Little Toy Cars

Imagine that you have this little toy car (I played with cars as a kid, okay?). It's the prettiest, most wonderful toy car you've ever seen. The exterior design is perfect, the wheels never snag or stick, and you can run it the whole length of your bedroom and back and it's unbelievably easy to imagine yourself as the best racecar driver in the world. You spend hours playing with this perfect toy car. You take it with you wherever you go and show it off to all of your friends.

Then one day, your dad asks you to give him your toy car. Like, for keeps. "But why, Dad? This is my very favorite car. Here, how about I give you this other one instead?" But your dad insists. It has to be your toy car. Your very favorite one. He is firm but gentle in his request and finally you relent and place it in his outstretched hand. He deftly tucks it away and you feel a piece of your heart shatter. You loved that car so much that you can't imagine how you're going to have fun without it. While tears fill your eyes, your dad turns and pulls out something new: A bike.

Not only is the bike much bigger and nicer than your toy car, but it will take you places. You don't have to pretend you're a racecar driver anymore; you can race around on your bike for real. Suddenly your world just got so much larger. You can go farther and get there faster with your bike than you ever could take your toy car. You don't have to ask Mom for a ride to your friend's house. Now you can get there yourself.

Pretty soon, however, your dad comes back to you and asks you to give him your bike. You feel upset. He gave you that bike. Why on earth is he wanting to take it back now? But your dad is so kind and gentle and loving that you do it anyway. And he gives you the keys to your very own motorcycle.

With all that horsepower, you can carry yourself and a substantial amount of weight across incredible distances at incredible speeds. Your world just expanded again.

And so it goes on. Eventually, your dad asks for the return of the motorcycle and gives you a car that allows you to carry yourself, other people, and all of the baggage you all carry with you all over the continent. The world is yours, and now you get to bring other people along with you (and we all know road trips are more fun with other people).

So where am I going with this?

Based on experiences in my own life, and because of things my younger siblings are dealing with, I've been thinking a lot about how the Lord often asks us to trust Him and give up something that we love, and what happens when we do.

Have you ever tried to get a kid to give up his favorite toy long enough for you to give him something new? When they're young, they only really understand what's in front of them, and they don't realize that you're about to give them something better, so giving that toy up is the end of their happiness, at least from their perspective. Our first loves, the things and people that make us feel as though the world will end if we give them up, those are our little toy cars. They are amazing, and they help us imagine great things and chase big dreams. But they may not be able to carry us very far in life. So the Lord asks us to trust Him enough to let Him give us something that will increase our ability to progress.

As time goes on and this process repeats, with the vehicle getting better each time, we begin to see the bigger picture. We begin to understand that He's asking it back each time for a good reason. Something better is in store. And so, each time He asks, we give the vehicle back a little more willingly, having learned from experience that the Lord never downgrades us to something less than we've given up. Eventually, we may end up with a fleet of jets at our disposal, carrying hundreds and thousands of other lives closer to our Father. But before we can get there, WE HAVE TO GIVE UP THE TOY CAR.

Now, I recognize that this is not a perfect metaphor for all aspects of life. But I think it does apply beautifully to the principle of sacrifice as I've come to understand it. Whether I've given up a relationship, a job opportunity, or some other goal or dream because the Lord has guided me down a path that didn't allow for that particular thing, I've come to realize that I always end up with something better than what I've given up and that I've come further in life than I might have otherwise. A bike can carry you across the country if you're patient and smart, but a car will do it much faster with a much heavier load, and a jet even more so. If you cling to your "bike," you'll get to the same place eventually, but it may take longer (and you run a greater risk of giving up out of fatigue before getting there), and you may not be able to touch as many other lives and bring them along with you.When we put our lives in the Lord's hands, I completely believe that He increases our capacity to bear burdens and help others and speeds up our own progress at the same time.

