I Can't Read!

So I made a somewhat distressing discovery recently. I can't read anymore.

Okay, obviously, I still have the ability to read (and write... I hope). But I just can't sit down, open a great book, and read for hours on end. Even if that book is a page-turner (and the one I'm trying to read right now does, in fact, fall into that category). No matter how much I like the book, I'll put it down after 10-15 minutes.

I'M BROKEN!

Why has the voracious bookworm's appetite died? Turns out this is a completely unforeseen side effect of being a proofreader. We've been reading aloud in teams of two through ALL of the Book of Mormon and the Bible.

Yes, I just finished reading the Old and New Testaments. Probably for the first time in my life. (Okay, second, but I got nothing out of it when I read them for seminary.)

But I suppose when you're reading for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, it tends to overload even my insatiable appetite for reading. As a result, I have no attention span for reading anymore.

And I hate it.

I don't hate reading. I still know that I love it. I just can't do it anymore.

Curses.

Oh, and incidentally, I also can't read aloud anymore. Not in any situations where I'm required to read the way a normal person would, anyway. Because as a proofreader, I'm now used to reading every piece of punctuation, every footnote, every capital letter and italic word... you know, all of it.

So once upon a time, I sat in class at church. Being the contributor that I am, I volunteered to read a quote when the teacher asked. Okay, brain, here's the deal, don't read any commas, okay? You're not proofing right now. So I read along great, managing to tell myself not to read the commas and still reading the words at the same time. Then I got to the period at the end of the sentence. "Point"! You're supposed to say "point" for a period! My brain was practically screaming at me, and I froze. What do I do if I don't say it? How on earth will people know that the sentence is over and I'm starting a new one? Wait. They don't know what "point" means. It's okay. But what do I say instead? OHMYGOSH I've forgotten everything I knew about reading out loud like a normal person! (Keep in mind, I'm still in the middle of reading this quote, and a longish awkward pause is starting to ensue as I pause to have this mental war with myself. Hopefully they just thought I was overcome with emotion at the beauty of the quote...) Okay, skip the point. Don't read the capped letter. Just get through this last, stupid sentence, and Never. Read. Out. Loud. Again. And thus ended the most stressful seconds of my life. The stupid part is that I was just reading a quote in class. Last time I checked, that's not supposed to be a major cause of stress.

So yeah. I can't read. It's great. (Not.)

On the other hand, I find stuff like this uproariously funny now. Because that's basically how it works. (Sadly though, the sounds are less fun than the ones he makes...)



So, what do you do with a broken bookworm who can't read anymore? Why, take her to see The Avengers, of course. And there you have my grand plans for tonight. :)