Frickin' Daisy Cutters

Have you ever thought about how boring our insults are today? It's probably not surprising that a Shakespeare-lover like me asks the question. Most of us have been given one of those "Make Your Own Shakespearean Insult" charts with three columns of insult-components that you slap together and generate an insult worthy of the Wordsmith himself.

But I'm not talking about just Shakespearean insults. The title of this post is an expletive muttered by that chopper-flying chick in Avatar. Amongst all the other typical military-language and "real" swear words, this expletive phrase actually made me laugh out loud in the theater. In a way, it was oddly refreshing. Mostly because it was different.

And, for your viewing pleasure, please take a stroll down memory lane with me to one of my favorite insult-trading dialogues:

Rufio: Boil-dripping, beef, fart-sniffing bubble butt!
Kids: Bangarang, Rufio!
Peter Banning: Someone has a severe ca-ca mouth, you know that?
Rufio: You are fart factory, Slug-slimed, sack-of-rat-guts-in-cat-vomit, cheesy, scab-picked, pimple-squeezing finger bandage. A week old maggot burger with everything on it and flies on the side!
Kids: [in unison] Ugh!
Peter Banning: Substitute chemistry teacher.
Lost Boy: Come on, Rufio, hit him back.
Rufio: Mung tongue.
Peter Banning: Math tutor.
Rufio: Pinhead.
Peter Banning: Prison barber.
Rufio: Mother lover.
Peter Banning: Nearsighted gynecologist.
Rufio: In your face, camel cake!
Peter Banning: In your rear, cow derrière.
Rufio: Lying, crying, spying, prying ultra-pig.
Peter Banning: You lewd, crude, rude, bag of pre-chewed food dude.
Thud Butt: [with the rest of the Lost Boys] Bangarang, Peter!
Rufio: You... you man! Stupid, stupid man!
Peter Banning: Rufio, if I'm a maggot burger why don't you eat me! You two-toned zebra-headed, slime-coated, pimple-farmin' paramecium brain, munchin' on your own mucus, suffering from Peter Pan envy!
Don't Ask: What's a paramecium brain?
Peter Banning: I'll tell you what a paramecium is! That's the paramecium! It's a one-celled critter with no brain, that can't fly! Don't mess with me man, I'm a lawyer!

I always felt a little guilty about loving it so much, especially since my mother told me it was crude when I was a child. Granted, this was before I think she finally gave up on stopping her kids from saying "fart" and "butt," as well.

So here's my beef:

Generally, I am uncomfortable with swearing. Which should be fairly obvious, since I've never sworn on this blog (or in real life). This is  because, aside from my religious desire to keep my thoughts and words clean, I simply don't want to. I find swear words unimaginative and boring. For the most part, they are ugly-sounding, single syllable words that even an idiot could spell (although ironically, they are often misspelled). And they've been beaten into the ground and overused worse than a "What I think I look like..." meme on Facebook.

They require no finesse. No nuanced understanding. And only very, very rarely are they the most accurate descriptor for the situation that's causing you to swear in the first place.

I don't get up on the soapbox of "English is dying! Save our younger generation from idiocy and diminished language!" because I've found that there can be a lot of value in the slang vocabulary of the rising generations. However, when it comes to our ability to utter expletives and throw out insults, I feel like most of us are stuck with Rufio's lame comeback: "You... man! You stupid, stupid man!" We're stuck shifting to the recourse of emphasis and repetition because we're out of creative ways to respond.

Just to be clear, I'm not advocating new "swear" words, or even promoting insult-bashing and vicious word-sparring. In general, I think society could stand to be a lot kinder and use fewer insults and expletives overall. But this linguistic rant, if you will, is stemming from my frustration with the language today. Especially in the movies I'd love to go see, but end up choosing not to because I'm not in the mood to be sworn at every other minute.

My second disclaimer: I am by no means perfect. I've caught myself mentally swearing from time to time, even though I try not to. So I'm not up on any soapbox, calling people out. I'm just feeling wistful for a little bit more of the PG-rated language that made Hook so fun. And since I got into a conversation about this the other day with a coworker, it's been on my mind.

It also provided more interesting fodder for a blog post than, "Dear Diary, I finished a book today. Again. Then I went to sleep. Again. Blah blah blah blegh." (You're welcome for not posting that post.)