I can't begin to count the number of times this has happened to me. When I was 12, my family moved away, taking me away from my two best friends (one of whom I had a crush on). I honestly thought my world was ending and that I'd never find friends as good as the ones I'd left behind. But then, when I was 14, I met the girl who would eventually become as close to me as my own sister and who, now, 12 years later, is still a person I can count on to love me no matter what. When I graduated from college and finished my internship with the Ensign, I wanted nothing in the world more than to work for the Church for the rest of my life. "What could be better?" I asked myself. It was definitely a worthy goal, and a very clear way to use my professional skills to build the Lord's kingdom. But after a long stretch of contract work, every opportunity for full-time work for the Church closed in my face. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get a job in the one place I thought I wanted to be. Then my current job came along. Among the many perks and blessings that this job has given me, one of the coolest is that I have the freedom to transfer among any of the 90+ offices in the country or work from home: my world just got a lot bigger. I can go anywhere with a lot more freedom now because I can take my job (and all of those other perks and benefits!) with me wherever I go.

It can be so hard to give up something that we love (whether it's a relationship, a job, a home, a hobby, or any other dream or passion). The heartbreak we suffer when we do is so very real. And sometimes, when the Lord asks us to give up something that He gave us and pushed us toward in the first place, the feelings of heartbreak and betrayal can be devastating. But He always does it with a good reason. I'm young, yes, but it has happened enough in my own life that I know that it's true.

So, as you face course changes, redirected paths, and surrendered dreams, have courage. Your Heavenly Father will never make you suffer needlessly. Inside every painful sacrifice is the seed of your own success and ultimate happiness.

The New Digs

Well hi! 

As you might have guessed from previous posts, I have been in the process of moving. After seven years of living with roommates (all of them wonderful and interesting), I've started to really itch for my own space. So about 7 months ago, I started looking. I wasn't quite up for taking on a house, so yeah, I'm still renting an apartment, but buying my own house no longer seems quite so daunting now that I've done the getting-my-own-apartment thing. Maybe in a few years. ;)

Anyway, I moved on the 17th of February and I'm now officially all unpacked. It was a pretty quick process overall. The apartment was livable on the first night (thanks to my diligent friends), and I hate boxes sitting out, so I got rid of them as quickly as I could. 

And here's my new pad:

This is the front room. The window lets in SO much light and I LOVE IT, but I had to close it for the pictures. I have a third-floor private balcony, which will be put to excellent use when the first thunderstorms roll in. :)

Yeah, this front room is a little tiny. If I didn't have vaulted ceilings, it would be claustrophobically tiny, but all the natural light and space above keeps the room from feeling oppressively small. Little Brother had my entertainment center set up in the first 20 minutes I was in the house (the couches hadn't even arrived yet).

Remember that I mentioned I have vaulted ceilings? There's also a loft and a ledge (if you're brave enough to hop over the half-wall up top) above. So this is looking down from that. I solemnly swear that I will be up to no mischief, and I won't ever fall (the ledge doesn't have a railing, which is the one major "????" factor of the apartment design. But I'm relatively graceful and sure-footed, so I'm not too fussed).

But YOU GUYS if you ever come visit had better be careful. I keep going all Momma Bear on people who climb out up here.

On the flip side, anyone who comes into my apartment is a prime target for a nerf gun attack from above, so take that under advisement. (Note to self: acquire nerf guns...)

Oh yeah, and those couches are quite comfortable. :D

These are shots of the ledge. See? No railing. It is wider than it looks, and that wheely chair is a miserable excuse for a wheely chair. The wheels don't work, so I won't ever be pushing back from my desk and taking a shortcut to my front room.


I also like that it's harder to access, because this is my work zone. If and when I work from home, I'm not going to be easily distracted by dishes or snacks or my books, because it actually takes effort to get out there and to get back to the rest of the house.

So Lynnae will be able to focus.

Anyway, moving on with the tour.

Oh hello loft! And see what I mean about the effort? I have to hop over that wall if I want to get to and from the ledge. Little Brother gets to sleep in the loft when he comes to visit now, and the books that didn't fit in the front room have overflow space up here. All it needs now is a quashy armchair or something. I'll work on that.

