Thoughts on Motherhood

I've been stewing on this post for awhile. For several months now, I've had more friends in various stages of life than I ever have before. Some are single, some are married without children, some have young kids, some have teenagers, and some are empty nesters. Most of them are women.

I've been bothered a lot recently by a couple of friends in particular who, whenever the topic of children is brought up, always manage to point out that having children is full of trials. Oh, you get blessed, but it doesn't really make up for the long stretches of grief that they give you, they say. Every time they talk about children, I get the feeling that a small (or big) part of them feels regret or resentment towards their children. They made it sound like a life sentence rather than a rewarding challenge.

Now, I'm not a mother, obviously, but I am a child, and I have a mother. I know my siblings and I were occasionally (often) really good at making her lose her temper, and driving her crazy was sometimes a recreational pastime. (Not often: we weren't devil children.) But I never doubted that my mom truly felt that we were the greatest blessing in her life (besides Dad, of course). As I got older, that knowledge actually encouraged me to be a better daughter, because I wanted to always be a blessing in my mom's life.

No matter what I faced, I was always supported by the knowledge that my mother loved me more than anything else in this world, and nothing I could ever do would make her throw up her hands and give up on me.

Honestly, it would shatter me to find out that my mom considered me and my siblings a necessary trial that got in the way of other things. That's not what parenting is about. Its not just doing the world a service by raising kids to be responsible adults who contribute to the world in meaningful ways. I truly think that motherhood is meant to be the source of the greatest joys in the world.

Now, I get that not every woman is cut out to thrive on the difficulties of motherhood. Some women genuinely struggle with it (and I'm sure every woman has a hard time with being a good mother with varying degrees of frequency). But I've learned something over the last few years that I hope I never forget: how you allow yourself to think about a trial directly affects how you actually feel about it. When I start thinking that work is boring and repetitive and unfun, I find it harder and harder to go in and be productive. I'm just coming out of that, actually. Then I got sick of disliking my job and started focusing on the good things about it. It's a process that requires patience and consistency, but I've started to love my work again. I think the same thing applies to anything else, including motherhood. If you think that your children are a trial, that is what they become. If you consider them a blessing and a source of joy, the struggles, tantrums, and bad attitudes begin to pale in comparison to their incredible potential.

You tend to get what you focus on.

Personally, I look forward to having kids. I know how rewarding it is to see my younger siblings grow up well and fulfill their potential. It'll be a thousand times more worth it to help my own children do the same thing.

So a note for the future: don't let me complain about my kids. I never want to resent them or regret having them. Those feelings can do so much damage to children, no matter their age. I've known people who, even in adulthood, would have given everything to know that their parents loved them and didn't regret them.

I want to give my own children a home as filled with unconditional, unfailing love as my own was. Even when they smear poop on the walls, or tie each other up, or break curfew to party with questionable friends. My children will always know that their mother loves them. Even when I  lose my temper, because I'm sure it'll happen.

So yeah. I've been stewing on this for awhile because it's been bothering me. And it's made me eternally grateful for a mother who has never stopped loving me, no matter how much I've struggled.