Healing and Forgiveness

The best remedy in the world for someone's frustration or grouchiness is not to tell them that they are grouchy (because they probably already know that, and if they're like me, that just makes it worse), but to just sit and listen to them. Because I've come to realize that no matter how unreasonable someone's behavior appears to be, there's actually almost always some reason for it, and if they're grouchy at me, it's often because of something I've done (intentional or no).

Joseph Smith, when asked about forgiving others who are mad at you when you're not at fault, taught this lesson: In your mind, go back to the exact scenario and evaluate your actions. If there is even the smallest chance that you might have contributed to the other person's offense, either by accident or design, graciously accept that revelation of a weakness that you didn't know you possessed. Then forgive and forget. I might also add the inclusion of an apology, as appropriate. That's extremely paraphrased, because even though I taught it as part of my lesson on Sunday, I don't have it memorized. But that's the essential gist of it.

Basically, people just want to be loved and understood. And the fastest way to dispel contention is to show someone who is suffering that love and understanding. I have a favorite President Monson quote:

Never let a problem to be solved cause you to pass up a person to be loved

It's become a personal motto for this year (and hopefully for the rest of my life). I won't say I'm always good at acting on President Monson's advice, because I'm not. But I've made it a goal to try to remember it more often. And the funny thing about it? No matter how angry, frustrated, stressed, or resentful I might feel, if I actually stop and try to understand someone else's frustrations, I often forget about my own. And both of us almost always come out feeling a little more loved and understood.

That's something I've learned this week. I thought I'd share.