And yes, I have little toy figurines set up by the lamp. Ben and Hyrum would be proud. 

Once you take a little jaunt down the stairs, we come back to the main living spaces. I have a darling dining room and a cute kitchen. (Ha! Alliteration)

The bedroom and bathroom are to the left of the stairs. Kitchen is to the right of the dining table.

LOOK AT ALL THE COUNTER SPACE!!

And then, at the very end, the bedroom:

I love this room. :) I also have the biggest walk-in closet. I'm so spoiled, and I love it.

So yeah, this is my place. It's perfect for me, and despite some of the oddities, the apartment is so unique that I can't get irritated by the little quirks. I'll probably never have a place that has such an unusual design again, so I'm enjoying it while I'm here. 

I'm also looking forward to many adventures and good memories made here. I've got a year to do it, and that's plenty of time to fill it with great memories. :)

Sister Act

I woke up to a happy email this morning. My sister sent me a very brief note with pictures included.

Jess is on her mission in Germany right now (!!!). I'm stuffed with pride at how great she is. When we were younger, I got irritated by her a lot, but I knew that we'd figure it out eventually and become the best of friends.

Well, it worked. We're tight now. She's become her own woman, full of spunky quirks and radiant in her own, completely beautiful way. We've always been almost night-and-day different, and that's still true.

Except for one little thing.

We make the same face. 

Even when we're half a world apart (and separated by six months of time).

Apparently I have taught her well. 

Love you, Jess. In about a year, you'll come home and find out that I posted this on social media for the world to see. I regret nothing. ;)

Heaven Help Me

I had a date tonight.

It went well.

I fell in love. 

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

With the place, not necessarily the man.

I'm sorry, was that misleading? (muahaha) ;) 

The guy was actually really nice. He was one of my better dates so far. I've had a lot of dates that went fine, but I felt really "meh" about afterward. Like, if the guy was persistent and asked me out again, I'd say yes, mostly because I had no reason to say no (incidentally, none of those "meh" dates have actually asked me out again--I guess they felt the same way). I've had a couple where I decided I'd discourage any continued attempts at dating. And I've had one or two where I really wanted to go on another date. This one fell towards the positive end of the scale. I might actually solicit a second date instead of just letting them do all the work (which is a pretty good indication of my interest). 

But that's not the point of this story. The point is that he took me to this little German deli in downtown SLC. 

And do you realize what German delis have???

REAL, AUTHENTIC GERMAN CHOCOLATE! Oh heaven help me, I probably shouldn't know that this place exists, because now I know how to get my hands on the best chocolate (and yes, Mom, I checked--it's not "imported" through Nestle, it's 100% real) whenever I want. I don't have to wait for my sister who is in Germany on her mission to send me some. 

Guys, I'm in trouble. Because it's also walking distance from work.

Oh, and I've actually now had weinerschnitzel, and it's really good. I don't know what it's made of, but it tasted delicious. And this was in my head the whole time:

Sauerkraut (oh my gosh, I am infinitely proud of the fact that I'm spelling these German words correctly without having to ask Google how to do it) is also...not that bad. It was pretty good, actually. My date ordered some and insisted that I try it, so I did. I wouldn't eat a whole plate of  it or anything, but it's a nice side dish/garnish on a savory meal. I get why people do sauerkraut hot dogs and stuff. I might even do that myself someday.

When we were in the German section of Epcot at Disney World when I was 17, I'm pretty sure I either flat-out refused to try sauerkraut, or I hated it on principle. My dad (or Brian, not sure who) tried to convert me and it failed. But in the years since that day, I have discovered that being a picky eater has deprived me of some really good food. I can't believe I lived most of my life without tomatoes or avocados. What a sad, lonely existence I had before. So I've learned to be more adventurous in my food choices, because you never know what might be delicious. (That did backfire once, when we had tacos de lengua (cow tongue) for a work lunch, and my boss asked jokingly, "So who is tasting who?" right in the middle of my bite. I can never do cow tongue again, no matter how good it actually tastes.)

