially my friendships, were already there. I just didn't see them for the blessings that they are.
I'm so grateful for tender mercies.
Most of it happened today. I was sitting in sacrament meeting, thinking about what the sacrament is and what it means to me, and this quote from Anne of Green Gables popped into my head: "Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it." When we take the sacrament, we renew our covenants with the Lord. It struck me as the perfect opportunity to step away from my feelings of doubt and inadequacy and start over fresh.
So what if I'd slacked off (and I promise, I didn't turn into some reprobate who didn't do anything church-related... I just slipped into going through the motions without getting anything meaningful out of it) or allowed myself to spend too much time on meaningless time-wasting activities? Nothing is stopping me from doing better right now.
And that's what I did.
All of a sudden, all the good things were easier to recognize for what they were. The amazing lessons in Sunday School and Relief Society, the text from my roommate planning a sleepover this weekend, seeing some of my new friends multiple times in the day, going to an incredible fireside by Alex Boye, meeting an attractive new guy, talking to my family, etc.
I would say that it felt like all these good things started happening at once, but a lot of them, especially my friendships, were already there. I just didn't see them for the blessings that they are.
I'm so grateful for tender mercies.
14 October 2011
Mercy
Hi.
Still off my game today.
It's more than just the sleep/sick thing.
It's really hard for me to feel less-than-happy, which is actually probably true of most people. I'm a happy person. I like to be happy. And it's even harder right now, when I should by all accounts be happier than I've ever been. I have my dream job. It's an amazing job, which most of you already know by now. And I know that my life has a lot of promise in it. Things that I don't have yet are already well-planned on the Lord's timetable. It's all taken care of to maximize my happiness.
So why do I feel unhappy?
I'm lonely. That's the simple truth. And it's hard to acknowledge it, because a lot of it is my fault. I stay at home when I should go out. I moved away from my entire support system. I close off around the people who are in my life right now. I don't make the effort to go down to visit my old friends.
I should do better, but it's so tempting to just give up. And the shameful part is that, too often---especially recently---I do. I take the easy route: book in my lap, alone in my room. It's simpler than trying to find a ride to get somewhere I've never been before and talk to people I don't know.
A woman I really admire wrote an emotionally honest blog post this morning, and I felt like jumping in a plane to Texas and hugging her, because it's good to know that I'm not the only one struggling with self-reproach and feeling down. She talked about not letting the guilt of things undone eat you into giving up. She also talked about trying to focus on the positive things after acknowledging the not-so-great things.
I felt like bursting into tears of gratitude. First, because she is someone I really, really love, and I know that I could curl up in her arms and sob and she would still love me. (No, she's not my mother, though Mom certainly fits that description, too.) Second, because it felt like a gift from the Lord, telling me when I needed it most that it's okay to feel the way I feel and providing me a solution in the same message.
Today, more than ever, I am truly breath-taken by the Lord's mercy. I've been slacking. I've been lazy in my zeal about the gospel. I haven't been living up to my own best standards. And yet, in a moment where I feel I least deserve mercy, the Lord still tells me that He loves me. He blesses me with a sweet reassurance that He is still right here with me, and He's still giving me blessings, even though I've done so little to deserve them.
It's amazing how much He loves me---loves us. I found a beautiful quote that captures what I understand about my relationship to the Savior:
The original context talked about mankind showing this grace for each other, and I happen to feel that it would make a really excellent piece of marriage/parenting advice, but I think it applies to the Savior as well. This is my relationship with Him: I can never earn my own salvation, and most of the time, I feel like I don't deserve to even try for it, but He is willing to love me anyway. Even the tiniest "act" of acknowledging that I'm not where I want to be brings great rewards, despite the fact that I haven't done anything to change---or even figured out how to go about changing---at the time. The simple thought, "I'm not happy, and I want to change that" suddenly opens an avalanche of loving reassurance and counsel.
