The Experiment

I conducted a fascinating experiment today.

Okay okay so "experiment" might not be the right term. I don't have the time or patience to survey guys on how they think. But I reserve the right to express my opinion.

Just for kicks, I posted a status expressing my "willingness" to date. "Willingness" being the operative word because I had no intention of taking any would-be offers up on a date if the best they could do was comment on a status on facebook. That just strikes me as tacky. A phone call or an in-person invitation would do nicely and, in my humble opinion, SHOULD be done in order to garner the most of a girl's respect from the beginning.

Now, perhaps it was a bit low of me to resort to said tackiness in order to find out what would happen, but I don't feel like discussing the ethics of my experiment choice. I was more curious about the reaction. Frankly, I expected more comments from girls, saying "me too!" and maybe, just maybe, a guy saying "sure" or "no". The results were surprising and I learned two key things:

1) None of the facetiousness of my emotions at the time translated into what other people saw. Perhaps I chose the wrong emoticon. If so, my bad. I would think a winky face would be suitably indicative of the kind of tone I was using. Or maybe I should have left one off altogether. That aside, almost everyone thought I was serious, which I suppose is a sad reflection on their knowledge of me.

2) Some guys can be downright cruel. Now, since they were operating under the assumption that I was serious, which obviously I wasn't, I'm not particularly hurt by any of their comments, but had I meant it, I would have been hurt. (Follow that sentence if you can... I'm not sure it makes sense). But they said everything from "desperate" to "pathetic" to "you know better than that." The only one who didn't was my friend who knows me well enough to know that I was being facetious.

What did I learn?

First and foremost, jokes are tricky on facebook. This entire argument has the potential to be invalidated by that fact alone. In which case the moral of the story is simply to avoid making jokes on facebook that can be taken the wrong way. However, I know that at least a few guys genuinely thought I was serious and made comments based on that assumption, so I proceed.

Second and most pertinent, I hear guys bemoaning that girls make things so difficult. Girls don't say how they feel or make it easy for a guy to ask them out (leaving off the ridiculous oversight that girls have exactly the same problem with guys). Well, who can marvel when there are guys like that in the world? No wonder girls don't say "Hey, I like dating." They get labeled as desperate or pathetic. Even by other girls. So we keep our interests tightly veiled so that we avoid such treatment.

Granted, not all guys are like that. Perhaps I have some very clueless facebook friends. Or maybe they were joking too and it didn't translate well from their words to my interpretation of them. Who's to say? (except for them, of course, but they are entitled to remain anonymous if they so choose)

However, I do have many guyfriends who don't sneer at girls for feeling emotions (because let's be honest, we're girls. We. Have. Emotions. Get used to it quick or you're going to make a poor boyfriend/ husband). In fact, they actually confess to having emotions too, (GASP!), which allows us to cultivate really great friendships/relationships and learn from each other.

So to add a giant disclaimer: I'm not making a judgment call on all guys. Because that would be stupid of me. And I'd be lying. I like guys. Guys are cool. They're fun to be around. Most of them are downright decent and can be tender and understanding. And heck, I'm looking for some charming guy to sweep me off my feet someday (yeah I know. I'm desperate and pathetic for wanting to get married -- so sue me).

But hopefully this is a little enlightening to all you guys out there who wonder why girls "make it difficult" for you to find out how they feel. We're just afraid of being shot down. Which, from experience, I know guys are afraid of too. Is it right? Is it wrong? Well, that's for someone else to debate. Feel free.

And on the bright side, this experiment did wonders for helping me weed out which guys are or are not worth my time. So thanks for that.