And those are my food-related anecdotes for the day.

The online dating thing is still going well. Nothing too exciting in the "I've met the man of my dreams!" way, but I'm being exposed to new and different foods, experiencing new things, and stepping outside my comfort zone more often. I like it. :) 

And now I know where to find authentic German chocolate. My wallet and my diet are already whimpering in fear.

Nostalgia Update

For the record, Simba and Hayley (from this post) are still living contentedly in my box of childhood. Turns out, I really couldn't bear to part with them, and I did in fact go home and rescue them from the D.I. bag.

I'm a sucker for my own memories, and I'm not quite so cold-hearted yet that I can just throw those out.

Simba and Hayley live on for another round of weeding-out-childhood-memories.

What happens at night...gets posted on the blog

Once upon a time, Roommate downloaded this app that changes your voice. So you make a recording and then select a filter and listen to yourself sound all kinds of crazy. The first time she ever used it, she nearly scared the pee out of me. 

It was Saturday night, about 10:00. I'd just walked in the apartment from after my temple shift and noticed her door was closed. That's normal. She's often in bed before I get home. As I'm passing her door, I hear this super creepy, echoing, maniacal laughter, and the acoustics in our hallway made it almost impossible to pinpoint the sound, so it was alarming.

Before I could actually transition from confused alarm to genuine terror, however, Roommate couldn't help herself: she started giggling from behind her door. Ah yes. I should have known she'd be pranking me. Again. She'd recorded herself doing an evil laugh, and then applied a "Villain" filter to it to make it even better.

Anyway, we've played with the voice changer app several times, and usually, since we tend to only do it way too late at night, we laugh way too hard.

Last night, Roommate had had a pretty bad day, and I'd had a busy one, dealing with the stress of packing and prepping for my move. And, you know, Groundhog Day celebrations and all. So we didn't see each other much until around 11:00 at night. Frayed nerves, wacky hormonal levels, and lack of sleep set us off laughing our heads off. 

And then she sneakily pulled out the voice changer app and started recording us. This video is the clip she sent me, with the "drunk" filter applied to it. I promise, we were not actually drunk, nor did it sound quite this bad in real life. The filter is very good. She took a picture for good measure, I guess.

For reference (if you need it) I'm the one telling a story about a gob of spit.

Yes, that story is true. Roommate is mostly just laughing.

And I totally understand if this is only funny to the two of us. We were both desperately in need of a laugh, and my ribs ache a little bit today from laughing until tears were streaming from my eyes.

The reason I share it at all is because I'm deeply grateful for best friends, with whom it is perfectly acceptable to be a complete weirdo (also, apologies to Brian for calling him a weirdo in this video. We love him, really, we do).

And while I love change and I'm excited by the prospect of moving and getting a fresh start, I do end up carrying around a lot of stress and tension. If I didn't have an outlet, it would get pretty bad. So I'm really grateful for fits of laughter, stupid stories, and ridiculous apps that make us sound more punch-drunk wacky than we actually are.

Incidentally, I had one guy accuse me of being too serious and too intense. I think this puts that to rest once and for all. Although this might scare him off, too. Oh well. :)

A little bit nerdy

Once upon a time, Roommate got an N64 for free from a friend. Neither of us are really gamers. If you had to classify us, we'd be "social gamers," which means we can sit down and enjoy a couple of rounds of MarioKart or Super Smash Bros. with a bunch of friends, but we don't really play much aside from that. She's been playing the Ocarina of Time for two years now, if that gives you any idea. It's a long game, but it's not that long. ;)

Anyway, since N64 is ancient and outdated, games are hard to find, and the popular ones are super expensive. She's been saving up for Super Smash Bros. for almost a year now. Well, I had a Christmas bonus at work and decided to splurge on her Christmas present, so I bought it for her.