Before I know it, I'm reading things that apply to my problems, I stumble across a solution in the most unexpected place, and it's suddenly much easier to see the hand of God in my life. From that, the tiniest blossom of hope blooms, then faith, then confidence that I can do what needs to be done. I can keep doing this. Giving up ceases to be the only solution. In fact, it drops off the option-list altogether.
This cycle happens over and over, every day. Many times each day, even. And we are all so blessed that the Lord never gets tired of it.
Still off my game today.
It's more than just the sleep/sick thing.
It's really hard for me to feel less-than-happy, which is actually probably true of most people. I'm a happy person. I like to be happy. And it's even harder right now, when I should by all accounts be happier than I've ever been. I have my dream job. It's an amazing job, which most of you already know by now. And I know that my life has a lot of promise in it. Things that I don't have yet are already well-planned on the Lord's timetable. It's all taken care of to maximize my happiness.
So why do I feel unhappy?
I'm lonely. That's the simple truth. And it's hard to acknowledge it, because a lot of it is my fault. I stay at home when I should go out. I moved away from my entire support system. I close off around the people who are in my life right now. I don't make the effort to go down to visit my old friends.
I should do better, but it's so tempting to just give up. And the shameful part is that, too often---especially recently---I do. I take the easy route: book in my lap, alone in my room. It's simpler than trying to find a ride to get somewhere I've never been before and talk to people I don't know.
A woman I really admire wrote an emotionally honest blog post this morning, and I felt like jumping in a plane to Texas and hugging her, because it's good to know that I'm not the only one struggling with self-reproach and feeling down. She talked about not letting the guilt of things undone eat you into giving up. She also talked about trying to focus on the positive things after acknowledging the not-so-great things.
I felt like bursting into tears of gratitude. First, because she is someone I really, really love, and I know that I could curl up in her arms and sob and she would still love me. (No, she's not my mother, though Mom certainly fits that description, too.) Second, because it felt like a gift from the Lord, telling me when I needed it most that it's okay to feel the way I feel and providing me a solution in the same message.
Today, more than ever, I am truly breath-taken by the Lord's mercy. I've been slacking. I've been lazy in my zeal about the gospel. I haven't been living up to my own best standards. And yet, in a moment where I feel I least deserve mercy, the Lord still tells me that He loves me. He blesses me with a sweet reassurance that He is still right here with me, and He's still giving me blessings, even though I've done so little to deserve them.
It's amazing how much He loves me---loves us. I found a beautiful quote that captures what I understand about my relationship to the Savior:
"This is grace: The willingness to give what has not been earned and what may not be deserved---it is certainly the highest virtue and the deepest expression of love." (Excerpt from the 9/11/11 Memorial Service of Music and the Spoken Word (I love that my job makes me find things like this more often than I would otherwise))
The original context talked about mankind showing this grace for each other, and I happen to feel that it would make a really excellent piece of marriage/parenting advice, but I think it applies to the Savior as well. This is my relationship with Him: I can never earn my own salvation, and most of the time, I feel like I don't deserve to even try for it, but He is willing to love me anyway. Even the tiniest "act" of acknowledging that I'm not where I want to be brings great rewards, despite the fact that I haven't done anything to change---or even figured out how to go about changing---at the time. The simple thought, "I'm not happy, and I want to change that" suddenly opens an avalanche of loving reassurance and counsel.
Before I know it, I'm reading things that apply to my problems, I stumble across a solution in the most unexpected place, and it's suddenly much easier to see the hand of God in my life. From that, the tiniest blossom of hope blooms, then faith, then confidence that I can do what needs to be done. I can keep doing this. Giving up ceases to be the only solution. In fact, it drops off the option-list altogether.
This cycle happens over and over, every day. Many times each day, even. And we are all so blessed that the Lord never gets tired of it.
12 October 2011
Off My Groove
Yes that's right. My groove has been thrown off. Off, I tell you!
