Raw

I'm feeling a little more raw than usual. Perhaps it's empathy (and sympathy) for friends who are having a rough time. Perhaps it's mental fatigue (curse you, brain, for tricking me out of my extra sleep this morning). Perhaps it's life trying to run me over while I'm trying so hard to rise above it all. I'm inclined to think it's all of the above.

Whatever it is, it's producing the inclination to hide in my room with a good book and a nice steaming mug of cocoa instead of going out with friends. I'm still going out, mostly because it's exactly what I don't feel like doing, which means I probably should do it. But every now and then, I find myself chafing at having to socialize. At having to be charming and fun and entertaining for everyone else. I miss those quiet nights of being with someone who doesn't expect anything spectacular from you.

But that's what keeps me going. Knowing that that person exists out there somewhere. I read a comment that rosy futures aren't obliterated, just redefined with a different direction when something falls through. As much as I miss things left behind (especially when I'm tired, and therefore emotionally vulnerable), I wouldn't take them back if the opportunity arose. Because hindsight is always 20/20, and I'm happier with the way things are now than I was with the way things used to be.

So, raw and tired though I might be, it's always been about will power, and I'll keep busy until things perk back up again.