It was the perfect present, because she'd really, really wanted it, and it was something that we could do together. Also, it was neither super practical nor completely useless (I swear, finding that magic middle ground in gift-giving is the biggest struggle).

So she opened it and, after tackling me with a rib-breaking hug, she plugged it in and we started playing.

There's something else you need to know about me for this story to make the most sense: I'm not that good at video games. Mostly because I don't play them very often. I'm used to being the worst player in Smash Bros. and MarioKart, and I usually prefer to play with people who aren't overly competitive for that exact reason.

But look at this:

That's me. The wreath. The astonishing number of KOs. The dramatic stance in the background. And I was SO excited that I took a picture because it'll probably never happen again. We also hadn't figured out how to turn off friendly-fire damage, so this feat was slightly more impressive because she was capable of inflicting damage on me (and did, several times). Roommate has since gotten better than me at this game, but I savored my brief, tiny moment of Smash Brothers glory for all it was worth.

I did also beat my brother once, in a viciously competitive, all-out duel. I didn't take a picture though. One was enough.

And that, my friends, is about as gamer-nerdy as I will ever get.

The Grand Chop

Yes, I'm aware that this post is going to be old news for the people who see me regularly, but I still wanted to share it. I cut my hair!

After three years of growing it out (and pouring a lot of love and attention into keeping it healthy that whole time), cutting it off was kind of a big deal for me. In fact, I had a hard time committing to doing it (much to my hair stylist's chagrin). It was really beautiful long, but I like the shorter cut more because it suits me a little bit better.

Though, to my surprise, some of my guyfriends actually openly wept when I chopped it off. Guys really do like longer hair. Go figure.

Before

However, I am also my mother's daughter. She's a cosmetologist. She's always done whatever she wanted with her hair, regardless of what my dad's preferences are (though she's been nice enough to never do something that he hates, and he doesn't try to force his preferences on her--he loves her the way she is). I'm exactly the same way. My hair is mine. I'll do what I want with it. That being said, I'm attached (haha, stupid pun) to it, and I like it long enough to run my fingers through, so if my man really hates pixie cuts on girls, he'll probably never have to worry about it. If, by some weird happenstance, he really likes pixie cuts on girls, well, he might just have to live without that.

After!

Whatever, I've rambled long enough.

Pretend that this is seven months ago and you haven't seen me without long hair in three years. :)

I'm growing it out a little more and plan on keeping it around shoulder length for a while. That's probably my favorite length overall.

By the way, I didn't realize how much I changed my hair until I started the whole online dating thing. I put a range of pictures up and didn't really think about it, but then I started getting a bunch of questions along the lines of, "So what does your hair actually look like right now?" Looking back through them, I realized that it's been long, short, light, dark, black, blonde, even a little red (depending on the lighting).

The winners are always the ones who like it all ways. ;)

Well, what else is new?

Oh hey.

It's me again.

I'm going to sincerely try to be better at blogging this year. This could be another of those well-intentioned New Year's resolutions that tapers off by mid-February, but my life has spiced up in some new and interesting ways, so I think I have more to write about, which will hopefully help.

For one thing, I finally signed up for online dating.

I know.

*GASP!* YOU DID WHAT??

That's a slight exaggeration of my parents' reaction. ;)

It's taken me a long time to come around to the idea because, I'll be honest, I was totally one of those people who thought that online dating was for desperate losers who couldn't catch the attention of anyone in real life. Considering the status of my dating life the last four years, that might not be too far off from the truth. :P

Kidding. Totally kidding.

The idea has been growing on me ever since my best friend from college met her husband through online dating. She's definitely not a desperate loser, and she had a really good experience with it. Then it seemed like all of my friends were getting married that way. (The ones who weren't were marrying people they knew from high school and that is not an option for me.) And all of these people getting married were amazing, socially graceful, intelligent people. Huh. Maybe there's something to this online dating thing after all. But I still put it off for over a year. I finally signed up in November.

And guess what?

