So why Needles? And why do I have such a vendetta against it? Well, nothing against the people there. They're probably nice enough. Although it's my opinion that they must be half crazy to live in that kind of heat. No, I have nothing against the town itself, aside from the mandatory *ahem* quality time I got to spend there.
It started out as a simple day. It was a bright, cheerful 4th of July as the Jackson clan scrambled into our trusty old Expedition and set off on our ten hour drive to the Grand Canyon. Life was jolly and grand until we rolled past Needles and saw the nifty little newfangled gadget for tire pressure light up. Time for a pit stop. So we sidled off the freeway, refilled our tires, and took off again, problem solved.
Dear heaven, if only.
Less than 20 minutes later, it was on again. This time we pulled off on this barely-paved road that led to exactly nowhere and stepped out into the blasting heat to start hauling out the equipment for changing a tire. Piece of cake, right? What's a little 114 degree heat when the tire will be changed in a jiffy? Then the wrench broke. No, I'm not kidding. Cracked, right down the middle. Hop, skip and jump (okay, not really -- who would be mad enough to go through that kind of exertion in that kind of heat?) down to the compartment in the trailer where the other wrench was stashed. What's that, Dad? The star wrench is bending??? Um, that's not good. Nope. Pretty sure that's textbookly bad.
Dear AAA insurance company, We are marooned in the middle of nowhere. Yes, of course we know how to change a tire. Yes, of course we have a good spare tire. What's the problem? Oh, we're just incapable of getting a little piece of metal the size of my big toe off the car. Please come help us. Love, the Jacksons.
So, the AAA guy told us he'd bring his big beefy truck with its big beefy air compressor to get our little itty bitty lug nut off for us. Problem: he's like, an hour and a half away because we're in a place no sane person would stop, let alone build something as sophisticated as a car insurance company. And we're standing outside our car, our skin baking in the sun while, at the same time, the asphalt is doing its absolute best to melt the rubber off the bottoms of our shoes. Good thing we've got the trailer... with its... closed... in... spaces. The age old question: which do you really need to survive? Wind? Or shade? Well, I'm here to tell you that I survived in shifts of lacking one or the other, but even if I'd had both, it wouldn't have done me a speck of good. Not when it's that hot.
After slipping into a dazed dream about glaciers and free falling into sub-arctic oceans, I was roused by the approach of a very big, rumbly truck that was coming to rescue us. My attempts to go out and observe were foiled by my mother, who had apparently decided to opt for suffocation rather than sunburn and consequently, skin cancer. In the end, she was the wiser of the two of us. An hour's worth of using that big, beefy, superstrong air compressor still couldn't budge that little bitty lug nut. What. On. Earth. Who rigged this?? Finally, the AAA guy refilled our tire in the hopes that we could limp back to the by-now-much-hated Needles and find a tire shop.
Au contraire, oh ignorant ones! Hast forgotten the holiday? No one's coming in! Not for less than $150 in cash plus repair costs, anyways. We finally found a shop that was open and had qualified personnel on the clock. There was a little AM/PM mart next door and that is the closest I have ever come to kissing the floor of a convenience store. The air conditioning was like the breath of life itself. The water might as well have been the nectar of the gods. And they had ice cream! For the first time in my life, my body didn't know or care about the definition of a
brain freeze. That ice cream was gone and swallowed before the cashier had even finished counting out the change. Luckily for us, the tire shop had some kind of super-awesome thingamajig that got that lug nut off. PS: want to know how big that lug nut was? About like this:Bested by a scrap of metal for over four hours. Who would have thought?
Oh, and this tale isn't over. We got back on the road, sighed the most heartfelt sighs ever sighed, and settled back into the drive, anxious to get to our destination. I hadn't even gotten through the first song on my mp3 player when WHUMP! thumpthumpthumpthump suddenly rattled through the car. A quick pullover and a peek out the driver's side door confirmed that the back tire on our trailer had blown. And guess what?
!!!
We didn't even have a spare tire for the trailer. And! We didn't have AAA coverage for the trailer either. And! Thanks to our four hour delay with the lugnutfromhell, pretty much everything was closed for the holiday. Did you know that the iphone is wonderful? We googled every tire shop within a 50 mile radius looking for someone who might still be open. Also, were you aware that tire places have a fascination with brilliantly original names like "Big O Tires" or "Big D Tires" or "Big S Tires" or, the radically unique "Big X Tires." Please, oh creative heart of mine, never fall in love with a greasemonkey.
Well, Mr. Big D Tires happened to still be open and he also did roadside service. So he came to our rescue (although how much an exorbitant fee like that could be considered a "rescue" is up to you) and, two more hours later, we were off on the road again. Luckily with no further mishaps.
And so, after 11 hours in cramped quarters, 6 hours roadside, melting in 114 degree heat, and several broken tools strewn along the I-40, we finally pulled into the South Rim campground at 11:30 at night. I have never been so happy in my life to see a dusty, dirty, weedy-grass patch of earth in my life.
Silver lining... silver lining... where oh where can you be...?
I'm kidding. I'm actually going to depart from my snark for a moment and point out how much that experience enhanced my appreciation for the oft-overlooked amenities we have in everyday life, like AC, water bottles, and soft juicy foods like grapes and apples and berries. We were looked after by Someone who wanted us to learn some valuable lessons about gratitude and learn we did.
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