I left my memory foam pillow of heavenliness at Qait's house last week and ever since then, my sleep has been weird, my dreams have been weirder, and my entire routine has been about two steps off. I'm this close to throwing my current sub-par pillow out the window because I can't stand not sleeping anymore.
And, because my sleep patterns are weirder than they've ever been in my life, my immune system took the opportunity to crash, so I've really been off my game this week.
Sorry. This isn't a rant-fest. But in case you've been wondering why I seemingly dropped off the face of the planet (*cough* Sorry, Mom), that's why.
On the other hand, my circumstances gave me an opportunity to use a clip from Emperor's New Groove, and that is always a happy thing.
And to be fair, I've also been able to see some God-given mercies in my life the past couple of days, because I'm still surprisingly functional when I finally get to work every day. It's just the before and after parts that are suffering. A deep apology to my friends who wanted to make plans with me this week. I promise I'm not that flaky.
But I'll be telling the absolute truth when I say that I'm looking forward to having my pillow back. :)
06 October 2011
When Tempted...
by that deliciously tasty-looking sweet thing, remember this:
A moment on the lips
is not worth
A month on the hips
--Bryant the IT guy at work
05 October 2011
In Other News...
Geez, Lynnae. Do you ever talk about anything besides work these days? You sound like a workaholic.
Departing from the trend of the last many posts, here's an update on my personal life:
...
...
...
...
...
...
Okay, so I don't really have one. Or at least, not one that would satisfy all those people who are curious about the boys sweeping me off my feet, or wildly fulfilling nights out with the girls. To be honest, even though I've adjusted to the schedule and the (positive!) emotional wear-down of my job, I'm still pretty worn out at the end of the day. I'd much rather curl up on my bed with a book than go out and play.
I did see Qait and her family during conference weekend. It was wonderful. As comfortable as being with my own family. Mom Boatright and I snuggled up together for a little while during the Sunday morning session. Whenever I could, I stole Scarlett away from her adoring mother. Not exactly easy. Qait is a very loving, dedicated mother. She loves holding Scarlett (and I love watching her hold Scarlett, to be honest). But I got some time to play with her, too.
That sweet little baby such a talker. She coos and burbles and smiles at you the instant you bend over to play with her. I'm sure she's telling us marvelous stories that we can't understand. (And sneaky Aunt Lynnae whispered to her that she should grow up to be a storyteller and a world-famous author when Mom wasn't around.)
Later, while Qait was sleeping, Scarlett started to fuss, so I picked her up and carried her around, soothing her until she finally drifted off to sleep. When I was sure she wouldn't wake, I finally sat down in the rocking chair and listened to the rest of conference, enjoying the tingly feeling of my arm falling asleep underneath her. Funny how much I liked a sensation that's normally considered uncomfortable. I blame those cute little baby sounds she made as she slept.
Okay, so Lynnae lives for work and her best friend's kids. That's a real thrilling single-girl life.
I did have a date-ish-thing last Thursday. A guy in the ward called me up and asked if I'd like to go get some ice cream with him. We ate delicious frozen custard and played Set (heh. I won. But he put up a good fight.) on the table while we finished our ice cream. It was nice to go on a date again. Between finishing classes, graduating, and moving, I haven't had much of a dating life for several months.
Apparently I'm not a lost cause. :)
Departing from the trend of the last many posts, here's an update on my personal life:
...
...
...
...
...
...
Okay, so I don't really have one. Or at least, not one that would satisfy all those people who are curious about the boys sweeping me off my feet, or wildly fulfilling nights out with the girls. To be honest, even though I've adjusted to the schedule and the (positive!) emotional wear-down of my job, I'm still pretty worn out at the end of the day. I'd much rather curl up on my bed with a book than go out and play.
I did see Qait and her family during conference weekend. It was wonderful. As comfortable as being with my own family. Mom Boatright and I snuggled up together for a little while during the Sunday morning session. Whenever I could, I stole Scarlett away from her adoring mother. Not exactly easy. Qait is a very loving, dedicated mother. She loves holding Scarlett (and I love watching her hold Scarlett, to be honest). But I got some time to play with her, too.