It's been pretty cool, actually. I like that the whole concept of online dating is that you have a lot of information about the person right up front, and it kind of facilitates a more open conversation about expectations. I like cutting through the mind games and the weird back-and-forth dynamics of trying to show interest without showing interest that we do so much. For example, I've had a couple of first dates where the guy was like, "Well, this was fun. How are you feeling about a second date?" And I was allowed to decline a second date (or encourage one) without him getting all weird about it. The honesty is refreshing. (It has blown up in my face a few times, where someone takes my difference of opinion personally and gets all mad, but those just make good stories later, and it doesn't happen that often, so I don't care.)

So I'm having some fun with that. Plus, I just went from going on one or two dates per year to having one or more a week, and even though it gets a little overwhelming sometimes, I don't mind having that problem. It's nice to be meeting new people and occasionally making new friends out of it.

Out of respect to the guys--because who knows whether any of them may or may not find this blog--I'm actually going to be a little close-lipped about the specifics of my dates. I'm not going to use them as fodder for blogging material (unless I get a story that's just begging for it). It's also better for me to keep my interests and hopes about specific guys a little more private. Trust me, if I find a good one, you'll hear about him eventually. ;)

So yeah. Online dating. It's not that scary. In fact, it's actually been really nice for my self-esteem to discover that there are guys who will pick me out of a sea of faces and pursue me because they think I'm worth getting to know (and the occasional doofus who's like, "Ur hott, want 2 go out?" is kind of nice, too. As shallow as it is, it's just a teensy bit satisfying to know that I'm pretty enough for some of those super shallow guys who don't care about a girl's personality. I would never date one, obviously, and I might be a bad person for enjoying the attention, but there you have it. I'm just a little bit shallow sometimes).

Overall, I'm just happy that I have lots of opportunities to meet good guys. It's very possible that I'll still meet someone at church, or at work, or serving in the temple (how cheesy and adorable would that be?). I haven't given up on that at all. But if by chance my man is living a couple of cities away and wouldn't bump into me on a normal day, well, now he can still find me. That's worth the effort of online dating, in my opinion.

And I guess I'll have to give more updates later. I rambled longer than planned. :)

Memories

So, in the process of weeding out my stuff, I also had three boxes of childhood memorabilia that my parents brought with them when they came up here for Christmas. Which means I am officially moved out of my parents' house entirely. I don't have anything left there.

Three boxes of stuff I can't use is kind of a lot when you're looking at moving into a new place that has limited storage, so I decided to weed out those boxes and try to reduce the number as much as possible. I'm pretty ruthless about this, which might be traumatic for natural pack-rats. Feel free to look away if you must. It gets a little messy.

Basically, I had two rules: If I've used it in the last year, or it's obvious that I could use it with my children, I kept it. If it triggered a strong memory, I kept it. If I didn't pick something up and get thrown back into my childhood by it, I chucked it. And I ended up with only one box when I was done. Like I said. It got a little gory. Many childhood nicknacks have been sacrificed to the D.I. bag (and the unsuitable ones to the garbage bag) here today.

But then I came across these two:

Go figure they're practically staring up at me beseechingly.

And I had a little problem. Because they're probably my most treasured stuffed animals from before I was about six. Simba has a weird little tube in him that makes him purr when you squeeze him, and Hayley the Bunny Rabbit was a gift from my great aunt that I took everywhere with me. And because I was an adorable little girl, Simba and Hayley were usually married and had a slew of children that were puppies, tigers, bears, dragons, and, once, a turkey (???). I've pretty much tossed most of my other stuffed animals, but these two have survived 10 or more purges over the years.

They're bedraggled, well-loved by a child who loved cuddling with them, and I have very, very strong memories associated with them.

But I didn't have room.

Everything fit in one box (including some less well-loved stuffed animals that my kids will probably love) except them. From my own experience as a kid, I didn't really like playing with my mom's well-loved stuffed animals from her childhood, so I can pretty much guarantee that my kids won't want them, especially when newer, softer ones are available (and I have a few of those).

So what do I do?

