Panic Attack

The classes I need in order to graduate (go figure: the ones that no one can hold for me) are currently gone. Curse my lack of credits. Dear professors, be kind and let me into your classes so that I don't actually fail at my life. Thanks.

...

Okay, so since I don't particularly feel like adding another post (and because I kinda like having Calvin on the bottom of the page...) I'm updating the current one. Sucks for all of you that have already read it, because you'll never know the difference. Good news for all of you that haven't seen this yet. You can breathe easy and know the results of my panic attack.

It was indeed a panic attack. I'm still a little shaken up and I feel a lot like curling up into a ball and hiding under the covers for the rest of my life. Honestly, I'm getting a little sick of life trying so hard to eat me. Every time I accomplish something and remove one problem/obstacle, about three more fall into the empty space. It's exhausting.

The good news: I talked to my professor and, despite how crummy a student I think I am, he still seems to have a good opinion of me, and he agreed to grant me the exception I needed in order to take my last two classes concurrently (they're supposed to be taken consecutively), and he's also going to use a little of his influence to make sure that the teacher of the other class I need lets me in. The bad news: He expects me to excel in spite of the possible setbacks, because he believes in me. As great as that is, and as inspiring as it should be, I'm a little worried about my ability to stand the extra pressure. Suddenly not only is failure on the cards, but I might disappoint my mentor, the man best placed to help me shape my future after graduation.

So... no pressure.

Oh, and I apparently need to be writing and submitting pieces to every magazine/journal I can think of in an effort to bulk up my portfolio. On top of preliminary job-hunting, writing papers for school, surviving tests, trying to keep up in homework (which is probably the funniest unfunny joke in the history of ironic jokes -- being caught up on homework, HA!), preparing lessons for my Sunday School class, keeping up with personal study time, helping friends out with their editing needs, squeezing in enough work hours to keep me from starving/being kicked out of my apartment (forget paying tuition. It's a good thing I have loans, because that's not happening), and yeah.

Good thing I have no social life. I'm pretty sure I'm chucking that out the door right now. Current friends have some claim still, but forget trying to date. I can't handle that pressure right now. On the flip side, I've never been so glad that I'm single. If I had a boyfriend, I'd be failing at the rest of my life for sure.

Hm...

Apologies for the tone of the entry. I just have crappy days every now and then. To sum it all up, I pretty much only have peace of mind during those quiet moments at night that I've set aside for personal study and prayer. I'm glad I have them, because it's the only time I don't feel guilty for not working harder. It's the only time of day that it's okay for me to sit back and relax. Unfortunately, that's only about 30 minutes out of my entire day. So if I look haggard/on the verge of tears, just understand that I'm in the longest endurance race of my life right now. And if I forget things or drop the ball on you, you have to know that I don't mean it personally. Just so you know.