That sweet little baby such a talker. She coos and burbles and smiles at you the instant you bend over to play with her. I'm sure she's telling us marvelous stories that we can't understand. (And sneaky Aunt Lynnae whispered to her that she should grow up to be a storyteller and a world-famous author when Mom wasn't around.)
Later, while Qait was sleeping, Scarlett started to fuss, so I picked her up and carried her around, soothing her until she finally drifted off to sleep. When I was sure she wouldn't wake, I finally sat down in the rocking chair and listened to the rest of conference, enjoying the tingly feeling of my arm falling asleep underneath her. Funny how much I liked a sensation that's normally considered uncomfortable. I blame those cute little baby sounds she made as she slept.
Okay, so Lynnae lives for work and her best friend's kids. That's a real thrilling single-girl life.
I did have a date-ish-thing last Thursday. A guy in the ward called me up and asked if I'd like to go get some ice cream with him. We ate delicious frozen custard and played Set (heh. I won. But he put up a good fight.) on the table while we finished our ice cream. It was nice to go on a date again. Between finishing classes, graduating, and moving, I haven't had much of a dating life for several months.
Apparently I'm not a lost cause. :)
04 October 2011
A Good Day? Yes, I Think So
It's Day 2 of the run-around-like-crazy phase of post-conference magazine prep. I think I've started to limp because my muscles are so sore from running back and forth so much. Not sure how the distance computes out, but I crossed the width of Temple Square about as many times as there are speakers in conference.
On my first errand this morning, I was heading back to the office from picking up a talk when I met President Eyring on his way in. I was the only other person in the hallway, so he smiled and asked me how I was.
My brain's passport to Bermuda seems to have expired, because it didn't take a trip today. I told him I was doing well, and asked him how he was doing. You know, the normal "Hi, how are you" routine.
Then he told me that he hoped I had a wonderful day. (Still no handshake---he had briefcase, I had papers. Someday...).
Thanks, President Eyring. It's gotten pretty darn wonderful all of a sudden.
Sure, my legs are killing me now, six hours of errand-running later, but I still have warm fuzzies, so no complaints here. :)
On my first errand this morning, I was heading back to the office from picking up a talk when I met President Eyring on his way in. I was the only other person in the hallway, so he smiled and asked me how I was.
My brain's passport to Bermuda seems to have expired, because it didn't take a trip today. I told him I was doing well, and asked him how he was doing. You know, the normal "Hi, how are you" routine.
Then he told me that he hoped I had a wonderful day. (Still no handshake---he had briefcase, I had papers. Someday...).
Thanks, President Eyring. It's gotten pretty darn wonderful all of a sudden.
Sure, my legs are killing me now, six hours of errand-running later, but I still have warm fuzzies, so no complaints here. :)
03 October 2011
Runaround
So some of you are probably curious just how much I knew about conference beforehand. The short answer: most of it. Not every intern saw every talk, but I also was in charge of compiling a topic list for the conference photographers, which meant that I went through every talk and at least knew the outline/major theme of each one. So yes, I knew most of it.
Except the temple announcements. I had a friend text me right after they announced the new temples to ask me if I'd known about them already. Nope. They're sneaky that way. I'd read President Monson's address with one of the other interns and as we were reading, we suddenly noticed a few too many employees lingering "casually" near our cubicle. I raised an eyebrow but kept reading. Then we got to the line: "We are pleased to announce the following new temples..."
Too many sets of ears perked up.
Down to the next paragraph.
"[Text to come]."
"More details will be provided on these temples as we obtain site and other necessary approvals."
Huh. Well shucks, we're building invisible, nameless temples now? Answer: no. But apparently even the Ensign doesn't need to know which temples they're going to announce until they actually announce them.