Making them into a scrapbook-style memory seemed the most fitting tribute, so here I am.

Of course, now that I've written this post, a part of me wants to go home, pull them out of the D.I. bag, and find a way to make them fit into my one box of childhood.

Oh, nostalgia. You're a hard one to beat.

I'm totally okay with change

You know what I actually really like?

Moving.

I love moving.

I like digging through my stuff, throwing things out, reliving memories as I open up old boxes to see if I still need anything in them, and reorganizing my life into boxes and rooms.

I also love unpacking and spreading out into a new home, watching empty rooms fill up with all the things that matter to me. I've even redecorated my room a couple of times in the last year, even though I haven't moved, just because I enjoy the refresh.

Maybe it's a really stereotypically womanly thing, but I really do love making my house a home. I love the idea of decorating, cooking things that smell good, and having plushy couches that beg people to curl up on them with a good book. And the older I get, the stronger that desire gets.

So yeah, as I may have mentioned, I'm moving. Roommate and I have been simmering over this decision for a couple of months now, and while we really do love living together, we've both been itching for a change. She's looking forward to living with someone new, and I've been dying to get into my own home. For me, it's time. I've had roommates long enough, and I'm ready to have a space that is 100% my own.

Hello, home office and guest bedroom. Little Brother is so excited to have a real bed to sleep in when he comes up to visit for the weekend.

Will it be tough, living alone? Maybe a little bit. I'll be more likely to get lonely, but I've gotten really good at dealing with that in the last couple of years, and I know that I won't hermit up and get depressed. In fact, it might actually be better for me because I'll have to reach out of my comfort zone and invite people over (or go out with them) in order to have company. In some ways, having my roommate around becomes a little bit of a crutch, because I get enough social interaction from her that I don't reach out to other people who might be in greater need of a friend than she is.

I also realize that I'm running the risk of settling into habits and getting used to doing things exactly the way I want them that might present an interesting challenge when I do eventually get married. But that's been a risk for years. My poor husband is going to have to spend the first year or so of our marriage trying to remind me to let him open the dang jars and reach the hard-to-reach stuff on the top shelf anyway. Poor man. :)

But remember? I like change. So maybe that won't be so difficult after all. ;)

By the way, do you know what I really dislike?

Being all ready to jump into action and having to sit around waiting. Yep. My apartment isn't available yet. So I have all this pent-up energy and motivation to get the ball rolling and I can't let it run free yet. So if I seem cranky or like I'm stewing, it's probably because of that.

Aside from that, life is wonderful. And I genuinely mean that. Yes, there are little annoyances and things that throw my mood off for a few hours (or a day, sometimes), but I'm still incredibly blessed, and I never entirely forget that.

Happy 2015! plus, Life Update!

Wow. I've been worse at blogging this year than ever before. Conversely, I've been better at journaling in an actual journal. You know, the kind that only you and your kids ever see. I rocked at that this year. It seems blogging and journaling have an inverse relationship for me. So, I need to do my annual year-in-review post and then hopefully fill you in on the rest of my life. So off we go!

ZERO, the number of roommates I'll have this coming year, since I finally got my very own apartment. I signed for it over Christmas! It's also the number of vacuums I have for said new apartment, though I have pretty much everything else I need. ;)

ONE queen bed, plus a bedroom set, that I bought for myself this year. Goodbye, cramped little twin bed! I'm sleeping in a bedroom that looks like it belongs to an adult, and I'm a little bit a lot happy about that. Also, bright side, I will have ONE guest bed for friends and family to sleep in when they come to visit me now!

TWO siblings on missions: Jess in Germany and Ben in Guatemala. We talked to both of them over Christmas, and I am so unbelievably proud of their faith and dedication in serving the Lord. It's so cool to have them both out at the same time. 

THREE months ago, I started volunteering at the Bountiful temple as an ordinance worker on Saturday evenings. It eats into my social life quite a bit, but I haven't once regretted it. The blessings I've received since I started have far outweighed any social inconvenience. I also have the opportunity to dust off my foreign language skills and learn the ordinances in Spanish to help with the Spanish session we have every Saturday. That's one of my New Year's resolutions. :)

FOUR days in Washington, DC for a business trip this last October. First, I have a job that sends me on business trips. How cool is that? Second, I haven't been to DC since I was five (and I vividly remember the giant fake penny that I got there that fell down a drainage grate after I got home--I stared mournfully through that grate for a few weeks after that, watching the mud pile up on that glint of copper at the bottom... wow, that is is a really vivid memory from 20 years ago...). Third, I got to meet my hilarious and wonderful team of editors (who are scattered all over the country) for the first time, and it felt like I'd known them for years. 

FIVE times five equals 25, which is how old I turned this last year, and it has been wonderful. From an excellent birthday surprise by Roommate to the insurance cuts that you get if you have a perfect driving record to finally figuring out a few more things about life and love, 25 has been an excellent year for me. It's probably been my favorite age so far. I almost don't want to turn 26, not because I don't want to get old, but because I'm not done being 25 yet.   

SIX Jacksons with full-fledged temple recommends (and Baby Brother super excited to do the same when he's older). When I was younger, I watched a lot of my cousins struggle and fall away from the Church, and I was always a little afraid that one of my siblings would, too. It's still a mild concern (enough that it keeps us lovingly bolstering each other's testimonies when times get hard), but my parents' incredible examples of faith and devotion to the Lord above everything else have clearly impacted me and my siblings and inspired us to set the same patterns for ourselves, including temple service. I find a lot of comfort in knowing that my brothers and sister can and will face difficulties with optimism and hope, no matter what comes their way. 

SEVEN months ago, I finally, finally bought my first car! Her name is Phoebe, she's three years old, and I have no regrets about the amount of time I spent saving for her, because I was able to afford an almost-new, very nice car. It also frees me up to do a lot of things I couldn't do before.

EIGHT hours (give or take a little) of incredibly uplifting conversations with a man who completely changed my mind about pretty much all of my dating fears. No, he's not still in my life, but he treated me better than I've been treated by a date in years, and he restored my excitement about dating in general. Go him! He was also proof that even a relatively tiny amount of time and effort can make a lasting impact on someone else. Little things can yield big results, even if you're not around to see them later. He won't ever know what he did, but I know, and my future family will be blessed by it. (Cheesy, I know, but it's true.)

NINE hours and forty minutes: the length of the drive Brian and I took to Sacramento for Thanksgiving, which marked Phoebe's first road trip (she did wonderfully well), AND the first time in five years that I've been able to spend both Thanksgiving and Christmas with my immediate family, since my parents and baby brother flew to meet us in Sacramento to spend the holiday with our Granddad, who lives in El Dorado.

TEN months at an incredible job. I know! TEN MONTHS! It's flown by so fast. I still love it as much as I did when I started, and I'm still content with the idea of working here for the rest of my life. That is a blessing I'm constantly thankful for. I love loving what I do for work. :)

Lesson Learned - This year has been a year of dreams come true. Yes, I've still had challenges and struggles (that's normal), but looking back over this year, I am overwhelmed by how many things fell into place this year. Last year, I learned that my happiness starts with me, and now, after another year of putting that into practice, I am amazed by how good this year has been! Dreams DO come true. They absolutely do. Sometimes, we have to work through a lot of pain and suffering before they do, but if it matters to us, it matters to God, and He'll help us make it happen.

And the other thing I've learned this is year is that my dreams (and yours) are worth the wait. Patience pays off. If it takes longer than you expect, then you'll appreciate it more when you do get it. My incredible job means a lot more to me because I worked through stressful, tenuous employment for two years beforehand. I appreciate my car more because I worked so hard for it (and even gave up the chance to buy a few times before I finally did). Don't ever give up on your dreams; the reality is so much better than your imagination could ever make it. 2014 was a fantastic year. 2015 will be incredible too, even if hard things happen.  It always gets better. ^_^