So I was just as surprised (and a little giddy) as everyone else about the temples. Especially the Provo Templenacle. That is just stupendous. Granted, I've already moved away, but still. I was there for four years. I know how ridiculously busy Provo Temple is. The faithful temple workers and temple-goers in that area have certainly earned the blessing of having a second temple to help them do their work more efficiently.
As for the rest of conference, I might have annoyed a few people by going, "Ooh! It's this person! Pay attention---this talk is amazing." Especially considering I probably did that for almost every talk. And it was fun to talk to Qait's husband about the priesthood session from an in-the-know perspective.
I promise, I'm not on some kind of "knowledge is power, muahaha" trip. It has just been an incredible experience to be a part of conference for much longer than just the 10 hours it runs over Saturday and Sunday.
Today is errand-day. I have been running like mad all over the place, photocopying talks, dropping them off with the secretaries, going back and picking them up when they're done. Good thing I wore comfortable shoes. And that I dressed up a little more than normal. No reliving my "I'm underdressed" mental anxiety attack from my run-in with Elder Perry. Nosiree.
I actually crossed paths with Elder Callister on his way out of the CAB (Church Administration Building---the name is too dang long to spell out all the time) and, funnily enough, I was carrying his talk in my hands. The thought crossed my mind to give it to him, but he was surrounded by scampering grandchildren, and I figured it would be less frazzling for our talk-delivery-coordinator if I just made sure his secretary got it.
I definitely find myself appreciating conference a lot more now that I know how much work goes into it. But if I seem a little bit like a zombie when you see me, you can rule out the whole "It's October" thing and just assume it's because I'm exhausted. Long hours, lots of running around. I'll be back to normal eventually. Maybe.
Except the temple announcements. I had a friend text me right after they announced the new temples to ask me if I'd known about them already. Nope. They're sneaky that way. I'd read President Monson's address with one of the other interns and as we were reading, we suddenly noticed a few too many employees lingering "casually" near our cubicle. I raised an eyebrow but kept reading. Then we got to the line: "We are pleased to announce the following new temples..."
Too many sets of ears perked up.
Down to the next paragraph.
"[Text to come]."
"More details will be provided on these temples as we obtain site and other necessary approvals."
Huh. Well shucks, we're building invisible, nameless temples now? Answer: no. But apparently even the Ensign doesn't need to know which temples they're going to announce until they actually announce them.
So I was just as surprised (and a little giddy) as everyone else about the temples. Especially the Provo Templenacle. That is just stupendous. Granted, I've already moved away, but still. I was there for four years. I know how ridiculously busy Provo Temple is. The faithful temple workers and temple-goers in that area have certainly earned the blessing of having a second temple to help them do their work more efficiently.
As for the rest of conference, I might have annoyed a few people by going, "Ooh! It's this person! Pay attention---this talk is amazing." Especially considering I probably did that for almost every talk. And it was fun to talk to Qait's husband about the priesthood session from an in-the-know perspective.
I promise, I'm not on some kind of "knowledge is power, muahaha" trip. It has just been an incredible experience to be a part of conference for much longer than just the 10 hours it runs over Saturday and Sunday.
Today is errand-day. I have been running like mad all over the place, photocopying talks, dropping them off with the secretaries, going back and picking them up when they're done. Good thing I wore comfortable shoes. And that I dressed up a little more than normal. No reliving my "I'm underdressed" mental anxiety attack from my run-in with Elder Perry. Nosiree.
I actually crossed paths with Elder Callister on his way out of the CAB (Church Administration Building---the name is too dang long to spell out all the time) and, funnily enough, I was carrying his talk in my hands. The thought crossed my mind to give it to him, but he was surrounded by scampering grandchildren, and I figured it would be less frazzling for our talk-delivery-coordinator if I just made sure his secretary got it.
I definitely find myself appreciating conference a lot more now that I know how much work goes into it. But if I seem a little bit like a zombie when you see me, you can rule out the whole "It's October" thing and just assume it's because I'm exhausted. Long hours, lots of running around. I'll be back to normal eventually. Maybe.
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